ApeDonkey Power Rankings 10/11/10

Top Five

1. The purity of justice in a karmic world - On a day in which the Longhorns were idle, I can't think of anything better than seeing Nick Saban, Urban Meyer and Lane Kiffin getting beat within a few hours of one another. Maybe next year Lipless Stoops will be able to join the blanket party and take a beating of his own.

2. Antonio Gates - Gates is a one man fantasy football wrecking crew. I've been playing FF for nearly 20 years now and for many seasons I had a strict "no tight end" policy in leagues where one wasn't required. The NFL is a much more pass heavy league now than when I started playing in fantasy leagues, so I've had to adjust my thinking. This year I grabbed Gates in several leagues and have been reaping the rewards. 29-478-7 very impressive stat line.

3. The train wreck that is the Cowboys season - Maybe you have the great full life and you don't have to wallow in the misery of others but I do. The Cowboys are one loss away from complete nuclear meltdown and I'm loving it. Romo is proving once again why he was an undrafted free agent while getting paid elite QB money. Wade Phillips still isn't sure whether he or Jason Garrett is the real head coach and Jerry Jones can't cry about all this or is face will slide off his head. What a glorious time.

4. Rubicon - If you haven't seen this week's episode, STOP SPOILERS AHEAD. Spangler is a very evil man and I kind of love him. His wicked little smile when he had the top government officials waiting on the phone for him was priceless. I was very afraid we had seen the end of Kale when he was on the phone with Will. His conversation with Spangler just before was very eerie and seemed like a goodbye. Will is a very smart man but too distracted to put it all together in time. He needs to follow Kale's lead when Kale tells him "I don't trust anyone." I've very interested to find out where the final episode goes now that Qateb has struck. This season has been an A+ so far. I think I can safely say it will make my best of list at the end of the year.

5. Old 97's - They have a new CD coming out tomorrow "The Grand Theatre Volume One" and then will be playing the Continental Club on Thursday. I've seen these guys live countless times and they always give you your money's worth. I'm going to try to make it out on Thursday and I highly recommend you do the same.



Bottom Five

1. Texans secondary - I'd like Rick Smith or Gary Kubiak to give the fans a really good explanation of how having Dunta Robinson in an uncapped year would have made this defense worse. If you though Kareem Jackson was the best CB on the board when you picked, I have no problem with the pick. That's why you have a scouting organization and they know more than I'll ever know about playing CB but letting a solid starter like Robinson walk because of money or because he hurt the GM's feelings is just stupid and an insult to the fans. No he's not elite or even a shutdown corner but he is a solid NFL starter and the guys you're running out there right now are not. This season is balancing on the edge of a razor right now and could be a complete disaster three weeks from now if things go bad. I hope Kubes and Frank Bush have some answers. Luckily, even a complete Texans collapse won't diminish the joy I'll get from a Cowboys disaster.

2. Dish Network - I'm not a Dish Network subscriber and thank God. If I lost FX in the middle of the SOA, Sunny, Terriers and The League season, I'd probably go on a DC sniper type spree. U-Verse, you've been warned. Dish has always seemed like a second rate service to me so I can't say I'm completely surprised. Hopefully, any FX fans have already made the switch to U-Verse or DirectTV. Stay away from cable though. They're a bunch of soulless bastards who will one day burn in hell with their Blockbuster brethren.

3. Attention to details on Dexter - This has not been the strongest season of Dexter so far but in fairness, they had giant footsteps to fill following last season. I'm hopeful the story arc will pick up now that Dexter is back to killing folks. However, what has really bothered me has been the details so far. Maybe I'm only noticing these things because the story line hasn't been all that engaging but stuff like Dexter's laptop having no security really bugged the shit out of me. This week Deb walks out of the room and Dex just open his computer with pictures of dead girls in barrels on the desktop along with a picture of his next victim. Perhaps this is meant to show how effed Dexter has been since the death of Rita but I don't think so. I know others noticed how ridiculously easy it was for Dexter to get detailed information on Boyd. I just need you to clean that stuff up a bit and get back to what you do best. Making us feel OK about rooting for a serial killer.

4. Pearland - You have a great Little League team. Awesome. The rest of the city would fit nicely in my Eat a D*ck post. My parents, brother and sister all live in Pearland and I've been there enough to know better than to go down Cullen on the weekend because of the endless stream of funerals going on. However, going to funeral doesn't give you the right to be a giant prick. Based on the cars and the way the attendees were dressed I would guess that someone connected to a local gang was being buried. The attendees feeling very entitled decided they would pass on the shoulder, cut other drivers off and weave in and out of on coming traffic. Of course the officers working the funeral traffic had no interest in the safety of the other drivers and enabled this behavior. Combine this with the a-holes at McDonalds who refused to make a break in the line so my kid could go take a piss and I could care less if the whole place fell in to the gulf. Oh and Pearland waiters, you can go F*ck yourselves as well.

5. FSU v. Miami - Remember when this was a big game? Yeah no one playing in it can either. I think the oldest person on the roster was about 3 the last time it had any significance. I'd like to personally thank the genius who decided we should get this POS instead of the USC/Stanford game featuring Houston's own Andrew Luck. I ended up watching Les Miles pull another rabbit out of his ass instead. Just remember TCU v. SMU used to be a big deal too back when Slinging Sammy and Doak Walker roamed the gridiron. No amount of Eric Winston tweets will make this turd interesting again until they stop playing their crappy ACC brand of football.