American Idol - Finalists Named 3/3/11

Welcome to American Idol and playing the part of Poison Ivy tonight, Jennifer Lopez.

Blah, Blah 6 trillion votes. More drama than you've ever seen on this stage. That doesn't say much for the other AI contestants.

Let's get ready to ruuuuuuuummmmmmmmbbbbbbblllleeeee. The guys are up first.

It's the 20th Duggar kid vs. Daniel Larusso. This looks like an easy pick. If one of these guys is going through It's got to be the Duggar kid. Yep. Congrats. Keep going mom and pop might need the money.

Ugh we've got Roid Rage vs. Chris Bosh vs. Mr. Peabody. I didn't think any of these guys were good enough to go through. Mr. Peabody was the best of the three.  Nope Bosh and Peabody are gone. I can't take more Roid ra.....Uh OK he's gone too. Good bye.

Poor 20th Duggar all by his lonesome. Probably refreshing getting away from his 19 siblings.

I guess they're doing some of the ladies next.  Unnecessary recap. terrible interviews.  Yowser. They need to warn us anytime they're going to show Big Bird and Paul Stanley back to back.

Not Fiona Apple wears the exact amount of animal print that makes me want her to go home.

Alright we've got Pia vs. Louisiana. I think they're both going on. I see what you're trying to do AI. That was too easy. I've got to admit Louisiana has some country curves.

Nip-Slip vs. Prom Dress. No way either of these get through. Unless Nip-Slip has promised the full monty if she gets through.  Nope both are sent packing. At least for now.

You know they really should do this tournament style. Singer vs. Singer

Grease vs. Donna Summer 2 vs. American Telemundo. Only American Telemundo deserves to get through. So neither Donna Summer made it through. That's a shame because disco is so popular with the kids these day. Too Easy American Telemundo keeping hope alive.

Looks like it's The Untalented Halpern vs. John the Baptist vs. Swishy Smooth. This group will have a 66% success rate. Any other result will be a huge upset. Swishy glides into the next round. John the Baptist will be baptizing us is awesomeness for another week. Maybe your brother can get you a job at Dunder Miflin Mr. Halpern.

My daughter just told me she doesn't know whether the person on the end with all the hair is a man or a woman. Don't worry sweetie that's a common mistake. A couple of weeks ago Padma wore the same shirt Steven Tyler's wearing but looked much better in it.

Here we go Paul Stanley vs. Big Bird vs. No Melody. Big Bird is taking terrible dresses to a new level. I mean they're all the same dress but she's increasing the pattern difficulty with each new edition. Only No Melody should go on but Big Bird could slip by in a small upset.

Side note here. When a 15 year old is compared to Michael Jackson how do they take that? In their lifetime they've only known him a drugged out, child molesting weirdo. People my age think back to Billie Jean and Thriller. People No Melody's age remember what? Him hanging Blanket out of a window?

OK back to the results. Big Bird goes down. No Melody gets through. Even though Paul Stanley was cut I still think Paul and the 2 Donnas could make a good living on the impersonator circuit.

Here comes The Pocket Tomato vs. Laser Teeth. I'm digging Laser Teeth's Nudie Jacket. He may not make it through but major respect for that jacket. Pocket Tomato liking to hug was -600. Wow I cannot believe there's an hour of this left. I happy with that result but that dude has to promise to wear the whole suit during next week's performance.

Mariah vs. Not Fiona Apple. I think my wishes are clear between these two. Not Fiona Apple wears way too much animal print. Mariah besides damn near being a cyclops is much better looking and I dig her growl. Awesome, in no way is she gonna win but Not Fiona had that "I'm too good for you" bitchy New York attitude and I don't need that on my AI stage. Beat it Not Fiona.

Curious George vs. Stefano. I re-watched Curious George's performance and was more impressed the second time. However, I don't think he gets through right here. Stefano had that pop sound young girls like and that's who votes for this right? Seriously no adults are actually calling in to vote on this stuff right? I'm a little surprised that one of these guys didn't make it in over Laser Teeth but I'd lay good money that the one who doesn't make it right now, gets through in the wild card round. Does anyone else find it highly ironic to call a guy with a faux hawk "organic and real?" Maybe it's just me.  Obviously, they saved that for last because it was the one upset of the night. Curious George gets through.

I call BS on them picking 3 guys and 3 girls. The talent pool on the guys' side is much deeper. Both of the wild card picks should be guys tonight.

First up Donna Summer 2. Not good. Sorry but I think you are going. Way too much song for DS2. I'm telling you impersonator's circuit. It's a goldmine. Well if she doesn't make it through she can always take with her the memory of Ryan Seacrest cupping her breast right then.

What is is about Stefano and Pia that I don't have nicknames for them?

I don't like the song but Stefano is knocking it out. He's gotta get through.



Oh no not this cheese ball. I thought we were done with his ridiculousness. If a light fell on this guy mid song, we would all be blessed.

Good God. I was hoping to never have to see one of those dresses again. Look, it's 8:45 and I'm damn near 40. You can't expect me to stay awake through a performance like that. Boooorrrringgg

Daniel Larusso is our final competitor tonight. Get a body bag! Yeah! Daniel may have pulled it out of the bag.

It's definitely between Daniel Larusso, Stefano and Grease. 

Fake deliberation. Fake deliberation. Oh we happen to have a Jennifer Lopez video to fill the time.

OK I kind of understand playing this music in a club setting and by the way this is the 600th version of this particular club song, but do people actually buy music like this to listen to at home or in the car?

Obviously, that pick of DS2 wasn't based on tonight's performance.

Stefano well deserving.

What? The fix was in. Can I have the last hour of my life back. If you were just going to select contestants regardless of how they performed tonight we could have cut this thing in half. Big Bird gets through but from now on she will be known as Project Throwaway.

I'm gonna go ahead and call my shot. The three finalists will be John the Baptist, Stefano and Swishy Smooth with everyone getting religion when John the Baptist walks away with the title.