Television at the All Star Break

All Stars

Terriers - Terriers is an example of why I love and hate television. It was my favorite show of the 2010 fall season. Excellently cast, written and directed. Donal Logue brought the right balance of dry sarcasm and recovering burn out to the role of Hank Dolworth. Even though I couldn't stand Michael Raymond-James during his run as Rene on True Blood, I thought he was excellent as Hank's partner Britt on Terriers. The writers did a great job creating an updated version of Chinatown without obviously ripping off the Jack Nicholson classic.  Of course, since this was my favorite show of the season FX saw fit to cancel it a week after the season finale. Thanks.

The League & It's always sunny in Philadelphia - Both of these shows started the season slowly with lackluster premieres. Sunny continued a slow run as it wound down the Dennis get married arc but by mid season the shows were producing the funniest hour on television. Taco and Rafi were the the break out stars of the season going away. Taco treated us to modern classics like My Naginata, I'm inside of me and Ghost Monkey. The League added the fear boner, the murder boner and white knuckler to our lexicon this year.  Sunny focused outside the bar this season as we got to see the gang buy a boat, Charlie become a school janitor and Sweet Dee teach a high school Drama class. Mr. Shue could learn a thing or two from her. The highlight of Sunny's season was the premier of the gangs version of Lethal Weapon 5 if you haven't seen it, you need to fix that. Mac's turn as Sgt. Murtaugh is worth the price of admission.


Community - The writers finally figured out what to do with Britta and the show was all the better for it. I could have done without the Betty White cameo but Professor Chang's continued mission of becoming a part of the study group has delivered terrific comedic moments. If there is one thing Community does better than any other show, it's a theme episode. Starting with last season's Modern Warfare episode Community has produced a handful of well crafted clever theme episodes spoofing zombie movies, conspiracy theories and animated Christmas specials.

OK Maybe I have a thing for Lexie

Grey's Anatomy - Yeah, I'm shocked too but this has been the best Grey's season in years. Seems as though the loose gunman in last season's finale opened a wealth of potential character story lines. Dr. Webber is back in his rightful position of Chief. The story lines based around the love lives of the doctors is far less soap opera like since writing off both Izzy and George. The show has been able to get back to the core cast of doctors struggling with the decisions of a demanding career.

30 for 30 - I didn't watch all the 30 for 30 episodes just the ones who's subject interested me. In no particular order my favorite episodes were Run Ricky Run, Pony Excess, Who Killed the USFL?, The U, The Two Escobars, Into the Wind and The Best That Never Was.

Good but not Great

Sons of Anarchy - The season was very uneven and even silly at times. The whole Belfast saga bordered on ridiculous but a great season finale made up of a lot of the disappointments and set things up nicely for next season.


Walking Dead - WD had a great season premier but it's shortened six episode season failed to deliver. The show focused on too many characters we don't care about and really let everyone down with a dud of a finale. Hopefully, a longer run and nearly a year to develop will produce a better season next year.

Modern Family - Season 2 has been a small step back for Modern Family. More Phil and Cameron and less Haley and Alex will go a long way to fixing that.

Todd Margaret- Running Wilde was supposed to be 2010's hit sitcom starring Will Arnett and David Cross but that show has already been canceled. However, over on IFC there is a much better comedy starring David Cross and Will Arnett called The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret. Since it's on IFC and not under the constraints of network television, David Cross is free to let go and do David Cross things.

30 Rock - Another good but not spectacular season from 30 Rock. Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan have basically carried this show for a while now. They need to return to featuring the writers like Judah Friedlander more and less Kenneth. I have to wonder what effect Tracy Morgan's kidney transplant will have on the show but if that means more Jenna then 30 Rock could quickly slide off the DVR roster. This season's Reaganing is one of my all time favorites.

Rubicon - Rubicon's season was the complete opposite of Sons of Anarchy. Rubicon had a great season exposing a little bit more of the mystery and conspiracy with every episode. The story evolved at a measured pace but fans of the show expected this. Then they crapped the bed with a hurried, disorganized finale. Ultimately, the bad finale didn't matter since AMC canceled the show after just one season. I would like the creators get another shot to entertain us though.

Mad Men - Weird season for Don Draper and we all know Mad Men goes as Don Draper goes. I think this will turn out to be just transition season as we saw Peggy and Pete step into more important roles with the firm. The most intriguing item from this past season was Sterling's Gold.

Boardwalk Empire -  I think I'm more excited for next season than I was happy with this first season. Michael Pitt delivered gold as Jimmy and Stephen Graham was magnificent as Al Capone. Eli, Jimmy and the Commodore plotting Nucky's downfall has me excited about next season but I think I'd be much more excited to learn of a spin off based on Al Capone and the Chicago crew. Make it happen. BTW I think I finally figured out what it is about Lucy that has always bothered me.

Top Chef- The fact that I had to look up who won this last season should tell you all you need to know about last season. Angelo, Tiffany and Ed provided some nice moments but DC was a failure as a location and Eric Rippert was a dud as a regular judge. The All Stars season has already been better than last season even though I haven't agreed with the judges more often than not.

Down Season

Dexter - Oh how you let me down this season Dex. You took up with a terribly uninteresting woman in Lumen. You and Quinn have struck a very strange truce and for whatever reason you let the most heinous killer on the show, Batista and LaGuerta's relationship continue to ruin our lives. The writers turned the most interesting story line, the

Weeds - I have no idea why I haven't cut this show yet. Andy, Doug and Silas are basically the only reasons I keep coming back. Nancy got to whore it up with Zack Morris for a couple of episodes and the traveling evangelical pot show was fun while it lasted but this show has the focus of a High Times staff meeting.

