2. Mack Brown - My man Mack broke out his recruiting skills to lure a stellar new coaching staff to Austin. In the long run, Terryl Austin and Paul Chryst balking at committing 100% could be the best thing to happen for the organization. The Longhorns ended up with two of the hottest up & comers as its new coordinator. Brian Harsin comes to Texas fresh off of running Boise St. high powered offense and will now we'll have a chance to see what happens when you combine that system with some of the top recruits in the country. He'll have play calling duties but also a highly respected and similarly up and coming co-offensive coordinator in Major Applewhite. Manny Diaz is a high energy DC who likes to get after the quarterback. He hasn't been through the battle Will Muschamp has but he definitely brings a similar energy. These new young coordinators plus new S&C coach Bennie Wylie should be the link Mack needs to connect with the younger players and get this thing turned around.
3. Seahawks v. Saints - Saturday's games will be remembered for Marshawn Lynch's incredible run in the 4th quarter of the Seahawk's game versus the Saints. The Saints still riding the wave of being America's sweethearts grossly underperformed on defense and couldn't complete the comeback. Like any good champ though they went down swinging in what turned out to be the shootout of the weekend. I personally thought Matt Hasselbeck had died of old age shortly after losing to the Steelers in the Super Bowl a few years ago. Apparently, I was wrong because even at 92 years old he was able to shred the Saints for 4 touchdown passes. So, now we have our first team with a losing record in the divisional round. I'll be pulling against the Seahawks mainly because of Pete Carroll. Personally, I don't have anything against Pete Carroll per se but he looks exactly like a guy who stiffed my wife and I for $10,000 of advertising work. So, until Pete changes his face, he can go fuck himself.
4. Rex Ryan - He finally got past his personal enemy, Peyton Manning. Thank God, the NFL is much more interesting with Rex Ryan still coaching and Peyton eliminated. Peyton will now have the entire off season to get that giant red spot on his forehead to subside. I don't dislike Peyton I've just had enough. Is there an irritating person he hasn't done an ad with yet. Justin Timberlake, check. Jim Nantz, check. Look out Bieber you're next.
5. Californication -That was probably the best way Californication could possibly kick off its fourth season. A little Carla Gugino makes everything better. I appreciate that they've decided to pretend season 3 never happened. The entire season was based on the chance to see Eva Amurri topless. And as great as that was, the internet has rendered that strategy for pulling viewers kind of moot. The premiere set the season up nicely for Hank to struggle legally with statutory rape charges, at home with the revelation that he slept with a 16 year old and professionally as he finds himself back in bed with that old devil, the film industry. BTW Sasha revealed that she really did have outstanding wares.
Bottom 5
1. NFL Playoff Sunday -The NFL could not have followed up a great pair of Saturday games with a less exciting set of games. The early game between was interesting for about a half before the Ravens began imposing their will on the Chiefs. The second game never really had a chance with Joe Buck involved. I don't know why FOX keeps a running a guy out there that is universally despised by everyone. Not only does he not bring anything to the broadcast, he actually detracts from it. He sucks the excitement from every compelling game he's involved with by just being himself. Aikman is a good analyst and is getting completely short changed by being hamstrung by the sports world's wet blanket. Maybe they could add Artie Lange to the booth to spice things up a bit. Better yet, if they could somehow team Buck with Steve Tasker, I could just eliminate that game from my weekend viewing all together. Free Troy Aikman.2. Bob McNair - From the crappy Houston sports owner department comes this quote from Bob McNair “Generally, when you make any kind of change, you sort of hold your breath. You say, ‘Boy, I hope this works out.’" I know he said some other ridiculous things in that interview but this statement in particular really bothers me. Uncle Bob's quote further exemplifies a huge problem with the Texans organization. From the top down, they are so afraid to make bold moves or shake things up they would rather be content with just not sucking. If you think about it, that goes perfectly with Kubiak's playing not to lose play calling. Ironically Bob, that's exactly why you and your team does suck. So here we are Texans fans, stuck with an owner who holds his breath when he makes changes to his staff. Stuck with a head coach who plays not to lose, holds his breath and can't bear to watch as his team kicks game deciding field goals. Stuck with a GM who's shown no intestinal fortitude to make draft day moves to get the guy he wants or to spend the owners money to get that big time culture changing free agent. Just like Stealers Wheel sang "clowns to the left of us, jokers to the right, here we are stuck in the middle again."
3. Aggies - If you follow me on twitter and you should because I'm fucking awesome, then you know that I declared the winner of the Cotton Bowl could officially claim the title of "Most Ridiculous Fans on the Planet." For about a quarter it looked like you guys really wanted that title but it really is hard to beat LSU fan when it comes to ridiculousness. Friday, I went out to eat and I'd say 2/3 of the people there were wearing either A&M or LSU gear. At the table next to us was a particularly disturbing family of LSUians. They were putting off a real inbred vibe and when they opened their mouth they did nothing to dispel that. Don't worry though Aggie fan you'll always be the Texas state champ in that department.
4. CFB exhibition season - Of the 35 or so exhibition games college football puts on in December and January, I will have watched three start to finish after tonight. If we do the math, that's about 8.5% And that's on you BCS. You put together a bunch of lackluster games, feature 6-6 teams, cheat the fans, cheat the players and steal from the Universities. I would say I hope you got what you wanted but of course you did. You got a bunch of state funded universities to pay you millions of dollars to allow them the honor to play in a meaningless game. Congrats I guess. 5. My sanity - A little back story. I hate the sound of people eating. When I was a kid, my brother and I would get into a fist fight every single morning before school. I didn't eat breakfast but he had to have a bowl of cereal. Unfortunately, he was unable to eat his cereal without smacking like an old Vietnamese lady. Cue the fight. A couple of decades later I was so proud of my 4 year old daughter when she came home to tell me she couldn't stand eating lunch at school because her friends were gross and couldn't eat with their mouths closed. Awesome. Now two years later, she has completely turned heel and likes to sit about 3 feet from my head and smack like a 12 year old with braces trying to eat taffy. This is getting brutal.
I hope these coaches can help after this year. But Lance keeps bringing me down, telling me to expect shit for a couple of years.
ReplyDeleteSaw Toy Story 3, The Fighter, True Grit, Winter's Bone, halfway through Exit Through the Gift Shop with 3 more to come this week. Not bad.
There's a guy in my office who eats with us at lunch every day and I swear to God he smacks so loud it makes me break out in a cold sweat every time I have to sit in the same room as him. I wish I was exaggerating. It's basically nails on a chalkboard times infinity for me.
ReplyDeleteIt's like a scene out of a movie where everything around me silences and all I can hear is his smacking reverberating through my skull. I always look around to see if anyone else notices this but so far I havent' been able to ask anyone if they are as appalled by this as I am.
I may have to just take your approach and try fighting the guy because I can't handle this long term.