ApeDonkey Power Rankings - 2/7/11

Top 5

1. Green Bay Packers - You win the Super Bowl, you get the top spot on the power rankings. Aaron Rodgers was just shy of spectacular. Actually, Rodgers was spectacular. His receivers on the other hand did there best to keep the Steelers in the game. James Jones and Jordy Nelson dropped two to three sure touchdowns. On a positive note for the Steelers, Ben Roethlisberger didn't sexually assault anyone yesterday, at least not during game time.

2. Timely Errands - I was out grilling burgers so I missed what seems to have been a pretty terrible rendition of the National Anthem by Christina Aguilera complete with leaving out a one stanza. Hey, you guys can't have it both ways though. You can either complain that she sounded terrible or that she forgot part of the song. If she sounded that bad then consider it a blessing she left part of the song out.

Fortunately, I had to run out to the store during halftime and was spared whatever the hell that was the Black Eye Peas were doing. I missed most of the performance, just catching the tail end but I did catch enough of Fergie's act to send me straight to WebMD to check if I needed to get a Valtrex prescription.

3. Brooklyn Decker - I guess she has a movie coming out with Adam Sandler. I don't care about that though. Any movie with Sandler and Jennifer Aniston is bound to set a new record for being unwatchable. Brooklyn is also burning up the pages of Esquire this month. She's been the hottest SI model for about five years now. I'm convinced Brooklyn's pick'em videos with Dr. Z is what gave him a stroke. Sampras and Aggasi can sit around polishing their 22 Grand Slam trophies all they want. As long as Roddick gets to polish Brooklyn Decker, advantage Roddick.

4. Justified - Raylan Givens and his itchy trigger finger are back this week. After dealing with Boyd and Bo Crowder last season, these human trafficking, moonshiners shouldn't pose any problem for our favorite US Marshal. Yeah right.

5. The ApeDonkey - Sometime last night the ApeDonkey blog surpassed 10,000 page views. That's just the beginning but I'm pretty proud none the less. That's not bad for a guy who has nothing better to do but watch a ton of TV and movies. Now with Barry helping out with the blog, we're looking to bring you even more TV, movie, sports and general observations in the fucked up world.


Bottom 5

1. Dallas - Thank God it was a good game because the rest of the week completely sucked. I understand you can't control the weather but I like to think that God was trying to tell us that many douche bags shouldn't congregate in one place. Was the snow and ice falling off the stadium on to bystanders something you couldn't control too? How about the 400 fans that didn't get the seats they paid for. I know you'll get another Super Bowl. You've got a billion dollar stadium an owner that stops at nothing to get what he wants and most of all no one dared to give the illusion of showing a nipple on national television. Congratulations Dallas for the 172 year in a row, you suck.

2. Brett Favre - This just hasn't been the Cock Shotter's year. First he throws a dumb interception in overtime that cost the Vikings a trip to the Super Bowl. Then it's revealed he made several calls propositioning Jenn Sterger. The pics of his cock and crocs were released to the public. Everyone finds out he's a dog that will get you fired if a happy ending isn't included with that massage. He finally missed a game for the first time in nearly 20 years. If all that wasn't a big enough kick in the nuts, his former team the Packers won the Super Bowl last night and his memory and legacy in Green Bay faded just a little bit more.

3. Radio Row - The best thing about the Super Bowl being over is no more radio row. Every year those of us who listen to sports talk radio are tortured with a week of terrible interviews involving former players rehashing the same stories they've told 3000 times before then trying to sell us the latest development in foot powder. I can't stand it. Yeah it sounds great when they tell you the guest list includes Joe Montana, John Elway and Jim McMahon. Then the light goes on and you realize why you haven't heard from these guys in 365 days. Please for the love of God make it stop.

4. NFL Hall of Fame - So let me get this straight, the best center of his generation isn't a Hall of Famer. Neither is an 11 time Pro Bowler and 9 time All Pro tackle who was selected to the All Decade team for both the 1990's and the 2000's. I've got huge issues with maximum limits on inductees per year as well as lumping contributors and players together in the same pool. Cris Carter being passed over just makes the voters look foolish but if Dermontti Dawson and Willie Roaf aren't Hall of Famers then I no longer no what a Hall of Famer looks like. Get your shit together voters.

5. Super Bowl Sunday Me - Sunday's game was the last football game of my gambling hiatus. So since I had no dog in the fight and no number to root for Sunday was 100% about gluttony. I kicked off my day with my usual Sunday morning trip to Harris County Smokehouse for a couple pancakes. That was followed up with a bowl of queso for lunch, a burger and homemade fries for dinner and I celebrated the 4th quarter with another bowl of queso. Along the way, I had the more than occasional cookie and peanut butter M&M. By midnight I was laying in bed feeling like John Hurt in Alien. I was praying to God that the sharp toothed bastard residing in my gut would just eat his way out and put me out of my misery. That vengeful son of a bitch never did escape so I spent most of the night tossing and turning. As if turned out fate wasn't done with me. I needed a new pair of jeans so I headed out to accomplish something today. Never again will I put myself through the torture of trying on pants the day after the Super Bowl. I ended up leaving without a new pair of jeans not because I couldn't find a pair that fit but because I never got comfortable with how big the number by the W on the tag was. Maybe I'll head out tomorrow to try again or maybe I'll just finally make that muumuu transition I've been staring in the face.

