I started to watch the results show while the kids were still up but once the rock medley started, I knew this train wreck would need my full attention. I turned it off until I could watch it without distraction. So here we go.
Let's get the medley awards out of the way first:
Lauren is the run away winner for worst outfit of the night. There's not even a close second.
Haley edges out Pia for favorite outfit of the night.
Paul wins for most natural performance during the medley.
Scotty, Jacob and James tie for goofiest stage presence.
Randy wins for taking my advice and ditching the hefty bag for a cardigan.
This year's Ford commercials have been lame at best.
Russell Brand on AI? God has officially forsaken us and the Earth is facing imminent doom. If anyone outside of Brand's immediate family sees the new Arthur movie Poseidon should release the Kraken and destroy us all.
Lauren, Casey and Stefano. If my predictions hold true I think Stefano should be in the bottom. Plus the guy's a one trick pony. Lauren deserves to be safe unless we deduct points for tonight's outfit. I thought Casey's performance was too safe but I also think he's regained his mojo so I didn't think he'd be in danger.
Do me a favor pause your DVR at the 24 minute mark and look just to the right of Ryan. That is the worst/dumbest hat ever worn. The guy would look better and less ridiculous sitting there in a fez. OK back to the show.
I thought we retired Unchained Melody when Simon left the show. I guess not because Constantine and his butt chin have brought it back tonight.
Paul, Scotty and Pia. If someone in the group is in the bottom it's going to be Paul. The other 2 have pretty strong voting bases. Pia had my least favorite of those 3 performances though. Wow Pia is in the bottom 3? I didn't see that coming but I'm not that disappointed. She's been boring for a few weeks now. Even doing a more uptempo song last night didn't do much to liven up her performances. I can tell you this though, Stefano just crapped his pants because he knows he can't beat her.
The TMZ/American Idol piece is completely unwatchable and definitive proof that the results show should only be 30 minutes. Absolutely brutal.
James, Haley, Jacob. James is the most deserving to be in the bottom but I wouldn't be surprised if it was Jacob. He went first and that's always a tough spot. Yep just what I was afraid of. The best part of this is that this should assure us that Stefano is going home.
Iggy Pop hasn't owned a shirt since 1968. Fact. Another fact is 1973 Iggy Pop would have killed himself if he'd known 2011 Iggy Pop was going to be on American Idol.
Here's my preference for who goes home of these 3. First Stefano, he sucks and ruins my Wednesday nights. Second Pia, she bores me but is nice to look at. Third Jacob, I like him and think he brings a R&B element no one else on the show brings.
Ryan that was just mean. You nearly killed that kid. Please be Stefano. Please be Stefano. What? How does Stefano keep dodging these bullets? Wow. The judges completely missed the point. Boring is the most unforgivable of all sins on AI. You can be off key, pitchy or whatever but if you're boring, America will make you pay.
I don't want to be the guy that says I told you so but last week when the judges told her to do something other than a ballad, I said watching her in the group performances she doesn't have that in her. She doesn't move on stage well enough. She was less likely to bore us by standing still and belting out Celine Dion songs than roboticlly (yes I know that's not a word) trying to imitate Tina Turner. Oh well. I still think Stefano should have been long gone but I don't vote.
On a positive note, I feel much better about my bet on Casey now.
Showing posts with label randy jackson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label randy jackson. Show all posts
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
American Idol 9 Finalists Compete - 4/6/11
This is American Idol
Someone needs to tell Steven Tyler he just looks like an old man trying too hard.
Songs of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Scotty was probably hyperventilating until someone told him people like Johnny Cash and Hank Williams are in the HOF.
Who better to coach the contestants on R&R than Will.I.Am? Uh just about anyone. Unless they need someone to teach them how to avoid slipping in Fergie's crotch droppings on stage.
Jacob is up first. Probably a good decision to switch from Marvin Gaye to Michael Jackson. MJ is much more in Jacob's wheelhouse. Not surprisingly he knocked it out of the park.
I need to get to Randy. The hefty bag jacket is far less cool than a sweet cardigan.
I guess Gwen Stefani thinks Haley should dress like Stevie Nicks. Not a bad performance of "Piece of My Heart" but I thought it was overdone. The judges liked it way more than I did but that isn't anything new.
Steven looks like he's made a recent trip to the botox doctor.
I'm more excited for Casey this week than anyone else. I hope the black eye pea doesn't get in his head and screw him up. Thank god he changed songs. That looked like it was going to be a train wreck even by Idol standards. Slap that bass Casey. I don't love the performance. Interesting take on the song but if nothing else he made it his.
I like Lauren more each week. She's got the big voice to pull off Aretha and I like the way she's mellowed it out a bit. Just for the record, Gwen Stefani is a terrible stylist. Lauren sounds great and looks terrible.
That shot of Christian Slater was the creepiest moment in Idol history. It took me a few minutes to realize it wasn't Kato kaelin.
By far the worst song choice of the night is by James. Nice job of not spotlighting your best asset. He could have chosen any number of slower songs that would have featured his voice better. Not a bad performance but a bad choice.
Jennifer is wrong with her assessment. What a fucking goofball. I don't get the crying. I don't get how you write your own version of a song either. Maybe I just don't get James.
My wife is obsessed with figuring out who all on the show is gay.
You have no idea how excited I am to see Scotty do Rock. Here's a surprise. His head is cocked to the side. Whenever Scotty performs you have a choice to make. You can take him serious by just listening and not watching the screen or you can take in the complete cheese by watching him perform. The hand wave was completely bizzarre and the two handing the mic still freaks me out but I probably enjoyed Scotty more tonight than any other time of the competition.
Pia is coming up. If you need to take a nap here's your chance. I have to admit I didn't pay a lot of attention to Pia's singing. I was too distracted by what has to be one of the 3 worst jumpsuits ever made. It takes something tremendously bad to make a body like Pia's look dumpy and fat. Congrats Gwen.
I believe I told you people last week that Pia lacked the ability to do the simplest dance moves. She can study the mount rushmore of dancing and she'll never have that talent.
I don't know what the rest of you think but Hanna looks like a damn good movie.
I'm calling my shot right here. Before I even see Stefano perform, I'm predicting he goes home this week. I hated the beginning but brought it home nicely. I really can't stand Stefano's cheesiness.
Wow. That was Paul's best performance of the competition. I didn't know he had it in him to put it out like that. Paul should never perform again without his guitar. It anchors him on stage and keeps him moving forward instead of falling all over the stage.
Probably the toughest bottom 3 decision of the season but here goes
James
Stefano
Casey. This one really pains me but the other contestants took bigger chances.
Someone needs to tell Steven Tyler he just looks like an old man trying too hard.
Songs of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Scotty was probably hyperventilating until someone told him people like Johnny Cash and Hank Williams are in the HOF.
Who better to coach the contestants on R&R than Will.I.Am? Uh just about anyone. Unless they need someone to teach them how to avoid slipping in Fergie's crotch droppings on stage.
Jacob is up first. Probably a good decision to switch from Marvin Gaye to Michael Jackson. MJ is much more in Jacob's wheelhouse. Not surprisingly he knocked it out of the park.
I need to get to Randy. The hefty bag jacket is far less cool than a sweet cardigan.
I guess Gwen Stefani thinks Haley should dress like Stevie Nicks. Not a bad performance of "Piece of My Heart" but I thought it was overdone. The judges liked it way more than I did but that isn't anything new.
Steven looks like he's made a recent trip to the botox doctor.
I'm more excited for Casey this week than anyone else. I hope the black eye pea doesn't get in his head and screw him up. Thank god he changed songs. That looked like it was going to be a train wreck even by Idol standards. Slap that bass Casey. I don't love the performance. Interesting take on the song but if nothing else he made it his.
I like Lauren more each week. She's got the big voice to pull off Aretha and I like the way she's mellowed it out a bit. Just for the record, Gwen Stefani is a terrible stylist. Lauren sounds great and looks terrible.
That shot of Christian Slater was the creepiest moment in Idol history. It took me a few minutes to realize it wasn't Kato kaelin.
By far the worst song choice of the night is by James. Nice job of not spotlighting your best asset. He could have chosen any number of slower songs that would have featured his voice better. Not a bad performance but a bad choice.
Jennifer is wrong with her assessment. What a fucking goofball. I don't get the crying. I don't get how you write your own version of a song either. Maybe I just don't get James.
My wife is obsessed with figuring out who all on the show is gay.
