So the contestants get to choose from their personal idols. Great American Idol contestants always have the best taste in music or maybe not.
Louisiana is up first annnnd there it is Shania Twain. Holy Shit Don Was is proof that Planet of the Apes is a true story. This girl isn't doing anything to dispel the American Karaoke label. Pretty flat performance.
Must suck for her to be the first contestant to not blow Steven Tyler away. J-Lo is in full on Paula Abdul mode to kick off the show. If she starts clapping with her fingers pointed outward I'm going to demand a DNA test.
I don't know where this Peaches nickname for Seacrest is coming from but I'm sold. Peaches it is.
When they said someone was doing Joe Cocker it was no doubt John the Baptist was the the one doing it. Let me just say though this isn't a Fucking Joe Cocker song though. It's a Beatles song done in the style of Joe Cocker's rendition. I'm off the John the Baptist train at least for the this week. That is an unforgivable sin in my book.
The guy is a performer though. A lot like Taylor Hicks. Did he just drop a "what you talking about Willis?" in the middle of that song?
Donna Summer 2 is going to do Diana Ross? Wrong. Stick with the one that brought ya. Yep and she's proving that she didn't deserve one of the wild card spots. I'd boo this garbage at a karaoke bar. Diana Ross did a lot of shitty music after she left the Supremes. This is one of those songs. I wish they would have shown the cringes on Berry Gordy's face during the performance. The judges are giving a peyote analysis of this performance.
Laser Teeth is my new favorite contestant. First he broke out the badass Nudie suit last week and now he's doing Ryan Adams' "Come Pick Me Up." Great choice one of my favorite songs. I assume they won't let him sing the "fuck me ups" but I'll live. His thin voice would be better doing a Gram Parsons song but I've got hope for the kinds of songs he's going to bring to the table. The dude's unbalanced falling dance moves make me incredibly nervous.
J-Lo not know Ryan Adams was a lock but Randy is on point. Whiskeytown and Wilco references.
I've got the commercial break to come up with a nickname for Pia. Boom that interview seals it, Winnie Cooper. If you don't get the reference then that's on you. Uh, their really starting to piss me off with giving credit for songs to the people who covered them. "All By Myself" is a song by the sweet white man's fro of Eric Carmen. Get that shit right. I gotta be honest, I have no idea is Winnie is good or bad but she sure as hell fills out that dress.
Steve Tyler just gave her the same look he used to give groupies back in '75 and that he now gives their grand daughters.
That was not a cry worthy performance. If you put J-Lo behind a screen I seriously couldn't tell you if it was her or Paula Abdul.
Do Steven Tyler and Keith Richards go to the same random crap in my hair dresser?
So Curious George is going from Judas Priest to Paul McCartney? I told y'all this dude was a metal poseur. No tail. No beard. Maybe next week he won't have that extra tooth.
Mariah is currently assaulting a Leann Rimes song. I still like her growl but that was not good. That auditorium must have the best acoustics on the planet because these people aren't hearing the same performances I am.
Swishy Smooth being a spa concierge was a slightly smaller favorite than J-Lo not knowing who Ryan Adams was. The beginning was rough but the guy has crazy range. Serious question, I believe Adam Lambert didn't win season 8 because he is gay. At what point do the voters turn on Swishy for not fitting into their comfort zone? Will he be OK as long as he doesn't flaunt it like Lambert did?
Uh Steven you haven't been judging anyone tonight. You didn't just start with Swishy.
I don't know who the guy with the red headphones is but I can't stand him.
No-Melody is back at free styling her own version of songs. This girl is like a hot towel in a barber's chair. Putting me to sleep.
Randy Jackson is aware of lasik surgery right?
If Stevie Wonder wasn't blind, he wouldn't wear his hair like that.
I missed Stefano's performance. I spent the whole song trying to come up with a nickname. I've got nothing. If you've got one for him send it to me and tell me how he did tonight.
Here's a fact of life. Producers wear stupid hats.
American Telemundo is trying to channel her inner Selena right down to her ridiculous outfit. That's a lot of bling. Ugh she butchered the end of that song.
Was there a book taking bets on whether or not Peaches would be taller than any of the women in the finals?
I'm pumped for the 20th Duggar. My kid watches the shit out of that show so I know she'll be excited if he moves on. A country guy doing Garth Brooks? No way. I'm uncomfortable with the way he's two handing that mic. Has this guy suffered a stroke in his life? He seems to only be able to open one side of his mouth. Well you might get to join your baseball team next week after that clunker.
I know American Idol is going up against Top Chef tonight but I think Peaches trying to steal Richard Blais' hair style is going a bit too far.
Project Throwaway should have been thrown away last week. Man that was close. If this chick slips a nip, I'm gonna vomit. I'm not a big fan of the Rhianna version of this song but this is almost as bad as that outfit.
Terribly lackluster showing tonight. Here's my bottom 3
Louisiana
Donna Summer 2
20th Duggar
Donna Summer 2 goes home. She should have never been a finalist in the first place and showed that tonight.
Ashton has got to go. She never should have been here in the first place. Don't kid yourself. Lauren Alaina, "Louisiana", isn't going anywhere. American Telemundo was pretty awful. She definitely is in my bottom 3. Scotty's problem is mic placement. He's not going anywhere either.
ReplyDeleteI could have easily put American Telemundo in the botton 3. She was terrible.
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