ApeDonkey Power Rankings 11/15/10

Top 5

1. Manny Pacquiao - I don't know if he's the baddest man on the planet but he's damn sure the best pound for pound boxer. I can't remember another fight with such a disparity in size. Margarito towered over Pacman and out weighed him by at least 20lbs and Manny just surgically dismantled him. How bad was it? Margarito is on the short list of worst people in sports and people watching the fight were essentially begging the referee to stop it. Like the other four boxing fans, I'd love to see Manny get a shot at Floyd Mayweather but He'd made it pretty clear he doesn't want any real opponents.

2. Dexter - I've been slow to warm to this season of Dexter but I have to admit I'm really enjoying the budding relationship between Lumen and Dexter. I am bothered by how many people have now known what Dexter does in his spare time and he's never been in any real danger of being exposed. Those worries are far less a concern than getting rid of any story line involving La Guerta. Thankfully, I DVR the show and can FF through most of her scenes.

3. Lethal Weapon 5 - Sunny killed from start to finish this week. Lethal Weapon 5? Yes please. I pray there is a longer form of this included with the Blu Ray version of this season. Has there ever been another show in which a Jugalo, a man in black face, soft core porn, a high school field trip and Dave Nelson of WNYX have all come together in one beautiful story. I think not.

4. The Ol' Ball Coach - Congrats to Steve Spurrier. It took several years but it looks like he's finally earning that membership to Augusta National he reportedly got when he agreed to coach South Carolina. College football is better when Spurrier is winning. No body is more arrogant and funny at the same time than Spurrier as king of the mountain. I'm sure beating Florida and that smarmy slime bag Urban Meyer to clinch the SEC east probably tasted pretty good too. An SEC Championship game featuring the two best players in the conference, Lattimore and Newton, should be great. Too bad Chizik has no chance of measuring up to the ol' ball coach.

5. 30 for 30 - I finally got around to watching the 30 for 30 documentary on Marcus Dupree. It was another excellent doc. The best parts of the film were the interviews with Fred Akers, Barry Switzer, Tommy Reaux and Luscious Selmon. It's was sad to see how he was used by Maverick Carter, uh I mean Ken Fairley. Then again anyone who follows the advice of Billy Sims instead of Earl Campbell is kind of asking for bad shit to happen to them anyway.

Bottom 5

1. Football - This I was witness to a personal football apocalyptic superfecta. That would be the Losses by the Longhorns and Texans combined with victories by OU, A&M and Dallas. I'm starting to think the football gods are punishing me for taking this season off from gambling. My goal was to see if my enjoyment diminished when I didn't have money riding on games. In fact, I find it much easier to get engrossed in one game without worrying about what is going on in every other game on the slate. I fully expect to be back to my degenerate ways next season but so far this year it's been nice to just sit back and take a deep breath.

2. Poorly timed epidemics - This past Saturday was my 20 year high school reunion. Wow that reminds me, when I was 20 and my boss was going to his 20 year reunion and all I could think was "this dude is old." Anyway, We had plans to take the kids to the BBQ during the day then drop them off with my parents so we could go to the dinner party that evening. However, fate had another plan. On Thursday Denise came down with a sinus infection, both kids already had colds and then Friday night I was hit with a stomach bug. You know the kind, you're up all night spending a lot of intimate time with your best friend Johnny. My stomach bug lasted well into the next day so I wasn't nearly brave enough to travel, let alone with kids. So, I missed the reunion and a chance to catch up with a bunch of folks I've known since preK but haven't seen in a decade. Thanks to Facebook, it looks like everyone had a great time and I can definitively say I am aging much better than the rest of my classmates. Here's to the 40th reunion when I still look 35 and you all look like Al Davis.

3. Guys in pajama pants - A few years ago I noticed more and more teenage girls wearing pajama pants out in public. I gave this little attention because I assume all teenagers are stupid and these girls probably just didn't realize they hadn't changed clothes yet. Then grown women started to follow suit. Again, I let this slide because women are generally soft and sometimes make me feel special and funny. On Sunday, we went for our traditional weekend breakfast at Harris County Smokehouse (best buttermilk pancakes in Houston) and I see a man in his 30's wearing a t-shirt, flip-flops and pajama pants. My first thought was to figure out the odds of the cops at the next table arresting me if I threw the pot of hot gravy on this guy. I figured 50/50 at best but considering my issues from the previous day I didn't want to spend any time in a dirty jail cell. Even though I had to let this guy walk after committing this atrocity, I want to make it abundantly clear this is never acceptable. I have a long recorded record of my hatred for guys wearing flip flops but to add the pajama pants makes me assume you are either mentally challenged or you want to be hit by a car. I'm all for comfort but keep it classy guys. No body wants to catch an unfortunate encounter with you and a loose piss flap.

4. Restaurants with smoking sections - One of Audrey's classmates had a birthday party on Friday night out in Katy. The party was girls only so we had a few hours to kill before we picked her up. Driving 45 minutes home seemed pointless so we decided to grab a bite to eat in Katy. Since I failed to get a recommendation from a local I decided to support my favorite radio station, 1560 The Game, by eating at one of their sponsors. We settled on Wild Wing Cafe since neither of us had been there before. I can confidently say I won't be going back. The food was your typical fried fare, neither terrible nor spectacular. The problem though was that as soon as you walked through the door you were overwhelmed by smoke. I thought we had settled this long ago. If you have a smoking and non smoking section, what you really have is a smoking and a slightly less smokey area. Thankfully, I noticed just a few people on the patio and none of them smoking. About 15 minutes into our meal a group of guys all dressed like Quin from Dexter sat down at the table next to us and proceeded to chain smoke. I have both a wife and daughter who suffer with asthma as well as 19 month old toddler, so my tolerance for smoking is somewhere between stealing from the elderly and strangling puppies. If I'd known they were a smoking establishment, I never would have gone there in the first place but as anyone with kids will tell you, once the kids are out of the car you've made your decision.

5. Antonio Margarito's Eye - As I previously stated, Margarito is a bad guy. I was glad to see him get pummeled Saturday night. Hell, I would have been fine with a mid fight rule change to extend the beating to 15 rounds. He deserves every bit of that ass whooping but for those who didn't see it, take a look at that eye. The slab of meat they glued to Rocky's face at the end of Rocky I didn't look that gnarly. Manny pounded that eye round after round and Margarito was too slow and too blind to do anything about it.