You have no idea how excited I am to see Scotty do Rock. Here's a surprise. His head is cocked to the side. Whenever Scotty performs you have a choice to make. You can take him serious by just listening and not watching the screen or you can take in the complete cheese by watching him perform. The hand wave was completely bizzarre and the two handing the mic still freaks me out but I probably enjoyed Scotty more tonight than any other time of the competition.
Pia is coming up. If you need to take a nap here's your chance. I have to admit I didn't pay a lot of attention to Pia's singing. I was too distracted by what has to be one of the 3 worst jumpsuits ever made. It takes something tremendously bad to make a body like Pia's look dumpy and fat. Congrats Gwen.
I believe I told you people last week that Pia lacked the ability to do the simplest dance moves. She can study the mount rushmore of dancing and she'll never have that talent.
I don't know what the rest of you think but Hanna looks like a damn good movie.
I'm calling my shot right here. Before I even see Stefano perform, I'm predicting he goes home this week. I hated the beginning but brought it home nicely. I really can't stand Stefano's cheesiness.
Wow. That was Paul's best performance of the competition. I didn't know he had it in him to put it out like that. Paul should never perform again without his guitar. It anchors him on stage and keeps him moving forward instead of falling all over the stage.
Probably the toughest bottom 3 decision of the season but here goes
James
Stefano
Casey. This one really pains me but the other contestants took bigger chances.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
American Idol Two of 11 Voted Off - 3/31/11
Ryan just declared he's going to crush the dreams of two youngins tonight.
55,000 votes sets a new record for this point in a season. OK?
Fantasia. I didn't like her during her season.
This duet thing is a whole hell of a lot better than the traditional terrible group performance. It's almost as if they're trying to make me watch more than 15 minutes of a results show.
Is Jennifer wearing a costume from Black Swan?
Not surprised at all that the country couple Lauren and Scotty are getting through. I'm not the biggest Scotty fan but he has a strong voting base.
Is Scotty's head permanently cocked to the side?
Naima and Jacob doing Ashford and Simpson. Eh not my favorite and not nearly as good as the country couple. Good decision America. Naima deserves to be in the bottom.
I can't stand Fantasia's voice or face so I'm skipping over it. Damn, We can stop the search. I just found where all of Jennifer Hudson's weight went.
Pia, Thia and Haley doing Katy Perry and I mean that exactly as it sounds. OK lets cancel that order Randy put in for Pia and Thia to do uptempo songs. Pia and her from the Kardashian collection outfit is safe. I'm a little confused America seems to be getting it right tonight. That doesn't happen very often. Thia joins Naima in the bottom.
Paul, Casey, James and Stefano doing Band on the Run. Which one of these things doesn't fit? Stefano plays the keys just like Linda McCartney used to, without plugging them in. Casey safe and damn well should be. James is deservedly safe. Neither of the two guys left were very good wouldn't be surprised to see either in the bottom. It's Paul.
My prediction is Paul and Thia going home. I think Naima has a bigger voting base than the other two.
Here we go. Paul is safe. Another week of thin voice and bright teeth.
Thank you America. I didn't think you had it in to you send the correct people home. You've restored my faith in......Nah you're going to have to do the right thing a few more times for me to believe this isn't a coincidence.
To wrap up the duet and smaller group songs were a giant improvement over the usual group torture. The still haven't had a guest singer on that I care for maybe next week. I doubt it though.
55,000 votes sets a new record for this point in a season. OK?
Fantasia. I didn't like her during her season.
This duet thing is a whole hell of a lot better than the traditional terrible group performance. It's almost as if they're trying to make me watch more than 15 minutes of a results show.
Is Jennifer wearing a costume from Black Swan?
Not surprised at all that the country couple Lauren and Scotty are getting through. I'm not the biggest Scotty fan but he has a strong voting base.
Is Scotty's head permanently cocked to the side?
Naima and Jacob doing Ashford and Simpson. Eh not my favorite and not nearly as good as the country couple. Good decision America. Naima deserves to be in the bottom.
I can't stand Fantasia's voice or face so I'm skipping over it. Damn, We can stop the search. I just found where all of Jennifer Hudson's weight went.
Pia, Thia and Haley doing Katy Perry and I mean that exactly as it sounds. OK lets cancel that order Randy put in for Pia and Thia to do uptempo songs. Pia and her from the Kardashian collection outfit is safe. I'm a little confused America seems to be getting it right tonight. That doesn't happen very often. Thia joins Naima in the bottom.
Paul, Casey, James and Stefano doing Band on the Run. Which one of these things doesn't fit? Stefano plays the keys just like Linda McCartney used to, without plugging them in. Casey safe and damn well should be. James is deservedly safe. Neither of the two guys left were very good wouldn't be surprised to see either in the bottom. It's Paul.
My prediction is Paul and Thia going home. I think Naima has a bigger voting base than the other two.
Here we go. Paul is safe. Another week of thin voice and bright teeth.
Thank you America. I didn't think you had it in to you send the correct people home. You've restored my faith in......Nah you're going to have to do the right thing a few more times for me to believe this isn't a coincidence.
To wrap up the duet and smaller group songs were a giant improvement over the usual group torture. The still haven't had a guest singer on that I care for maybe next week. I doubt it though.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
American Idol Top 11 Compete Again - 3/30/11
I'm already deducting points from this performance show because Randy's not wearing a cardigan.
Ryan do you think people are still buzzing about last week because you keep talking about last week?
Holy Shit Haley just went complete spazz.
I love Elton John but this could be brutal for some of these contestants.
Time to fast forward through fashion photo shoot piece. If you don't have enough material to fill 2 hours then cut it down to 90 minutes. Please.
I'm predicting Scotty will sound exactly like he hast every other week. The verses are the same terrible country crash test dummies impersonation we hear every week but I thought the chorus was real nice. I just need more steel guitar.
Jennifer just recited a Paula Abdul speech from 2005.
Great Naima is up. Maybe they'll follow it up with a trailer for Arthur and bring home the suck trifecta. If you're not doing an Elton John song before 1977 then you're screwing yourself. Reggae songs should only be about smoking dope and fighting the man. This doesn't qualify and her bad faux reggae accent, whoa. I'm not mad though. I've been pulling for her ouster since the wild card round.
Note to contestants: if Jennifer starts with "I love you" or Randy "Dawg I like you" they thought you sucked.
Paul broke out the Nudie suit again tonight so that's a point in his favor. He giving the opposite performance that Scotty did nice on the verse poor on chorus. He doesn't have enough power in his voice to pull off Rocket Man. He would have been better with off with something like Your Song. Rod Stewart had an unplugged hit with it so it should be in his wheelhouse.
Paul is the only person on earth who can make Ryan look like he needs to hit the teeth whitening clinic.
Pia fills out a dress and she sings ballads. That sunset background is by far the cheesiest moment on AI this season. Sounds good but again boring. This reminded me of the Christian concerts I went to back in the 80's.
Here's how you know Jennifer is a natural beauty. She's in her 40's now and doesn't have old lady hands.
I can't watch the setup for Stefano. His cheeseball factor is off the charts. See Elton was a rocker who could belt out a ballad. When these balladeers try to do these songs they just make them too corny. This guy isn't long for this competition.
Howie Mandel. Why?
Lauren looks like a deer in the headlights tonight. She's a complete mess on stage. Country girl curls. Evening dress. She seems uncomfortable on stage, in the dress but her voice is carrying her through tonight.
Just for the record, Randy is wrong. Steven is telling old man jokes. Jennifer is wrong too. Lauren can sing but she may be dumber than a bag of bricks.
I phased out the nicknames last week but I can't get past how much James looks and acts like a monkey. Him being a WWE fan is perfect. I don't care for the kid much but he's had the best performance by far tonight. Here's my honest opinion on James. He's very immature as a performer. If he had a couple of years on the road he would probably mature into a pretty entertaining stage presence. Right now he performs like a teenage boy having sex. He can't believe he's actually there doing it so he rushes to the end without bringing us to satisfaction.
OK if Pia is boring then I'm going to need a different word for Thia. Dull, bland, banal, insipid any of those will work. She'd be in my bottom 3.
Thank God Casey didn't listen to that bozo and shave off the beard. Your Song is an interesting choice here. I guess he felt like he needed to tone it down to get back in the voting graces of America. He's killing it in a very understated way. Now that was the best performance of the night. If America sends him home again this week then the terrorists have truly won.
One of the only times Randy has been spot on tonight. I'm glad Casey didn't die on stage last week.
