ApeDonkey Power Rankings 3/29/11

Top 5

1. Houston - This is a big week here in Houston. The Final Four is coming along with all the attractions and events attached to it, as is the Shell Houston Open. The weather has been great here all week and should hold up through the weekend. Now don't go looking for me at any of the events around town because the only thing I like less than people is crowds of people. So I encourage everyone to get here spend your money and leave my city in one piece. We may never get another Super Bowl but the Final Four will be back in 5 years. See you then.

2. El Real - The only positive to getting the Power Rankings out so late is that I'm able to include El Real on the list. We've been waiting for this place to open for months. I was hoping to check it out when Southbound Food did their live broadcast from there a couple weeks ago but I left San Antonio too late and was unable to make it. We decided to wait until they started serving lunch so we could go at an off hour. That's always best with young kids. We finally made it over today and the food was a great as advertised. I went basic with cheese enchiladas, queso, rice and beans. The wife had the fajitas that came with a cup of this frothy garlic butter that I could have drank by the glassful. If you're a margarita person definitely get it on the rocks. It's simple, strong and delicious. Minus the two customers who were obviously pissed that I had procreated, it was a great experience.

3. John Harris - It was announced last week that John Harris will be getting his own national show working the overnight 1am - 5am central on Sporting New Radio. I've listened to Johnny since his days as the college football expert all the way through to his show with Raheel. By the way, I was completely wrong about the pairing of John and Harris. They've consistently produced a fun, entertaining show following John and Lance on 1560 The Game. I fully expect Raheel to continue killing it from 10-12p with a rotating list of guest hosts including David Nuno and Richard Justice.

Now back to John and his new show. Barry and I discussed this and thought this was a great move for John. His encyclopedic sports knowledge plays perfectly with the late night national caller. No one is better equipped to take calls about teams coast to coast and be able to talk intelligently about the entire roster. Johnny going national feels like a kid from the old neighborhood making it. He's made so in a sense we've all made it. I wish him all the best and any time I'm up at that hour, I'll be sure to check him out.

4. Shameless - Thank God for Shameless. Of the shows that had season finales the past couple of weeks, Shameless, Californication and Big Love, Shameless was the only one that gave us an excellent satisfying finale. After a little bit of a shaky start, Shameless has come on to be my second favorite new show of the year just behind Terriers and ahead of Rubicon. Of course, it's the only one of those three to get picked up for a second season. William H. Macy was the name going in to the season but Emmy Rossum has been the breakout star. She's given us a powerhouse performance as Fiona, a young woman just trying to keep her family together and raise her five brothers and sisters. It's really been an outstanding first season with strong performances from all the Gallagher kids. If you haven't checked it out try to catch up before season 2 starts next year.

5. Birthday Party - We celebrated my son's 2nd birthday this past weekend and if you weren't part of my immediate family, you weren't invited. That's because I'm a good human being and I know no one wants to be bothered with a kids birthday especially on a big sports weekend. The 2nd birthday is the one time you can get away with a simple "party" like this. Birthday number 2 lacks the milestone factor of the first birthday and the kid still doesn't know what the hell is going on. By the 3rd birthday they are starting to get it and from 4 on you're screwed. Just open up the pocket book and kiss your weekends goodbye because you'll be going to a birthday party every weekend for the next ten years. So happy birthday Cash. I hope you enjoyed your Barry's Pizza and cupcake and we'll do it again next year.


Bottom 5

1. Fucking Thieves - If you follow me on twitter and why wouldn't you be then you probably already know about my truck being broken in to and having my ipod and macbook stolen. My wife and I talked about this and considering all the vital information we had on the laptop like our businesses accounting, art files, tax information, etc. We would have rather they taken the truck and left the computer. Luckily, we do an off site backup for critical client files but what we are learning is that Carbonite apparently is running their servers with 28800 dial up modems. Here we are five days in and we are still restoring files to our new laptop. I could have manually transcribed the missing files by now.

Now let me tell you about the top notch security in the shopping center where Grand Luxe and Nordstrom's Rack is locate. First, when we realized what had happened, my wife had to literally chase the sixty-something year old security guard around the parking lot before I was finally able to get his attention by repeatedly honking at him. Once we had his attention and told him what had happened his reaction was priceless "really? I've been patrolling the area." Uh, yeah sure you were.  He tried to write a report but couldn't find a pen among the hundreds of old lollipop wrappers in his very intimidating golf cart. In the end we'll be alright. Home owner's insurance covers items taken from your car in this kind of situation but I could live without the pain and headache of it all and if the person who did it ends up in a burn unit soon, then all the better.

