How many jaguars had to give their lives for Steven's wardrobe? I mean seriously, the guy wears more animal print than a 68 year old Boca woman.
OK let's roll out the annual Motown reel.
While they drone on about how Motown shaped the judges lives, I'll share a little snippet from my wife while we watched last week. After a few words from Steven Tyler she turns to me and says "I can't trust the opinion of a guy with a skunk tail tied in his hair."
Looks like John the Baptist is kicking things off tonight. "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" probably a good choice based on what CCR was able to do with the song. Hate the beginning but picked it up nicely once the music kicked in. Nice performance it won't be the best of the night but he should be safe. He's apparently good friends with Band of Horses or at least their doppelgangers. OK I demand that Casey performs at least once dressed as Dr. Teeth. He's a dead ringer.
It's gonna be really tough for No Melody to sing a Motown song without a melody. Nice big voice but hard to understand. Very lackluster performance almost like she's 16. Oh yeah I forgot.
Swishy Smooth is doing some song I've never heard before but he's singing the shit out of it. This week is a fastball down the heart of the plate for him. Absolutely killed that song. Very restrained with accents in all the right places.
I hate this douche producer whose name I can never remember.
What's Louisiana got tonight. Terrible dress choice for this song. It makes her look way too big and old. Not to mention it's an atrocity of a zebra print. She's rushing through the song and trying to be too clean with it. He strength is when she dirties up a song and adds a southern flair. Wasn't terrible but a miss none the less.
Hey look that chef guy who yells at people is in the audience. That's relevant.
If you do "Hello" and don't have a blind chick sculpting your face on stage then you should automatically go home. Someone needs to tell Stefano that terrible and cheesy is no way to go through life. Does he have to world's smallest soul patch or did he run into a sharpie? I'm pretty sure he's going to be in my bottom 3 this week.
Can someone take a dictionary up to J-Lo during the commercial break and show her what the definition of amazing is.
I don't know what is more impressive Otis Williams' shiny hat bill or the six inch silver heart on his chest.
Poor Mariah just isn't long for this competition. Pretty girl especially for a cyclops but just lacks the chops to go much farther. I do like her growl though. Did she just forget the words? If so ultimate sin. She's gonna entertain a lot of people at church on Sundays but not professional level.
Is it just me or has Jennifer been adding layers of make up at each commercial break.
Let me say 20th Duggar is just about the goofiest looking SOB around. If he pulls this off it will be the upset of the competition. That was a wormy ass handshake Jimmy whatshisname just gave Scotty. I still can't get over the way he two hands the mic. Seriously kid women on the strip two hand mics like that you should not. I feel like the standing ovation is he just got is like the applause at the Special Olympics. He's definitely has a Crash Test Dummies go Nashville style. Is that a good thing?
Winnie Cooper is up next. I hope she's not wearing a bad jumpsuit like last week. She looks a lot better than last week but looking at her is the only thing keeping me awake. This is one of my least favorite Stevie songs and she's doing nothing to make it better. She might win this whole thing because she's got the look and the voice but if Pia doesn't do something to create excitement she may just sleepwalk her way out of the competition. I can't believe I'm actually agreeing with what Jennifer is saying.
I dig Randy's cardigan style this season.
I've got to give Steven credit for not being asleep this week and for not wearing one of Betty White's jackets.
Things are about to get uncomfortable as Laser Teeth falls all over the stage. What I like about this guy is that he knows who he is. Thank God he's got a guitar tonight. I guess the counter weight keeps him from falling all over the stage. This is my favorite performance from Paul this season. It helps that it's also one of my favorite songs.
Whenever Randy asks someone if they had fun that means he's not sure how he feels about the performance.
Can they please outlaw Project Throwaway from wearing her awful creations? Great choice girl because America is full of people who love African dancing. I want her voted off for those pants alone. I didn't get the dancing thing but her singing was pretty good. Dammit.
If Liz Claiborne doesn't pick up Steven Tyler as their spokes model then they're both missing an opportunity here.
Curious George is going to close out the show with "Living for the City." Nothing I like more than listening to someone who nothing about life explain lyrics to a song like this classic Stevie tune. Jesus. Cheeeeeeesy performance and really bad when singing with the back up singers.
The performances overall were pretty good thanks to some great songs. Swishy was on a different planet from everyone else with his performance.
Bottom 3
Mariah
Stefano
20th Duggar
Say goodbye to Mariah and her nice legs.
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