Based on the other reviews I've read, I'm one of the only Jacob fans. Screw Jimmy. I like the drama in Jacob's performances. Every great R&B artist has that over dramatic aspect to their persona. The guy knocks it out for me each week. My second favorite performance.
I think I would like this performance by Haley a lot more if I had just listened to it and not watched it. She sounded great but I can't watch her. Her stage performance was uncomfortable at best. BTW the girl needs to cut her hair.
I'm moderately surprised by the overall quality of tonight's performances.
If I were to vote my top 3 would be
1. Casey
2. Jacob
3. James
My bottom 3 would be
1. Thia
2. Naima
3. Paul
I think Thia and Naima deserve to go home but there are 5 contestants I think should be vulnerable tonight the 3 I mentioned plus Scotty and Stefano
Ryan do you think people are still buzzing about last week because you keep talking about last week?
Holy Shit Haley just went complete spazz.
I love Elton John but this could be brutal for some of these contestants.
Time to fast forward through fashion photo shoot piece. If you don't have enough material to fill 2 hours then cut it down to 90 minutes. Please.
I'm predicting Scotty will sound exactly like he hast every other week. The verses are the same terrible country crash test dummies impersonation we hear every week but I thought the chorus was real nice. I just need more steel guitar.
Jennifer just recited a Paula Abdul speech from 2005.
Great Naima is up. Maybe they'll follow it up with a trailer for Arthur and bring home the suck trifecta. If you're not doing an Elton John song before 1977 then you're screwing yourself. Reggae songs should only be about smoking dope and fighting the man. This doesn't qualify and her bad faux reggae accent, whoa. I'm not mad though. I've been pulling for her ouster since the wild card round.
Note to contestants: if Jennifer starts with "I love you" or Randy "Dawg I like you" they thought you sucked.
Paul broke out the Nudie suit again tonight so that's a point in his favor. He giving the opposite performance that Scotty did nice on the verse poor on chorus. He doesn't have enough power in his voice to pull off Rocket Man. He would have been better with off with something like Your Song. Rod Stewart had an unplugged hit with it so it should be in his wheelhouse.
Paul is the only person on earth who can make Ryan look like he needs to hit the teeth whitening clinic.
Pia fills out a dress and she sings ballads. That sunset background is by far the cheesiest moment on AI this season. Sounds good but again boring. This reminded me of the Christian concerts I went to back in the 80's.
Here's how you know Jennifer is a natural beauty. She's in her 40's now and doesn't have old lady hands.
I can't watch the setup for Stefano. His cheeseball factor is off the charts. See Elton was a rocker who could belt out a ballad. When these balladeers try to do these songs they just make them too corny. This guy isn't long for this competition.
Howie Mandel. Why?
Lauren looks like a deer in the headlights tonight. She's a complete mess on stage. Country girl curls. Evening dress. She seems uncomfortable on stage, in the dress but her voice is carrying her through tonight.
Just for the record, Randy is wrong. Steven is telling old man jokes. Jennifer is wrong too. Lauren can sing but she may be dumber than a bag of bricks.
I phased out the nicknames last week but I can't get past how much James looks and acts like a monkey. Him being a WWE fan is perfect. I don't care for the kid much but he's had the best performance by far tonight. Here's my honest opinion on James. He's very immature as a performer. If he had a couple of years on the road he would probably mature into a pretty entertaining stage presence. Right now he performs like a teenage boy having sex. He can't believe he's actually there doing it so he rushes to the end without bringing us to satisfaction.
OK if Pia is boring then I'm going to need a different word for Thia. Dull, bland, banal, insipid any of those will work. She'd be in my bottom 3.
Thank God Casey didn't listen to that bozo and shave off the beard. Your Song is an interesting choice here. I guess he felt like he needed to tone it down to get back in the voting graces of America. He's killing it in a very understated way. Now that was the best performance of the night. If America sends him home again this week then the terrorists have truly won.
One of the only times Randy has been spot on tonight. I'm glad Casey didn't die on stage last week.
Based on the other reviews I've read, I'm one of the only Jacob fans. Screw Jimmy. I like the drama in Jacob's performances. Every great R&B artist has that over dramatic aspect to their persona. The guy knocks it out for me each week. My second favorite performance.
I think I would like this performance by Haley a lot more if I had just listened to it and not watched it. She sounded great but I can't watch her. Her stage performance was uncomfortable at best. BTW the girl needs to cut her hair.
I'm moderately surprised by the overall quality of tonight's performances.
If I were to vote my top 3 would be
1. Casey
2. Jacob
3. James
My bottom 3 would be
1. Thia
2. Naima
3. Paul
I think Thia and Naima deserve to go home but there are 5 contestants I think should be vulnerable tonight the 3 I mentioned plus Scotty and Stefano
Thursday, March 24, 2011
American Idol Top 11 results - 3/24/11
Here's the deal with the results shows. Not only should they not be an hour long but they shouldn't even be half an hour long. I do my best to wrap them up in about 20 minutes if possible. I've got little tolerance for the fluff and guest performers.
Uh Oh Ryan is already warning us that tonight might shock us. I could not name a single Sugarland song. Are they from Sugarland, TX? I'm pretty sure they sing country.
Here we go with what I assume is going to be the traditional horrible group performance.
How were they ever able to pull Marc Anthony? Dude looks like John Leguizamo on a 60 day hunger strike.
I'm not a fan of the guy with the tail screeching all the time. They told Pia they want her to move around and do an uptempo song but after seeing her trying to dance in this group thing. Abort. Abort. Abort.
Hey look it's Stevie Wonder. Am I the only one who is always disturbed by how small Stevie's teeth are? I looks like he never lost his baby teeth. Freaks me out. That and his braided bald ponytail.
Credit to Ford for figuring out that these kids are so bad a lip syncing they needed to go a different direction with the commercials.
Lauren, Pia and Scotty up first. I think Scotty is in the bottom tonight. All three are safe. And Louisiana dropped some profanity on live television. I love her white trashiness.
It's been a week of true confessions for me so I'm going to drop a big one on you people tonight. This is hard to admit but I don't hate Ryan Seacrest anymore. Maybe I've lost a little piss and vinegar in my old age or maybe he's just grown on me but I actually find him tolerable. Whew I feel better now.
Like I said I've never heard a Sugarland song before and after that I don't think I'll ever listen to another one.
I'm not going to comment on that wrestling piece. I think it speaks for itself.
James and Paul. I thought Paul was better but he's going to be a permanent fixture in the bottom 3 until he's eliminated. Well I guess not. Both guys are safe. I don't really understand why the old guy from American Chopper fake punched Ryan.
I wouldn't see that Carrie Underwood movie with Simon Cowell's eyes.
Jacob being safe is no surprise. He had far and away the best performance last night.
Thia and Stefano in the bottom 3 is well deserved. Stefano was terrible and Thia was boring.
I dislike Naima as much as I've ever disliked a contestant.
Casey in the bottom 3 is a shocker and it isn't. It is because he's pretty consistently one of the better performers and maybe the most entertaining of all the contestants. It isn't surprising because I laid down a bet on my sportsbook the week for him to be the last male standing. That may be the jinx of all jinxes.
OK I'm going to say it. I don't like the deflated Jennifer Hudson as much as the one with more meat on her. Boring song. My man George is singing backup. Love that guy.
Thia is safe and the 10 person concert lineup just got a little worse. I've got a bad feeling for my boy Casey. Like I said last night If you "Hello" and you don't have a blind girl sculpting you on stage then you deserve to go home. Hopefully millions of people heeded my words and sent Stefano packing.
Casey is singing for his Idol life. Good song.
Beards get it done.
At least the judges got it right even if all the morons who voted didn't.
Honestly, this whole production seemed like a WWE show right down to the predetermined outcome.
Uh Oh Ryan is already warning us that tonight might shock us. I could not name a single Sugarland song. Are they from Sugarland, TX? I'm pretty sure they sing country.
Here we go with what I assume is going to be the traditional horrible group performance.
How were they ever able to pull Marc Anthony? Dude looks like John Leguizamo on a 60 day hunger strike.
I'm not a fan of the guy with the tail screeching all the time. They told Pia they want her to move around and do an uptempo song but after seeing her trying to dance in this group thing. Abort. Abort. Abort.
Hey look it's Stevie Wonder. Am I the only one who is always disturbed by how small Stevie's teeth are? I looks like he never lost his baby teeth. Freaks me out. That and his braided bald ponytail.