2. Mad Men - Great news coming out of Hollywood this week is that Mad Men season 5 is a go. The bad news is that we won't get to see it until sometime in 2012. The Sopranos think that's a long lay off. Part of the deal to bring the show back for a fifth season is AMC asking for the producers to cut two minutes from the show to open up more ad time and/or cut two regular characters from the cast. I'm fine with either or both of those options. Go ahead and take Betty or Bert or Ken. I can live without any of them. Bert makes the list because I can't stand people who don't wear shoes at work. If you need to cut a couple of minutes, I say go for it. I don't watch commercials anyway so no skin off my back. Just get your shit together and get Mad Men back on the air. Preferably before my kids graduate high school.

3. President Trump - The most shocking thing I heard more than one time this past week is "I'd vote for Donald Trump if he ran for President." The first time I heard this I stopped in mid conversation to verify what I'd just heard. People apparently think he'd have a good shot to fix the economy which that may be true, I don't know. I did remind them that he's gone bankrupt a couple of times but people do learn from mistakes. My biggest issue is that these people are forgetting one important issue. Donald Trump is a buffoon. This is the guy who hosts Celebrity Apprentice. Do you understand the national embarrassment of having state dinners at the gold leafed white house? Air Force One would be renamed The #1 Air Force One. I haven't even mentioned the hair. That is not presidential hair. You have to go all the way back to the early 1800's and Andrew Jackson to find a coif as crazy and unpresidential as Trump's.

4. Movie Reboots - I was reading an article yesterday that after The Dark Knight Rises they are planning to reboot the Batman series. What? I'm not a fan of all the series rebooting or the term rebooting. Teen Wolf as a Twilightesque show on MTV? The Karate Kid learning Kung Fu from Jackie Chan? Completely recasting and starting over with XMen? Ugh here's how a series is supposed to naturally progress. The first one is great and ground breaking. The second isn't quite as good but you add more villains to make up for the quality and by the fourth and fifth installments you've brought in Joel Schumacher to drive it into the ground. That is the life cycle of a movie franchise. It's tried and true and should not be messed with.

5. Elite Eight - Saturday Nicole Zierlein wrote a very touching blog post about her husband and young sons watching the elite eight games and specifically the Butler game together. I highly recommend you read it. If I wasn't a soulless robot, I probably would have been brought to tears. I on the other hand had a much different experience with Saturday's games. I had a little wager on Florida to beat Butler so I was intently watching that game. With a few minutes left, my wife who couldn't give a crap about basketball and is an incurable workaholic didn't know what to do with herself since she was without her laptop and couldn't work. After she complained of being bored and wanting to go out I finally agreed to go when the game ended. Little did I know the game would head to overtime. Being a man of my word though I said we could leave and I'd listen to overtime in the car. Well that was the plan. From the minute we closed the doors on the car my kid decided to be the loudest most irritating human on the planet. She channeled Lloyd Christmas and sang the words "Wipey, Dipey, Dipey" over and over again for a solid half hour until we finally reached the restaurant. After a nice dinner, the wife wanted to return some pants to The Gap and get a different pair. I was fine with that plan. The Gap was in the same parking lot and she rarely takes a long time doing stuff like that. We were in the store maybe 5 minutes when the 2 year old was going so apeshit crazy I decided I'd take him to the car and listen to the Arizona/UConn game while the girls finished up. I don't know exactly how long they were in the store but I ended listening to nearly the entire spectacular second half of the Zona/UConn game in the car with an exhausted, screaming 2 year old. Come to find out, my 6 year old had recently earned $20 from her grandmother and decided she wanted to buy herself something at Gap Kids. The problem is the self proclaimed fashionista had to actually touch, try on and examine every item in the store. And what did she finally emerge from the store with? A fucking pair of sunglasses. That's how I spent an outstanding Saturday of college basketball.

ApeDonkey Power Rankings - 1/3/11

Before I get to the power rankings this week, I wanted to say a few things about the Sean and John Show which came to an end last week on 1560 the game. I was listening when they guys broadcasted their very first segment and I was listening when Cade Dear Sistered them to close the final show. In between, they gave us more than three years of very good radio. The show lost something for me when the Dusty Rhodes open was so unceremoniously ripped from our lives. I grew a little weary of some of the guests during college football Wednesday but I never missed a Game 7. If I was in the car with my wife and the Game 7 came on she would stop and say I'll wait til the Game 7 is over. That's a good woman and a good segment.