Glee - "The Sue Sylvester Shuffle" Review

“You’re so afraid of getting called geeks, or losers, or gay, that you settle for being nothing.” -Puck

Glee is trying to ruin me. How is it possible for me to love and hate a show much? The show defies coherent story telling, but yet is somehow strangely engrossing. Why? How can this be? I’m not even sure if the show is self aware any more the way The OC was when it was on. Glee has several things working in it’s favor, and several things it needs to fix if it’s going to become a great show in my eyes.

Glee has heart. This can’t be denied. I applaud the show for sticking up for homosexuals and the bullying they receive. This is a rampant problem in high schools today and the show brings great awareness to that. The line about bullying being born out of ignorance is all too true. I applaud the show for it’s devotion to the fact that the arts needs to be supported. Theatre, dance, and music training and education in schools provides so many skills for a students success. The issues Glee is tackling are extremely important, but I feel it’s getting lost in the production.

Glee is splitting it’s focus entirely too much. There’s no way Karofsky(who did a mighty quick costume change after losing the Super Bowl to be on the show...still don’t get it...he looks like Ben Rothlisberger) should be getting more screen time than Kurt. The wirters are going to need to figure out a way to get Kurt back to McKinley. I do not think the show is as successful with him at the other school. It makes for sloppy transitions and silly reasons for members of both teams to get together. Is the show about high school issues, or is it about a Glee club trying to win Nationals. I know it can do both, but right now I think it’s failing.

The Sue Sylvester story line was wildly thrown together. Sue’s character works better when she’s operating as a regular individual who is evil, not a devilish cartoon character of herself. Sue would immediately be fired, and sued. Her story lines are played out. Sue hates the Glee club. Sue tries to sabotage the Glee club. Sue is unsuccessful. We are going to need her to do something important or else she will become useless in the plot. This is a huge problem, because the show can’t get rid of one its best stars and perennial award winner. Thus it will the water down the narrative. Though I was especially happy to hear a Dallas Cowboy burn on Glee. In case you missed it, Sue won “Loser of the Year” beating out a fairly funny list that included the Cowboys. Nice.

However, sadly, that was about the only thing the writers got right about football on this show. My suspension of disbelief only goes so far. I forgive the fact that we never see the Glee club rehearse and yet they deliver perfect musical numbers. I forgive the fact that Sue has assembled the most talented group of cheerleaders any squad has ever seen, but what happened in the football game was atrocious and was actually distracting. 5 guys and 4 girls, all in Glee club, lined up to play the championship game and were only down 17 at the half. Mind you, this is a championship game that you could lose the game before and still play in. Then there was the ridiculous play to end the game where the zombie football players started saying, “Brains” so much that it distracted the QB and he couldn’t handle the snap (THAT HE WAS TAKING FROM SHOTGUN?!!?!) to ice the game and McKinley picks it up and wins the game and all is happy, right?

Wrong. The football team and glee club still appear to be on the rocks. This plot point actually made me happy because it would be ridiculous to assume to that years of hate and bullying could be solved by one song and dance. So at least that felt genuine. Maybe Glee was trying to take advantage of being aired right after the Super Bowl and decided to go with a football heavy episode. Let’s hope this is never the case again.

The music in this episode was just ok. I’m always happy when it’s not a themed episode or one where it’s just one artist because I think the show works best when the songs advance the story. The first song “Need You Now” was a perfect example of that. However, “Bills Bills Bills” sung by The Warblers was a scramble to just get another song in that had Kurt in it. And it was glaring that the writers needed to remind us that there was a regional competition still at stake. I bet that since it aired directly after the Super Bowl there was a lot of first time viewers. Sadly after that episode, I don’t think a lot of them will be sticking around.

Other Thoughts:

-When did the football team get good?
-Chord Overstreet needs to get his roots in check.
-When Coach Bieste was telling Will Schuster how much winning means for a city and how it changes everything all I kept thinking about was Green Bay winning the Super Bowl. Well timed.
-The show needs to bring back Emma! The Will and Emma love story is one everybody enjoys!
-Interested to see the dynamic of Quinn still being in love with Finn. Those teens have been awfully forgiving up to this point. I don’t know if certain friendships could survive more betrayal.

Brittany line of the night: “I don’t want to die yet. At least not until One Tree Hill gets canceled.”

Kurt line of the night: ““Blaine and I love football. Well, Blaine loves football. I loves scarves.”

What are your thoughts?