Credit to Ford for figuring out that these kids are so bad a lip syncing they needed to go a different direction with the commercials.
Lauren, Pia and Scotty up first. I think Scotty is in the bottom tonight. All three are safe. And Louisiana dropped some profanity on live television. I love her white trashiness.
It's been a week of true confessions for me so I'm going to drop a big one on you people tonight. This is hard to admit but I don't hate Ryan Seacrest anymore. Maybe I've lost a little piss and vinegar in my old age or maybe he's just grown on me but I actually find him tolerable. Whew I feel better now.
Like I said I've never heard a Sugarland song before and after that I don't think I'll ever listen to another one.
I'm not going to comment on that wrestling piece. I think it speaks for itself.
James and Paul. I thought Paul was better but he's going to be a permanent fixture in the bottom 3 until he's eliminated. Well I guess not. Both guys are safe. I don't really understand why the old guy from American Chopper fake punched Ryan.
I wouldn't see that Carrie Underwood movie with Simon Cowell's eyes.
Jacob being safe is no surprise. He had far and away the best performance last night.
Thia and Stefano in the bottom 3 is well deserved. Stefano was terrible and Thia was boring.
I dislike Naima as much as I've ever disliked a contestant.
Casey in the bottom 3 is a shocker and it isn't. It is because he's pretty consistently one of the better performers and maybe the most entertaining of all the contestants. It isn't surprising because I laid down a bet on my sportsbook the week for him to be the last male standing. That may be the jinx of all jinxes.
OK I'm going to say it. I don't like the deflated Jennifer Hudson as much as the one with more meat on her. Boring song. My man George is singing backup. Love that guy.
Thia is safe and the 10 person concert lineup just got a little worse. I've got a bad feeling for my boy Casey. Like I said last night If you "Hello" and you don't have a blind girl sculpting you on stage then you deserve to go home. Hopefully millions of people heeded my words and sent Stefano packing.
Casey is singing for his Idol life. Good song.
Beards get it done.
At least the judges got it right even if all the morons who voted didn't.
Honestly, this whole production seemed like a WWE show right down to the predetermined outcome.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
American Idol top 11 compete - 3/23/11
Ahh look someone told J-Lo it was her 3rd grade dance recital tonight. Either that or she bumped her head and now thinks she's Selena Gomez.
How many jaguars had to give their lives for Steven's wardrobe? I mean seriously, the guy wears more animal print than a 68 year old Boca woman.
OK let's roll out the annual Motown reel.
While they drone on about how Motown shaped the judges lives, I'll share a little snippet from my wife while we watched last week. After a few words from Steven Tyler she turns to me and says "I can't trust the opinion of a guy with a skunk tail tied in his hair."
Looks like John the Baptist is kicking things off tonight. "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" probably a good choice based on what CCR was able to do with the song. Hate the beginning but picked it up nicely once the music kicked in. Nice performance it won't be the best of the night but he should be safe. He's apparently good friends with Band of Horses or at least their doppelgangers. OK I demand that Casey performs at least once dressed as Dr. Teeth. He's a dead ringer.
It's gonna be really tough for No Melody to sing a Motown song without a melody. Nice big voice but hard to understand. Very lackluster performance almost like she's 16. Oh yeah I forgot.
Swishy Smooth is doing some song I've never heard before but he's singing the shit out of it. This week is a fastball down the heart of the plate for him. Absolutely killed that song. Very restrained with accents in all the right places.
I hate this douche producer whose name I can never remember.
What's Louisiana got tonight. Terrible dress choice for this song. It makes her look way too big and old. Not to mention it's an atrocity of a zebra print. She's rushing through the song and trying to be too clean with it. He strength is when she dirties up a song and adds a southern flair. Wasn't terrible but a miss none the less.
Hey look that chef guy who yells at people is in the audience. That's relevant.
If you do "Hello" and don't have a blind chick sculpting your face on stage then you should automatically go home. Someone needs to tell Stefano that terrible and cheesy is no way to go through life. Does he have to world's smallest soul patch or did he run into a sharpie? I'm pretty sure he's going to be in my bottom 3 this week.
Can someone take a dictionary up to J-Lo during the commercial break and show her what the definition of amazing is.
I don't know what is more impressive Otis Williams' shiny hat bill or the six inch silver heart on his chest.
Poor Mariah just isn't long for this competition. Pretty girl especially for a cyclops but just lacks the chops to go much farther. I do like her growl though. Did she just forget the words? If so ultimate sin. She's gonna entertain a lot of people at church on Sundays but not professional level.
Is it just me or has Jennifer been adding layers of make up at each commercial break.
Let me say 20th Duggar is just about the goofiest looking SOB around. If he pulls this off it will be the upset of the competition. That was a wormy ass handshake Jimmy whatshisname just gave Scotty. I still can't get over the way he two hands the mic. Seriously kid women on the strip two hand mics like that you should not. I feel like the standing ovation is he just got is like the applause at the Special Olympics. He's definitely has a Crash Test Dummies go Nashville style. Is that a good thing?
Winnie Cooper is up next. I hope she's not wearing a bad jumpsuit like last week. She looks a lot better than last week but looking at her is the only thing keeping me awake. This is one of my least favorite Stevie songs and she's doing nothing to make it better. She might win this whole thing because she's got the look and the voice but if Pia doesn't do something to create excitement she may just sleepwalk her way out of the competition. I can't believe I'm actually agreeing with what Jennifer is saying.
I dig Randy's cardigan style this season.
I've got to give Steven credit for not being asleep this week and for not wearing one of Betty White's jackets.
Things are about to get uncomfortable as Laser Teeth falls all over the stage. What I like about this guy is that he knows who he is. Thank God he's got a guitar tonight. I guess the counter weight keeps him from falling all over the stage. This is my favorite performance from Paul this season. It helps that it's also one of my favorite songs.
Whenever Randy asks someone if they had fun that means he's not sure how he feels about the performance.
Can they please outlaw Project Throwaway from wearing her awful creations? Great choice girl because America is full of people who love African dancing. I want her voted off for those pants alone. I didn't get the dancing thing but her singing was pretty good. Dammit.
If Liz Claiborne doesn't pick up Steven Tyler as their spokes model then they're both missing an opportunity here.
Curious George is going to close out the show with "Living for the City." Nothing I like more than listening to someone who nothing about life explain lyrics to a song like this classic Stevie tune. Jesus. Cheeeeeeesy performance and really bad when singing with the back up singers.
The performances overall were pretty good thanks to some great songs. Swishy was on a different planet from everyone else with his performance.
Bottom 3
Mariah
Stefano
20th Duggar
Say goodbye to Mariah and her nice legs.
How many jaguars had to give their lives for Steven's wardrobe? I mean seriously, the guy wears more animal print than a 68 year old Boca woman.
OK let's roll out the annual Motown reel.
While they drone on about how Motown shaped the judges lives, I'll share a little snippet from my wife while we watched last week. After a few words from Steven Tyler she turns to me and says "I can't trust the opinion of a guy with a skunk tail tied in his hair."
Looks like John the Baptist is kicking things off tonight. "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" probably a good choice based on what CCR was able to do with the song. Hate the beginning but picked it up nicely once the music kicked in. Nice performance it won't be the best of the night but he should be safe. He's apparently good friends with Band of Horses or at least their doppelgangers. OK I demand that Casey performs at least once dressed as Dr. Teeth. He's a dead ringer.
It's gonna be really tough for No Melody to sing a Motown song without a melody. Nice big voice but hard to understand. Very lackluster performance almost like she's 16. Oh yeah I forgot.
Swishy Smooth is doing some song I've never heard before but he's singing the shit out of it. This week is a fastball down the heart of the plate for him. Absolutely killed that song. Very restrained with accents in all the right places.
I hate this douche producer whose name I can never remember.
What's Louisiana got tonight. Terrible dress choice for this song. It makes her look way too big and old. Not to mention it's an atrocity of a zebra print. She's rushing through the song and trying to be too clean with it. He strength is when she dirties up a song and adds a southern flair. Wasn't terrible but a miss none the less.
Hey look that chef guy who yells at people is in the audience. That's relevant.
If you do "Hello" and don't have a blind chick sculpting your face on stage then you should automatically go home. Someone needs to tell Stefano that terrible and cheesy is no way to go through life. Does he have to world's smallest soul patch or did he run into a sharpie? I'm pretty sure he's going to be in my bottom 3 this week.
Can someone take a dictionary up to J-Lo during the commercial break and show her what the definition of amazing is.