ApeDonkey has two connections with the Sean and John Show. The first is when Sean screamed down my 11 month old when I emailed in to tell them how he was dancing every time Kyle played the S&J version of Brando's email song. The guys were so frustrated at that point that when I emailed them Sean went off on my poor unsuspecting baby and told me I should just go out and get him some 20 sided dice now because he's going to need them in the future. The second is that the ApeDonkey power rankings are partially inspired by the Seinfeldian Mock Draft. Just as the guys pointed out that you can mock draft anything, I figured you can rank just about anything and so was the power rankings were born.

Thanks again guys for three plus enjoyable years and I wish you much success with your new shows.

Top 5

1. ApeDonkey -I started this blog last April while I was burning through DVD after DVD of Lost seasons. I had been reading Danny's Diatribes for a while and thought "I've heard that dude on the radio, he's not that smart. I can do that." I've been lucky enough to see my blog hits increase each month with December being the biggest month yet with more than 1600 hits. Much of the increase can be attributed to some great readers who have commented, retweeted and recommended the blog to others. I want to thank @heydannyv, @nikvzierlein, @SteveintheKT, @jaydirt1560, @bcstagg, @lancezierlein, @tonyprock and @cockshittington. All are must follows on Twitter. I hope I haven't missed anyone but if I did, Thanks.


Since I started this blog the Texans, Longhorns and 1560 the game have been the most frequent subjects outside of TV and movies. I've reviewed 91 movies, written 6 posts that never saw the light of day and 1 that caused so much trouble in my family I had to take it down. I've been given a laundry list of subjects I'm not to write about by my wife. My wife reads the blog just to make sure I haven't written about her love affair with Olive Garden salad & bread sticks. 

I intend to post more often in the new year and I hope you'll all continue to read.

2. 1560 The Game - Last week I wrote a blog post questioning some of the recent moves by 1560 The Game. A couple of the guys from 1560 contacted me through twitter and the blog to explain the lineup changes. I thought that was really cool and classy of them. Just another example of how much they care about their listeners and the listeners' opinions.

After last week's post, I thought it was my duty to listen to all the shows today and I think overall it was a great success. John & Lance did their thing before giving way to Harris and Raheel who I thought had an excellent debut. I also enjoyed the bleed over between the two shows. The Sean Pendergast Show was a bit of a let down but I think that may have been a result of Jim Ross being the first thing I heard once I got my stream back up and running. Not my favorite guest. The Spencer Tillman, Dan Pastorini interview was very good. After a first segment in which Travis came out of the gate like he'd just done a speed ball with a meth chaser, he settled in and put together a good show.

I don't know if the new lineup is going to be a success but I do feel a lot better about it today than I did last week.

3. Parents everywhere - The second most important day of the year for parents. The first is the first day of school. The second is the day kids go back to school after the holiday break. Kids are great and I have a lot of fun with mine but I'm ready to get them the hell out of here. Thank God buses start running again tomorrow and kids go back to school. This year I came to the realization that kids are off for the holidays roughly a week and a half too long. Hey Pres. Obama how about we get to working on that year round school thing.

4. McDonald's - You won't catch me saying good things about giant corporations like McDonald's often but I'm making an exception today. While other fast food joints are trying to make up for rising food cost by raising drink prices disproportionately to their food prices, McDonald's actually lowered theirs. I have a serious iced tea addiction and being able to get a large for just $1 has been a godsend. Places like Chick-fil-a and the like are charging about $1.80 for a large these days. Way too much. I don't like supporting soulless entities like McDonald's but at that price I'll sell just a bit of my soul.





5. The end of the holidays - I bag on the Christmas holidays a lot and that's mostly because I don't like them. I do find Christmas enjoyable when there are babies around. I am the baby whisperer. No crying baby stands a chance at staying upset if I'm around. I think this is a result of my body being very much like a giant cushy baby recliner combined with the fact that I don't piss them off with ridiculous baby talk. I'd open a daycare for kids under 2 but people tend to distrust a man's ability to handle the job. This year was exceptionally good with a total of 4 kids under the age of 2 at Christmas. I'm pretty sure everyone in my family is done having kids now so this is probably the last great Christmas I'll have for the next 25 years until I become a grandfather.

Bottom 5

1. Sports in 2010 -The 2010 sports year started in earnest with the Longhorns fifth play from scrimmage. As I watched Colt McCoy on the ground writhing in pain, I had no idea the shit spiral this sports year would take. The Longhorns lost. The Astros sucked. The Rockets sucked. The Longhorns sucked. The Texans sucked. I had to watch evil creatures like Kobe and Saban victoriously raise championship trophies. Lance Berkman and Roy Oswalt were traded away. Yao Ming proved that Chinese peanut brittle is not the strongest brittle of all. Ugh, I done with this year. I can't wait for 2011.

