ApeDonkey Power Rankings - 1/3/11

Before I get to the power rankings this week, I wanted to say a few things about the Sean and John Show which came to an end last week on 1560 the game. I was listening when they guys broadcasted their very first segment and I was listening when Cade Dear Sistered them to close the final show. In between, they gave us more than three years of very good radio. The show lost something for me when the Dusty Rhodes open was so unceremoniously ripped from our lives. I grew a little weary of some of the guests during college football Wednesday but I never missed a Game 7. If I was in the car with my wife and the Game 7 came on she would stop and say I'll wait til the Game 7 is over. That's a good woman and a good segment.

ApeDonkey has two connections with the Sean and John Show. The first is when Sean screamed down my 11 month old when I emailed in to tell them how he was dancing every time Kyle played the S&J version of Brando's email song. The guys were so frustrated at that point that when I emailed them Sean went off on my poor unsuspecting baby and told me I should just go out and get him some 20 sided dice now because he's going to need them in the future. The second is that the ApeDonkey power rankings are partially inspired by the Seinfeldian Mock Draft. Just as the guys pointed out that you can mock draft anything, I figured you can rank just about anything and so was the power rankings were born.

Thanks again guys for three plus enjoyable years and I wish you much success with your new shows.

Top 5

1. ApeDonkey -I started this blog last April while I was burning through DVD after DVD of Lost seasons. I had been reading Danny's Diatribes for a while and thought "I've heard that dude on the radio, he's not that smart. I can do that." I've been lucky enough to see my blog hits increase each month with December being the biggest month yet with more than 1600 hits. Much of the increase can be attributed to some great readers who have commented, retweeted and recommended the blog to others. I want to thank @heydannyv, @nikvzierlein, @SteveintheKT, @jaydirt1560, @bcstagg, @lancezierlein, @tonyprock and @cockshittington. All are must follows on Twitter. I hope I haven't missed anyone but if I did, Thanks.


Since I started this blog the Texans, Longhorns and 1560 the game have been the most frequent subjects outside of TV and movies. I've reviewed 91 movies, written 6 posts that never saw the light of day and 1 that caused so much trouble in my family I had to take it down. I've been given a laundry list of subjects I'm not to write about by my wife. My wife reads the blog just to make sure I haven't written about her love affair with Olive Garden salad & bread sticks. 

I intend to post more often in the new year and I hope you'll all continue to read.

2. 1560 The Game - Last week I wrote a blog post questioning some of the recent moves by 1560 The Game. A couple of the guys from 1560 contacted me through twitter and the blog to explain the lineup changes. I thought that was really cool and classy of them. Just another example of how much they care about their listeners and the listeners' opinions.

After last week's post, I thought it was my duty to listen to all the shows today and I think overall it was a great success. John & Lance did their thing before giving way to Harris and Raheel who I thought had an excellent debut. I also enjoyed the bleed over between the two shows. The Sean Pendergast Show was a bit of a let down but I think that may have been a result of Jim Ross being the first thing I heard once I got my stream back up and running. Not my favorite guest. The Spencer Tillman, Dan Pastorini interview was very good. After a first segment in which Travis came out of the gate like he'd just done a speed ball with a meth chaser, he settled in and put together a good show.

I don't know if the new lineup is going to be a success but I do feel a lot better about it today than I did last week.

3. Parents everywhere - The second most important day of the year for parents. The first is the first day of school. The second is the day kids go back to school after the holiday break. Kids are great and I have a lot of fun with mine but I'm ready to get them the hell out of here. Thank God buses start running again tomorrow and kids go back to school. This year I came to the realization that kids are off for the holidays roughly a week and a half too long. Hey Pres. Obama how about we get to working on that year round school thing.

4. McDonald's - You won't catch me saying good things about giant corporations like McDonald's often but I'm making an exception today. While other fast food joints are trying to make up for rising food cost by raising drink prices disproportionately to their food prices, McDonald's actually lowered theirs. I have a serious iced tea addiction and being able to get a large for just $1 has been a godsend. Places like Chick-fil-a and the like are charging about $1.80 for a large these days. Way too much. I don't like supporting soulless entities like McDonald's but at that price I'll sell just a bit of my soul.





5. The end of the holidays - I bag on the Christmas holidays a lot and that's mostly because I don't like them. I do find Christmas enjoyable when there are babies around. I am the baby whisperer. No crying baby stands a chance at staying upset if I'm around. I think this is a result of my body being very much like a giant cushy baby recliner combined with the fact that I don't piss them off with ridiculous baby talk. I'd open a daycare for kids under 2 but people tend to distrust a man's ability to handle the job. This year was exceptionally good with a total of 4 kids under the age of 2 at Christmas. I'm pretty sure everyone in my family is done having kids now so this is probably the last great Christmas I'll have for the next 25 years until I become a grandfather.

Bottom 5

1. Sports in 2010 -The 2010 sports year started in earnest with the Longhorns fifth play from scrimmage. As I watched Colt McCoy on the ground writhing in pain, I had no idea the shit spiral this sports year would take. The Longhorns lost. The Astros sucked. The Rockets sucked. The Longhorns sucked. The Texans sucked. I had to watch evil creatures like Kobe and Saban victoriously raise championship trophies. Lance Berkman and Roy Oswalt were traded away. Yao Ming proved that Chinese peanut brittle is not the strongest brittle of all. Ugh, I done with this year. I can't wait for 2011.

2. Dan Graziano - Congrats to Dan Graziano for writing the single most idiotic piece about why he won't vote for Jeff Bagwell in the Hall of Fame. Basically, he says even though Bagwell produced offensive numbers that put him in a select group of baseball players, he won't vote for him just in case years down the line it is revealed that Bagwell did PED's. Well Holy Shit Dan, you might not want to drive to the store, you might get into an accident. Never mind that Bagwell never failed a test, didn't show up on the Mitchell Report nor were their rampant rumors of use during his playing days. I'm not naive enough to think he probably didn't use but I'm also not dumb enough to not think everyone was on PEDs during that era. Jason Grimsley was busted with the stuff for God's sake. If you are going to argue that you can't vote for Bags just in case then you shouldn't vote for anyone who played over the last 20 years.

Razzball had a very good article on Bagwell's HOF credentials.

3. Bowl Games - I am absolutely bored with these exhibition games. The Rose Bowl is the only game I've watched from start to finish. The rest of the bowl lineup was so lackluster that I haven't even tried to get into them. I'm sure I've missed some decent games and apparently some controversial endings but ultimately they're still just exhibition games and don't mean anything. I'm looking forward to the Auburn/Oregon game and will probably watch the Cotton Bowl. By the way, how ridiculous is playing the Cotton Bowl on a Friday night a week after the new year? Playoff people. Playoff.

4. Kobayashi - How the hell are we supposed to go on without the man who represents Keyser Söze? Do yourself a favor and honor Pete Postlethwaite by watching The Usual Suspects and In The Name of the Father today.

5. Houston Texans fans - Remember back in the 90's when we all made fun of the Redskins when they kept bringing Norv Turner back year after year even though it was apparent to everyone he lacked the skills it takes to be a successful head coach? WE ARE THE REDSKINS. Remember last season when we all laughed at the bumbling Cowboys head coach? HE'S THE LEADING CANDIDATE TO BE OUR DC. Your 2011 Houston Texans folks.