I don't know what is more impressive Otis Williams' shiny hat bill or the six inch silver heart on his chest.
Poor Mariah just isn't long for this competition. Pretty girl especially for a cyclops but just lacks the chops to go much farther. I do like her growl though. Did she just forget the words? If so ultimate sin. She's gonna entertain a lot of people at church on Sundays but not professional level.
Is it just me or has Jennifer been adding layers of make up at each commercial break.
Let me say 20th Duggar is just about the goofiest looking SOB around. If he pulls this off it will be the upset of the competition. That was a wormy ass handshake Jimmy whatshisname just gave Scotty. I still can't get over the way he two hands the mic. Seriously kid women on the strip two hand mics like that you should not. I feel like the standing ovation is he just got is like the applause at the Special Olympics. He's definitely has a Crash Test Dummies go Nashville style. Is that a good thing?
Winnie Cooper is up next. I hope she's not wearing a bad jumpsuit like last week. She looks a lot better than last week but looking at her is the only thing keeping me awake. This is one of my least favorite Stevie songs and she's doing nothing to make it better. She might win this whole thing because she's got the look and the voice but if Pia doesn't do something to create excitement she may just sleepwalk her way out of the competition. I can't believe I'm actually agreeing with what Jennifer is saying.
I dig Randy's cardigan style this season.
I've got to give Steven credit for not being asleep this week and for not wearing one of Betty White's jackets.
Things are about to get uncomfortable as Laser Teeth falls all over the stage. What I like about this guy is that he knows who he is. Thank God he's got a guitar tonight. I guess the counter weight keeps him from falling all over the stage. This is my favorite performance from Paul this season. It helps that it's also one of my favorite songs.
Whenever Randy asks someone if they had fun that means he's not sure how he feels about the performance.
Can they please outlaw Project Throwaway from wearing her awful creations? Great choice girl because America is full of people who love African dancing. I want her voted off for those pants alone. I didn't get the dancing thing but her singing was pretty good. Dammit.
If Liz Claiborne doesn't pick up Steven Tyler as their spokes model then they're both missing an opportunity here.
Curious George is going to close out the show with "Living for the City." Nothing I like more than listening to someone who nothing about life explain lyrics to a song like this classic Stevie tune. Jesus. Cheeeeeeesy performance and really bad when singing with the back up singers.
The performances overall were pretty good thanks to some great songs. Swishy was on a different planet from everyone else with his performance.
Bottom 3
Mariah
Stefano
20th Duggar
Say goodbye to Mariah and her nice legs.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
American Idol Results Show - 3/10/11
This is the diary that almost wasn't. First my 6 year old canceled all my DVR recordings scheduled for tonight. Then it was my night for bedtime duty with a very difficult 2 year old. So not only am I getting a very late start but the first 10 minutes didn't get recorded. So I'm feeling particularly mean tonight.
I scoured twitter to see what I missed an it appears I missed the 437th consecutive terrible group number and a Ford commercial. By the way you should really be following me (@Fidoz) and my partner in crime (@bcstagg) on Twitter. From what I read Stefano had more than a little trouble with his lip syncing so I've now dubbed him Mr. Ashlee Simpson. OK on with the show.
There may never be a more pleasing first sight on an American Idol show than Amanda Seyfried. I love looking at her but not enough to go see that terrible looking Red Riding Hood thing.
Lets get right to it Swishy and Mr. Simpson and American Telemundo. I think their all safe but if any are in the bottom them it's American Telemundo. Yep she's in the bottom and she deserves to be there.
Adam Lambert showcasing his songwriting skills. If I had to list his skills in order of best to worst I would put singing at number 1 and songwriting somewhere below his ability to intimidate Chuck Norris. He needs to stick to the over the top glam productions.
Steven Tyler needs to tighten that scarf. His gobbler is hanging about four inches lower than it was last night.
Louisiana, Donna Summer 2 and Mariah are up next. DS2 is the most deserving to be in the bottom but this grouping has me completely thrown and with Mariah's song choice she could be in danger. Louisiana and eloquent will not be seen together anytime soon. DS2 and Mariah join American Telemundo in the bottom 3. I can't argue with that. Two of them were absolutely terrible and Mariah made a poor song choice. If there's any justice in the world DS2 will be going home tonight.
I'm going to be completely honest here. I have no idea what a Diddy Dirty Money is. I'm guessing it's got something to do with P. Diddy. I'm kind of digging the piano player. Remember back in 1997 when Puff Daddy was a terrible rapper? Yeah not much has changed except what he calls himself. Profound advice there Diddy. Keep it real.
American Telemundo is safe. Not a shocker.
DS2 is going to sing for her Idol life. She's decided to torture us with that crappy Diana Ross song again. I want to thank her for not tempting the judges into using the save. She's taking her terrible rendition to new lows.
Is anyone else worried about Steven Tyler? He hasn't breathed in an hour.
That was nice of J-Lo to pretend it was a tough decision. Thanks America for doing what the judges should have done last week.
I scoured twitter to see what I missed an it appears I missed the 437th consecutive terrible group number and a Ford commercial. By the way you should really be following me (@Fidoz) and my partner in crime (@bcstagg) on Twitter. From what I read Stefano had more than a little trouble with his lip syncing so I've now dubbed him Mr. Ashlee Simpson. OK on with the show.
There may never be a more pleasing first sight on an American Idol show than Amanda Seyfried. I love looking at her but not enough to go see that terrible looking Red Riding Hood thing.
Lets get right to it Swishy and Mr. Simpson and American Telemundo. I think their all safe but if any are in the bottom them it's American Telemundo. Yep she's in the bottom and she deserves to be there.
Adam Lambert showcasing his songwriting skills. If I had to list his skills in order of best to worst I would put singing at number 1 and songwriting somewhere below his ability to intimidate Chuck Norris. He needs to stick to the over the top glam productions.
Steven Tyler needs to tighten that scarf. His gobbler is hanging about four inches lower than it was last night.
Louisiana, Donna Summer 2 and Mariah are up next. DS2 is the most deserving to be in the bottom but this grouping has me completely thrown and with Mariah's song choice she could be in danger. Louisiana and eloquent will not be seen together anytime soon. DS2 and Mariah join American Telemundo in the bottom 3. I can't argue with that. Two of them were absolutely terrible and Mariah made a poor song choice. If there's any justice in the world DS2 will be going home tonight.
I'm going to be completely honest here. I have no idea what a Diddy Dirty Money is. I'm guessing it's got something to do with P. Diddy. I'm kind of digging the piano player. Remember back in 1997 when Puff Daddy was a terrible rapper? Yeah not much has changed except what he calls himself. Profound advice there Diddy. Keep it real.
American Telemundo is safe. Not a shocker.
DS2 is going to sing for her Idol life. She's decided to torture us with that crappy Diana Ross song again. I want to thank her for not tempting the judges into using the save. She's taking her terrible rendition to new lows.
Is anyone else worried about Steven Tyler? He hasn't breathed in an hour.
That was nice of J-Lo to pretend it was a tough decision. Thanks America for doing what the judges should have done last week.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
American Idol Performance Night - 3/9/11
Ooo J-Lo went for the deep hooker lipstick tonight.
So the contestants get to choose from their personal idols. Great American Idol contestants always have the best taste in music or maybe not.
Louisiana is up first annnnd there it is Shania Twain. Holy Shit Don Was is proof that Planet of the Apes is a true story. This girl isn't doing anything to dispel the American Karaoke label. Pretty flat performance.
Must suck for her to be the first contestant to not blow Steven Tyler away. J-Lo is in full on Paula Abdul mode to kick off the show. If she starts clapping with her fingers pointed outward I'm going to demand a DNA test.
I don't know where this Peaches nickname for Seacrest is coming from but I'm sold. Peaches it is.
When they said someone was doing Joe Cocker it was no doubt John the Baptist was the the one doing it. Let me just say though this isn't a Fucking Joe Cocker song though. It's a Beatles song done in the style of Joe Cocker's rendition. I'm off the John the Baptist train at least for the this week. That is an unforgivable sin in my book.
The guy is a performer though. A lot like Taylor Hicks. Did he just drop a "what you talking about Willis?" in the middle of that song?
Donna Summer 2 is going to do Diana Ross? Wrong. Stick with the one that brought ya. Yep and she's proving that she didn't deserve one of the wild card spots. I'd boo this garbage at a karaoke bar. Diana Ross did a lot of shitty music after she left the Supremes. This is one of those songs. I wish they would have shown the cringes on Berry Gordy's face during the performance. The judges are giving a peyote analysis of this performance.