2. Dan Graziano - Congrats to Dan Graziano for writing the single most idiotic piece about why he won't vote for Jeff Bagwell in the Hall of Fame. Basically, he says even though Bagwell produced offensive numbers that put him in a select group of baseball players, he won't vote for him just in case years down the line it is revealed that Bagwell did PED's. Well Holy Shit Dan, you might not want to drive to the store, you might get into an accident. Never mind that Bagwell never failed a test, didn't show up on the Mitchell Report nor were their rampant rumors of use during his playing days. I'm not naive enough to think he probably didn't use but I'm also not dumb enough to not think everyone was on PEDs during that era. Jason Grimsley was busted with the stuff for God's sake. If you are going to argue that you can't vote for Bags just in case then you shouldn't vote for anyone who played over the last 20 years.

Razzball had a very good article on Bagwell's HOF credentials.

3. Bowl Games - I am absolutely bored with these exhibition games. The Rose Bowl is the only game I've watched from start to finish. The rest of the bowl lineup was so lackluster that I haven't even tried to get into them. I'm sure I've missed some decent games and apparently some controversial endings but ultimately they're still just exhibition games and don't mean anything. I'm looking forward to the Auburn/Oregon game and will probably watch the Cotton Bowl. By the way, how ridiculous is playing the Cotton Bowl on a Friday night a week after the new year? Playoff people. Playoff.

4. Kobayashi - How the hell are we supposed to go on without the man who represents Keyser Söze? Do yourself a favor and honor Pete Postlethwaite by watching The Usual Suspects and In The Name of the Father today.

5. Houston Texans fans - Remember back in the 90's when we all made fun of the Redskins when they kept bringing Norv Turner back year after year even though it was apparent to everyone he lacked the skills it takes to be a successful head coach? WE ARE THE REDSKINS. Remember last season when we all laughed at the bumbling Cowboys head coach? HE'S THE LEADING CANDIDATE TO BE OUR DC. Your 2011 Houston Texans folks.

1560 The Change

About a week ago the news came down regarding lineup changes at 1560. John & Lance 6-10a, Raheel & John Harris 10-12p, Sean Pendergast 12-3p and Travis Rodgers 3-6p with Sean and Travis' shows being national Sporting News Radio broadcasts. My first reaction was to run to my computer blog away. I decided though to give myself some time to really think about the changes and fully form my opinions instead of spewing a knee jerk reaction.

The fact that I spent a week thinking about this should tell you how big a fan of the station I am. I've been a gamer from the start through and through. When the changes were announced I had just finished blog posts on both the Sean & John Show and Travis Rodgers Now but had yet to post them. They were rendered moot so I had to now think about where my favorite station was going instead of where it had been. I wanted to break my assessment down into three parts the local shows, the national shows and where the station stands now and it's relationship with listeners.

The Local Shows
It's strange to see a station built around it's local appeal go from four to two local shows. Thankfully, one of the remaining local shows is John & Lance in the morning. I wrote a recent blog post with my opinions on the show and aside from a greater appreciation for Del's input, those opinions haven't change. I expect J&L to continue delivering the best morning product in the market and the callers to deliver the best animal noises in Houston.

I'm a little concerned about the new 10-12pm show with Raheel and John Harris. I'm afraid they are pairing a guy with a narrow appeal with someone who has limited entertainment value. What I mean is that Raheel is a bit of an acquired taste. Kind of like a fried spam sandwich with mustard. To the right person it's delicious and a lunch staple but most people never give it a chance even though they might love it. Johnny, on the other hand, can break down football like no one else on the airwaves. He's able to translate complex football terminology into something consumable to the masses. He's also able to speak intelligently on baseball and basketball. Where John falls a bit short is the entertainment side of a show. He works better as the straight man of a broadcast team. This is what made his pairing with Sean Pendergast perfect. Both of these guys have been at this for a few years now, so I hope they are able to craft a show that appeals to the midday consumer. In all honesty though, they could hire an intern to play with an iPhone fart machine for three hours and it would be better than the Brando garbage being broadcast now.

The new Raheel & John Harris show is walking into a good situation though. The Texans season died just as the Rockets started playing better ball. Raheel's strength is his basketball knowledge which lines up nicely with a January premier. Combine that with John's ability to break down the major bowl games, a likely Texans coaching change, high draft pick and Rockets trade deadline chatter and they could come out of the gate like a fireball. Though I'm not a big fan of caller driven shows, John and Raheel's strengths as broadcasters almost dictates a successful show would have a high caller volume. With a strong lead in from John & Lance they should have a great opportunity to build a winner. The competition down the dial is strong in listener ship but weak on content. The Jim Rome Show has been terrible for years now and I still don't know why the hell the Mighty Gwinn is yelling at us all the time.