Laser Teeth is my new favorite contestant. First he broke out the badass Nudie suit last week and now he's doing Ryan Adams' "Come Pick Me Up." Great choice one of my favorite songs. I assume they won't let him sing the "fuck me ups" but I'll live. His thin voice would be better doing a Gram Parsons song but I've got hope for the kinds of songs he's going to bring to the table. The dude's unbalanced falling dance moves make me incredibly nervous.
J-Lo not know Ryan Adams was a lock but Randy is on point. Whiskeytown and Wilco references.
I've got the commercial break to come up with a nickname for Pia. Boom that interview seals it, Winnie Cooper. If you don't get the reference then that's on you. Uh, their really starting to piss me off with giving credit for songs to the people who covered them. "All By Myself" is a song by the sweet white man's fro of Eric Carmen. Get that shit right. I gotta be honest, I have no idea is Winnie is good or bad but she sure as hell fills out that dress.
Steve Tyler just gave her the same look he used to give groupies back in '75 and that he now gives their grand daughters.
That was not a cry worthy performance. If you put J-Lo behind a screen I seriously couldn't tell you if it was her or Paula Abdul.
Do Steven Tyler and Keith Richards go to the same random crap in my hair dresser?
So Curious George is going from Judas Priest to Paul McCartney? I told y'all this dude was a metal poseur. No tail. No beard. Maybe next week he won't have that extra tooth.
Mariah is currently assaulting a Leann Rimes song. I still like her growl but that was not good. That auditorium must have the best acoustics on the planet because these people aren't hearing the same performances I am.
Swishy Smooth being a spa concierge was a slightly smaller favorite than J-Lo not knowing who Ryan Adams was. The beginning was rough but the guy has crazy range. Serious question, I believe Adam Lambert didn't win season 8 because he is gay. At what point do the voters turn on Swishy for not fitting into their comfort zone? Will he be OK as long as he doesn't flaunt it like Lambert did?
Uh Steven you haven't been judging anyone tonight. You didn't just start with Swishy.
I don't know who the guy with the red headphones is but I can't stand him.
No-Melody is back at free styling her own version of songs. This girl is like a hot towel in a barber's chair. Putting me to sleep.
Randy Jackson is aware of lasik surgery right?
If Stevie Wonder wasn't blind, he wouldn't wear his hair like that.
I missed Stefano's performance. I spent the whole song trying to come up with a nickname. I've got nothing. If you've got one for him send it to me and tell me how he did tonight.
Here's a fact of life. Producers wear stupid hats.
American Telemundo is trying to channel her inner Selena right down to her ridiculous outfit. That's a lot of bling. Ugh she butchered the end of that song.
Was there a book taking bets on whether or not Peaches would be taller than any of the women in the finals?
I'm pumped for the 20th Duggar. My kid watches the shit out of that show so I know she'll be excited if he moves on. A country guy doing Garth Brooks? No way. I'm uncomfortable with the way he's two handing that mic. Has this guy suffered a stroke in his life? He seems to only be able to open one side of his mouth. Well you might get to join your baseball team next week after that clunker.
I know American Idol is going up against Top Chef tonight but I think Peaches trying to steal Richard Blais' hair style is going a bit too far.
Project Throwaway should have been thrown away last week. Man that was close. If this chick slips a nip, I'm gonna vomit. I'm not a big fan of the Rhianna version of this song but this is almost as bad as that outfit.
Terribly lackluster showing tonight. Here's my bottom 3
Louisiana
Donna Summer 2
20th Duggar
Donna Summer 2 goes home. She should have never been a finalist in the first place and showed that tonight.
So the contestants get to choose from their personal idols. Great American Idol contestants always have the best taste in music or maybe not.
Louisiana is up first annnnd there it is Shania Twain. Holy Shit Don Was is proof that Planet of the Apes is a true story. This girl isn't doing anything to dispel the American Karaoke label. Pretty flat performance.
Must suck for her to be the first contestant to not blow Steven Tyler away. J-Lo is in full on Paula Abdul mode to kick off the show. If she starts clapping with her fingers pointed outward I'm going to demand a DNA test.
I don't know where this Peaches nickname for Seacrest is coming from but I'm sold. Peaches it is.
When they said someone was doing Joe Cocker it was no doubt John the Baptist was the the one doing it. Let me just say though this isn't a Fucking Joe Cocker song though. It's a Beatles song done in the style of Joe Cocker's rendition. I'm off the John the Baptist train at least for the this week. That is an unforgivable sin in my book.
The guy is a performer though. A lot like Taylor Hicks. Did he just drop a "what you talking about Willis?" in the middle of that song?
Donna Summer 2 is going to do Diana Ross? Wrong. Stick with the one that brought ya. Yep and she's proving that she didn't deserve one of the wild card spots. I'd boo this garbage at a karaoke bar. Diana Ross did a lot of shitty music after she left the Supremes. This is one of those songs. I wish they would have shown the cringes on Berry Gordy's face during the performance. The judges are giving a peyote analysis of this performance.
Laser Teeth is my new favorite contestant. First he broke out the badass Nudie suit last week and now he's doing Ryan Adams' "Come Pick Me Up." Great choice one of my favorite songs. I assume they won't let him sing the "fuck me ups" but I'll live. His thin voice would be better doing a Gram Parsons song but I've got hope for the kinds of songs he's going to bring to the table. The dude's unbalanced falling dance moves make me incredibly nervous.
J-Lo not know Ryan Adams was a lock but Randy is on point. Whiskeytown and Wilco references.
I've got the commercial break to come up with a nickname for Pia. Boom that interview seals it, Winnie Cooper. If you don't get the reference then that's on you. Uh, their really starting to piss me off with giving credit for songs to the people who covered them. "All By Myself" is a song by the sweet white man's fro of Eric Carmen. Get that shit right. I gotta be honest, I have no idea is Winnie is good or bad but she sure as hell fills out that dress.
Steve Tyler just gave her the same look he used to give groupies back in '75 and that he now gives their grand daughters.
That was not a cry worthy performance. If you put J-Lo behind a screen I seriously couldn't tell you if it was her or Paula Abdul.
Do Steven Tyler and Keith Richards go to the same random crap in my hair dresser?
So Curious George is going from Judas Priest to Paul McCartney? I told y'all this dude was a metal poseur. No tail. No beard. Maybe next week he won't have that extra tooth.
Mariah is currently assaulting a Leann Rimes song. I still like her growl but that was not good. That auditorium must have the best acoustics on the planet because these people aren't hearing the same performances I am.
Swishy Smooth being a spa concierge was a slightly smaller favorite than J-Lo not knowing who Ryan Adams was. The beginning was rough but the guy has crazy range. Serious question, I believe Adam Lambert didn't win season 8 because he is gay. At what point do the voters turn on Swishy for not fitting into their comfort zone? Will he be OK as long as he doesn't flaunt it like Lambert did?
Uh Steven you haven't been judging anyone tonight. You didn't just start with Swishy.
I don't know who the guy with the red headphones is but I can't stand him.
No-Melody is back at free styling her own version of songs. This girl is like a hot towel in a barber's chair. Putting me to sleep.
Randy Jackson is aware of lasik surgery right?
If Stevie Wonder wasn't blind, he wouldn't wear his hair like that.
I missed Stefano's performance. I spent the whole song trying to come up with a nickname. I've got nothing. If you've got one for him send it to me and tell me how he did tonight.
Here's a fact of life. Producers wear stupid hats.
American Telemundo is trying to channel her inner Selena right down to her ridiculous outfit. That's a lot of bling. Ugh she butchered the end of that song.
Was there a book taking bets on whether or not Peaches would be taller than any of the women in the finals?
I'm pumped for the 20th Duggar. My kid watches the shit out of that show so I know she'll be excited if he moves on. A country guy doing Garth Brooks? No way. I'm uncomfortable with the way he's two handing that mic. Has this guy suffered a stroke in his life? He seems to only be able to open one side of his mouth. Well you might get to join your baseball team next week after that clunker.
I know American Idol is going up against Top Chef tonight but I think Peaches trying to steal Richard Blais' hair style is going a bit too far.
Project Throwaway should have been thrown away last week. Man that was close. If this chick slips a nip, I'm gonna vomit. I'm not a big fan of the Rhianna version of this song but this is almost as bad as that outfit.
Terribly lackluster showing tonight. Here's my bottom 3
Louisiana
Donna Summer 2
20th Duggar
Donna Summer 2 goes home. She should have never been a finalist in the first place and showed that tonight.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
American Idol - Finalists Named 3/3/11
Welcome to American Idol and playing the part of Poison Ivy tonight, Jennifer Lopez.
Blah, Blah 6 trillion votes. More drama than you've ever seen on this stage. That doesn't say much for the other AI contestants.
Let's get ready to ruuuuuuuummmmmmmmbbbbbbblllleeeee. The guys are up first.
It's the 20th Duggar kid vs. Daniel Larusso. This looks like an easy pick. If one of these guys is going through It's got to be the Duggar kid. Yep. Congrats. Keep going mom and pop might need the money.
Ugh we've got Roid Rage vs. Chris Bosh vs. Mr. Peabody. I didn't think any of these guys were good enough to go through. Mr. Peabody was the best of the three. Nope Bosh and Peabody are gone. I can't take more Roid ra.....Uh OK he's gone too. Good bye.
Poor 20th Duggar all by his lonesome. Probably refreshing getting away from his 19 siblings.
I guess they're doing some of the ladies next. Unnecessary recap. terrible interviews. Yowser. They need to warn us anytime they're going to show Big Bird and Paul Stanley back to back.
Not Fiona Apple wears the exact amount of animal print that makes me want her to go home.
Alright we've got Pia vs. Louisiana. I think they're both going on. I see what you're trying to do AI. That was too easy. I've got to admit Louisiana has some country curves.
Nip-Slip vs. Prom Dress. No way either of these get through. Unless Nip-Slip has promised the full monty if she gets through. Nope both are sent packing. At least for now.
You know they really should do this tournament style. Singer vs. Singer
Grease vs. Donna Summer 2 vs. American Telemundo. Only American Telemundo deserves to get through. So neither Donna Summer made it through. That's a shame because disco is so popular with the kids these day. Too Easy American Telemundo keeping hope alive.
Looks like it's The Untalented Halpern vs. John the Baptist vs. Swishy Smooth. This group will have a 66% success rate. Any other result will be a huge upset. Swishy glides into the next round. John the Baptist will be baptizing us is awesomeness for another week. Maybe your brother can get you a job at Dunder Miflin Mr. Halpern.
My daughter just told me she doesn't know whether the person on the end with all the hair is a man or a woman. Don't worry sweetie that's a common mistake. A couple of weeks ago Padma wore the same shirt Steven Tyler's wearing but looked much better in it.
Here we go Paul Stanley vs. Big Bird vs. No Melody. Big Bird is taking terrible dresses to a new level. I mean they're all the same dress but she's increasing the pattern difficulty with each new edition. Only No Melody should go on but Big Bird could slip by in a small upset.
Side note here. When a 15 year old is compared to Michael Jackson how do they take that? In their lifetime they've only known him a drugged out, child molesting weirdo. People my age think back to Billie Jean and Thriller. People No Melody's age remember what? Him hanging Blanket out of a window?
OK back to the results. Big Bird goes down. No Melody gets through. Even though Paul Stanley was cut I still think Paul and the 2 Donnas could make a good living on the impersonator circuit.
Here comes The Pocket Tomato vs. Laser Teeth. I'm digging Laser Teeth's Nudie Jacket. He may not make it through but major respect for that jacket. Pocket Tomato liking to hug was -600. Wow I cannot believe there's an hour of this left. I happy with that result but that dude has to promise to wear the whole suit during next week's performance.
Mariah vs. Not Fiona Apple. I think my wishes are clear between these two. Not Fiona Apple wears way too much animal print. Mariah besides damn near being a cyclops is much better looking and I dig her growl. Awesome, in no way is she gonna win but Not Fiona had that "I'm too good for you" bitchy New York attitude and I don't need that on my AI stage. Beat it Not Fiona.
Curious George vs. Stefano. I re-watched Curious George's performance and was more impressed the second time. However, I don't think he gets through right here. Stefano had that pop sound young girls like and that's who votes for this right? Seriously no adults are actually calling in to vote on this stuff right? I'm a little surprised that one of these guys didn't make it in over Laser Teeth but I'd lay good money that the one who doesn't make it right now, gets through in the wild card round. Does anyone else find it highly ironic to call a guy with a faux hawk "organic and real?" Maybe it's just me. Obviously, they saved that for last because it was the one upset of the night. Curious George gets through.
I call BS on them picking 3 guys and 3 girls. The talent pool on the guys' side is much deeper. Both of the wild card picks should be guys tonight.
First up Donna Summer 2. Not good. Sorry but I think you are going. Way too much song for DS2. I'm telling you impersonator's circuit. It's a goldmine. Well if she doesn't make it through she can always take with her the memory of Ryan Seacrest cupping her breast right then.
What is is about Stefano and Pia that I don't have nicknames for them?
I don't like the song but Stefano is knocking it out. He's gotta get through.
Oh no not this cheese ball. I thought we were done with his ridiculousness. If a light fell on this guy mid song, we would all be blessed.
Good God. I was hoping to never have to see one of those dresses again. Look, it's 8:45 and I'm damn near 40. You can't expect me to stay awake through a performance like that. Boooorrrringgg
Daniel Larusso is our final competitor tonight. Get a body bag! Yeah! Daniel may have pulled it out of the bag.
It's definitely between Daniel Larusso, Stefano and Grease.
Fake deliberation. Fake deliberation. Oh we happen to have a Jennifer Lopez video to fill the time.
OK I kind of understand playing this music in a club setting and by the way this is the 600th version of this particular club song, but do people actually buy music like this to listen to at home or in the car?
Obviously, that pick of DS2 wasn't based on tonight's performance.
Stefano well deserving.
What? The fix was in. Can I have the last hour of my life back. If you were just going to select contestants regardless of how they performed tonight we could have cut this thing in half. Big Bird gets through but from now on she will be known as Project Throwaway.
I'm gonna go ahead and call my shot. The three finalists will be John the Baptist, Stefano and Swishy Smooth with everyone getting religion when John the Baptist walks away with the title.
Blah, Blah 6 trillion votes. More drama than you've ever seen on this stage. That doesn't say much for the other AI contestants.
Let's get ready to ruuuuuuuummmmmmmmbbbbbbblllleeeee. The guys are up first.
It's the 20th Duggar kid vs. Daniel Larusso. This looks like an easy pick. If one of these guys is going through It's got to be the Duggar kid. Yep. Congrats. Keep going mom and pop might need the money.
Ugh we've got Roid Rage vs. Chris Bosh vs. Mr. Peabody. I didn't think any of these guys were good enough to go through. Mr. Peabody was the best of the three. Nope Bosh and Peabody are gone. I can't take more Roid ra.....Uh OK he's gone too. Good bye.
Poor 20th Duggar all by his lonesome. Probably refreshing getting away from his 19 siblings.
I guess they're doing some of the ladies next. Unnecessary recap. terrible interviews. Yowser. They need to warn us anytime they're going to show Big Bird and Paul Stanley back to back.
Not Fiona Apple wears the exact amount of animal print that makes me want her to go home.
Alright we've got Pia vs. Louisiana. I think they're both going on. I see what you're trying to do AI. That was too easy. I've got to admit Louisiana has some country curves.
Nip-Slip vs. Prom Dress. No way either of these get through. Unless Nip-Slip has promised the full monty if she gets through. Nope both are sent packing. At least for now.
You know they really should do this tournament style. Singer vs. Singer
Grease vs. Donna Summer 2 vs. American Telemundo. Only American Telemundo deserves to get through. So neither Donna Summer made it through. That's a shame because disco is so popular with the kids these day. Too Easy American Telemundo keeping hope alive.
Looks like it's The Untalented Halpern vs. John the Baptist vs. Swishy Smooth. This group will have a 66% success rate. Any other result will be a huge upset. Swishy glides into the next round. John the Baptist will be baptizing us is awesomeness for another week. Maybe your brother can get you a job at Dunder Miflin Mr. Halpern.
My daughter just told me she doesn't know whether the person on the end with all the hair is a man or a woman. Don't worry sweetie that's a common mistake. A couple of weeks ago Padma wore the same shirt Steven Tyler's wearing but looked much better in it.
Here we go Paul Stanley vs. Big Bird vs. No Melody. Big Bird is taking terrible dresses to a new level. I mean they're all the same dress but she's increasing the pattern difficulty with each new edition. Only No Melody should go on but Big Bird could slip by in a small upset.