I do wish 1560 could find a place for Danny Vara. Unless he's not interested in getting back in to broadcasting outside of South Bound Food, it's an indictment on local radio management that he is a man without a regular hosting job. Danny's a guy that has a great combination of broad listener appeal and good entertainment value. Maybe all these changes will lead to something for him down the road.

I'm a big believer is supporting your local businesses and I see local shows as no different. I'll give these guys every opportunity to win me over and as long as I believe in the product they're putting out, I'll continue to promote them in forums like this.

The National Shows
I couldn't be happier that both Sean Pendergast and Travis Rodgers are getting a chance to bring their shows to a national audience. Both hosts are extremely talented and offer unique perspectives. From the outset of Travis Rodgers Now on 1560, I felt like his show was being honed for national release. I had hopped it would be in the 10-1pm slot but 3-6 is good too. Travis' experience is in producing a wildly successful national show (Jim Rome Show) for over a decade. If you ever wondered who the real talent was on that show, flip it over there one day. It won't take you long to figure out it wasn't the guys still there. It took me about three shows on 1560 to figure out TRN was cannot miss radio. Travis is very good at exposing the twisted reality of the sports world with his dark sense of humor. He has quickly connected with listeners and has successfully integrated those listeners into the show through twitter. I have no doubt Travis will be a home run for SNR.

I've been a big fan of the Sean and John show from day one. They had their marching orders to not suck too much and delivered consistently. I was surprised when the S&J team was broken up but I know Sean has been doing a lot of fill in work on SNR recently. So maybe I shouldn't be that surprised. I can't say I have a strong opinion one way or another on Sean's solo show hosting ability. I always preferred the S&J show when both hosts were present and would usually listen to music when one was out.

What does concern me though is that even though both guys are coming from 1560, we as Houston listeners will be losing six hours of local programming. The old Houston listeners have to change their expectations of what Sean and Travis' shows are going to be. They will now have an audience that doesn't care about the Texans' woes or our frustrations with Gary Kubiak. They'll care about the Buckeyes, the Lakers, the Red Sox and all those other teams we may give a rat's ass about. I like the idea of having a national show to break up all the ridiculous calls from arm chair GMs trying to trade Yao Ming's contract for Carmelo but a six hour block of Yankees/Heat talk? I'm not sure I'm up for that. I need my Gary Kubiak bashing.

The State of the Station
As I took a week to think about the changes at 1560 and my opinions continued to form the one thing that didn't change was my disappointment with what I perceived as a shift away from a local sports focus. When Sporting News Radio moved its operations to Houston and 1560 became its flagship, a lot of listeners, myself included went "uh oh" and waited for the other shoe to drop. I think the sound we heard last week was the sound of leather hitting the floor.

I've been a gamer from the beginning. I bought in fully to the little guy taking on the radio giants and I supported the station the best way I could, through word of mouth promotion and by supporting their sponsors. My wife knew whenever we needed something a KGOW sponsor would be my first choice. Whether it was Dirt Free, Indoor Comfort, Wild Wing Cafe or Klein's, I felt it was my duty to repay the station for the hours of entertainment they had provided me by using the advertisers that kept them on the air.

You see I bought in to the 1560 spirit because I'm a small business owner and I'd bet KGOW has a greater percentage of small business listeners than any other Houston sports radio station. As a small business owner/Entrepreneur you're invigorated by the opportunity to stick it to the man. You pull for one another to beat the world of corporations and live by your own rules. But, starting with their marriage to SNR, the us against the man rhetoric from 1560 became increasingly difficult to believe. Now, with the recent lineup changes 75% of it's broadcast day will be national shows. I feel like this is  a 180 degree philosophical change for a station built on a local and extremely loyal fan base.

I realize this is a business and the 1560 management has to do what they feel is best for the company but on the other hand I want "my" radio station too. For more than three years now, those two forces have not only coexisted but flourished together. Now, I worry we are at a crossroads heading in different directions. Maybe we aren't. Maybe I'm being led down a path I never realized I wanted to travel. Maybe I'm just a fan whose favorite indie band just signed with a major label that is going to take them to new heights. The harsh reality though is that the indie band, major label marriage rarely works out and the promise of new bigger heights is almost never delivered.