Side note here. When a 15 year old is compared to Michael Jackson how do they take that? In their lifetime they've only known him a drugged out, child molesting weirdo. People my age think back to Billie Jean and Thriller. People No Melody's age remember what? Him hanging Blanket out of a window?
OK back to the results. Big Bird goes down. No Melody gets through. Even though Paul Stanley was cut I still think Paul and the 2 Donnas could make a good living on the impersonator circuit.
Here comes The Pocket Tomato vs. Laser Teeth. I'm digging Laser Teeth's Nudie Jacket. He may not make it through but major respect for that jacket. Pocket Tomato liking to hug was -600. Wow I cannot believe there's an hour of this left. I happy with that result but that dude has to promise to wear the whole suit during next week's performance.
Mariah vs. Not Fiona Apple. I think my wishes are clear between these two. Not Fiona Apple wears way too much animal print. Mariah besides damn near being a cyclops is much better looking and I dig her growl. Awesome, in no way is she gonna win but Not Fiona had that "I'm too good for you" bitchy New York attitude and I don't need that on my AI stage. Beat it Not Fiona.
Curious George vs. Stefano. I re-watched Curious George's performance and was more impressed the second time. However, I don't think he gets through right here. Stefano had that pop sound young girls like and that's who votes for this right? Seriously no adults are actually calling in to vote on this stuff right? I'm a little surprised that one of these guys didn't make it in over Laser Teeth but I'd lay good money that the one who doesn't make it right now, gets through in the wild card round. Does anyone else find it highly ironic to call a guy with a faux hawk "organic and real?" Maybe it's just me. Obviously, they saved that for last because it was the one upset of the night. Curious George gets through.
I call BS on them picking 3 guys and 3 girls. The talent pool on the guys' side is much deeper. Both of the wild card picks should be guys tonight.
First up Donna Summer 2. Not good. Sorry but I think you are going. Way too much song for DS2. I'm telling you impersonator's circuit. It's a goldmine. Well if she doesn't make it through she can always take with her the memory of Ryan Seacrest cupping her breast right then.
What is is about Stefano and Pia that I don't have nicknames for them?
I don't like the song but Stefano is knocking it out. He's gotta get through.
Oh no not this cheese ball. I thought we were done with his ridiculousness. If a light fell on this guy mid song, we would all be blessed.
Good God. I was hoping to never have to see one of those dresses again. Look, it's 8:45 and I'm damn near 40. You can't expect me to stay awake through a performance like that. Boooorrrringgg
Daniel Larusso is our final competitor tonight. Get a body bag! Yeah! Daniel may have pulled it out of the bag.
It's definitely between Daniel Larusso, Stefano and Grease.
Fake deliberation. Fake deliberation. Oh we happen to have a Jennifer Lopez video to fill the time.
OK I kind of understand playing this music in a club setting and by the way this is the 600th version of this particular club song, but do people actually buy music like this to listen to at home or in the car?
Obviously, that pick of DS2 wasn't based on tonight's performance.
Stefano well deserving.
What? The fix was in. Can I have the last hour of my life back. If you were just going to select contestants regardless of how they performed tonight we could have cut this thing in half. Big Bird gets through but from now on she will be known as Project Throwaway.
I'm gonna go ahead and call my shot. The three finalists will be John the Baptist, Stefano and Swishy Smooth with everyone getting religion when John the Baptist walks away with the title.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
American Idol - Guy's Performances 2/29/11
I haven't watched any of the audition episodes of American Idol because I hate them. I've somehow lost my desire to watch attention seeking dumbasses make fools out of themselves and waste my time. So forgive me if I don't know the names of the AI contestants yet but here goes my thoughts on tonight's performances.
First up is this guy I'm not sure what his name is but he stole Mr. Peabody's glasses so we'll go with that. In the words of Randy Jackson "Dawg, Dawg, Dawg that was aight." Stevie's been done to death but it was good enough to get you through to next week.
Holy Shit did Steven Tyler have his eyes surgically squinted?
Roid Rage is up next with "I'll Be." I've seen this song done maybe 900 times on AI and I still don't know who sings the original. I wouldn't go buffing the calluses off your hands just yet. I don't think you're long for this competition.
This guy's name is Jordan but he looks and sings like Chris Bosh. Next.
I didn't know Jim Halpert had a younger less talented brother but apparently he does and his name is Tim. If I had any idea what song that was I would have already forgotten it.
It's official Paula Abdul was able to sneak up to the judges table by wearing a Jennifer Lopez suit. Clap Clap Clap. You're amazing.
What the hell is this? Geddy Lee had Shaun White's baby and named it Brett. He's brutalizing The Doors right now but how can you vote out a half Canadian, half Red Head gay love child who could literally fit in your pocket.
Wow somewhere Curious George is crying over his missing ears. It's my opinion that all the world's best rockers have come from AI. You know like....uh....ummmm........Hey look he has a tail too.
This guy is boring and rocking the perfect Daniel Larussa hairdo. He better hope the arms of an angel can help him get away from those dudes in skeleton costumes.
Up next Jim Bob Duggar singing a country song in the style of the Crash Test Dummies. He'll get another chance because AI is coocoo for country.
Stefano was infinitely more menacing that Victor Kiriakis on Days of Our Lives. Based on that alone I'm down with this guy minus his ridiculous haircut.
I'm only getting a sense of what this guy looks like because I can't look directly at his teeth without my eyes bleeding so I'll refer to @seanincypress on this one "I liked that dude's voice better when it was named Carol Channing."
What was Randy saying when he call laser teeth "corky?" Was that a Downs Syndrome crack?
This guy can sing nearly as well as he swishes. I like it. Best so far.
I can't say this any better than I tweeted it live "John the Baptist is singing the shit out of this song." And yes I just quoted myself.
That was tonight's performances here's how they line up from where I sit:
Top 3
Swishy Smooth
John the Baptist
Stefano
Bottom 3
Chris Bosh
Jim Halpert's little brother
Roid Rage
AI has proven they don't like skinny black men so I think Chris Bosh is one and done.
First up is this guy I'm not sure what his name is but he stole Mr. Peabody's glasses so we'll go with that. In the words of Randy Jackson "Dawg, Dawg, Dawg that was aight." Stevie's been done to death but it was good enough to get you through to next week.
Holy Shit did Steven Tyler have his eyes surgically squinted?
Roid Rage is up next with "I'll Be." I've seen this song done maybe 900 times on AI and I still don't know who sings the original. I wouldn't go buffing the calluses off your hands just yet. I don't think you're long for this competition.
This guy's name is Jordan but he looks and sings like Chris Bosh. Next.
I didn't know Jim Halpert had a younger less talented brother but apparently he does and his name is Tim. If I had any idea what song that was I would have already forgotten it.
It's official Paula Abdul was able to sneak up to the judges table by wearing a Jennifer Lopez suit. Clap Clap Clap. You're amazing.
What the hell is this? Geddy Lee had Shaun White's baby and named it Brett. He's brutalizing The Doors right now but how can you vote out a half Canadian, half Red Head gay love child who could literally fit in your pocket.
Wow somewhere Curious George is crying over his missing ears. It's my opinion that all the world's best rockers have come from AI. You know like....uh....ummmm........Hey look he has a tail too.
This guy is boring and rocking the perfect Daniel Larussa hairdo. He better hope the arms of an angel can help him get away from those dudes in skeleton costumes.
Up next Jim Bob Duggar singing a country song in the style of the Crash Test Dummies. He'll get another chance because AI is coocoo for country.
Stefano was infinitely more menacing that Victor Kiriakis on Days of Our Lives. Based on that alone I'm down with this guy minus his ridiculous haircut.
I'm only getting a sense of what this guy looks like because I can't look directly at his teeth without my eyes bleeding so I'll refer to @seanincypress on this one "I liked that dude's voice better when it was named Carol Channing."
What was Randy saying when he call laser teeth "corky?" Was that a Downs Syndrome crack?
This guy can sing nearly as well as he swishes. I like it. Best so far.
I can't say this any better than I tweeted it live "John the Baptist is singing the shit out of this song." And yes I just quoted myself.
That was tonight's performances here's how they line up from where I sit:
Top 3
Swishy Smooth
John the Baptist
Stefano
Bottom 3
Chris Bosh
Jim Halpert's little brother
Roid Rage
AI has proven they don't like skinny black men so I think Chris Bosh is one and done.
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