Survivor - Once they voted off Jimmy Johnson and the guy who looked like Moose Johnston the season was exceptionally boring. The positive was I able to watch entire episodes in less than 20 minutes. More conniving, back stabbing players always makes for a more interesting season. Let's try to get it right next time.

Big Bang Theory - The joke has worn thin. We get it. Smart guys living across the hall from hot girl. Sheldon is difficult to live with. Leonard is romantically tortured and they're all big dorks. The addition of Blossom as the female version of Sheldon hasn't added much to the equation. It may be time to wrap this one up.

The Office - I guess we shouldn't call it a down season once it becomes a trend. The Office has been slipping for years and so far this season if appears Michael Scott is going to go out with a whimper. The first half of the season has produced three good episodes. I think most hardcore Office fans wish the producers had decided to end the shows run at the end this season with the departure of Michael. At least we did get to vicariously exercise some of our anger towards Jim's character through Dwight's snowball demolishing of his manhood.

East Bound & Down - The season in Mexico failed on many levels. Mostly it failed by trying to tell the same joke over and over. Don Johnson's stint at Kenny's dad was unnecessary and not particularly funny. They took way to long to get the highlight of the season, Stevie down to Mexico. I'm interested to see if there's anywhere they can take Kenny that will keep us entertained with new comedic situations.

Project Runway - Generally boring cast + unexplained bad judging = bad season.



Cut from the DVR roster

The Big C - This show proved that it takes more than Oliver Platt to keep me interested in a show. Laura Linney was able to create the most unlikeable cancer patient in the history of television. Even Kevin Garnett would agree with me on that.

Glee - Wow. You guys were able to take a fun, interesting show and turn it into a terrible weekly hatefest in record time. Last season, the Glee kids were worth rooting for as the school underdogs. This season I wanted to see them all drown in a giant Slurpee. Want a lesson on doing theme shows? See Community.

No Ordinary Family - Never really got off the ground for me. I hated the kids and wanted more Conrad and Vick Mackey from Romany Malco and Michael Chiklis. I'm not sure crime fighting super heroes can successfully work as a family show. Super heroes inherently require dark sides to balance their powers.

S#*! My Dad Says - The opening credits rolled and the show immediately went from 0 to terrible. I lasted one episode and just barely. A sitcom without a single funny moment might not work.

How I Met Your Mother - Much like Big Bang Theory, HIMYM seems to have run it's course. Get to the part where you meet their mother already. We get it. You have a womanizing friend who wears suits and is played by Doogie Howser. You're friends with a kookie married couple and a struggling news anchor and you really like architecture. Now how did you meet these never aging super patient kid's mother?

More Lenore please

The United States of Tara - Maybe I just hate female lead characters or maybe Tara's multiple personalities wore on me almost as much as her ultra liberal hip family. Do television writers have kids? Based on the kids in these shows I would say no, terrible, terrible characters.

Nurse Jackie -I've been re-watching The Sopranos lately and I find that I have to fast forward through all Melfi and most Carmella scenes because I can't stand Edie Falco's voice and face. A hatred for some one's voice and face make it very difficult to enjoy a show centered on that person.

Hung - It's gonna take a lot more full frontal scenes of Lenore and far fewer scenes of Tanya and Ray's kids to get me to watch again.

ApeDonkey Power Rankings 11/15/10

Top 5

1. Manny Pacquiao - I don't know if he's the baddest man on the planet but he's damn sure the best pound for pound boxer. I can't remember another fight with such a disparity in size. Margarito towered over Pacman and out weighed him by at least 20lbs and Manny just surgically dismantled him. How bad was it? Margarito is on the short list of worst people in sports and people watching the fight were essentially begging the referee to stop it. Like the other four boxing fans, I'd love to see Manny get a shot at Floyd Mayweather but He'd made it pretty clear he doesn't want any real opponents.

2. Dexter - I've been slow to warm to this season of Dexter but I have to admit I'm really enjoying the budding relationship between Lumen and Dexter. I am bothered by how many people have now known what Dexter does in his spare time and he's never been in any real danger of being exposed. Those worries are far less a concern than getting rid of any story line involving La Guerta. Thankfully, I DVR the show and can FF through most of her scenes.

3. Lethal Weapon 5 - Sunny killed from start to finish this week. Lethal Weapon 5? Yes please. I pray there is a longer form of this included with the Blu Ray version of this season. Has there ever been another show in which a Jugalo, a man in black face, soft core porn, a high school field trip and Dave Nelson of WNYX have all come together in one beautiful story. I think not.

4. The Ol' Ball Coach - Congrats to Steve Spurrier. It took several years but it looks like he's finally earning that membership to Augusta National he reportedly got when he agreed to coach South Carolina. College football is better when Spurrier is winning. No body is more arrogant and funny at the same time than Spurrier as king of the mountain. I'm sure beating Florida and that smarmy slime bag Urban Meyer to clinch the SEC east probably tasted pretty good too. An SEC Championship game featuring the two best players in the conference, Lattimore and Newton, should be great. Too bad Chizik has no chance of measuring up to the ol' ball coach.

5. 30 for 30 - I finally got around to watching the 30 for 30 documentary on Marcus Dupree. It was another excellent doc. The best parts of the film were the interviews with Fred Akers, Barry Switzer, Tommy Reaux and Luscious Selmon. It's was sad to see how he was used by Maverick Carter, uh I mean Ken Fairley. Then again anyone who follows the advice of Billy Sims instead of Earl Campbell is kind of asking for bad shit to happen to them anyway.

Bottom 5

1. Football - This I was witness to a personal football apocalyptic superfecta. That would be the Losses by the Longhorns and Texans combined with victories by OU, A&M and Dallas. I'm starting to think the football gods are punishing me for taking this season off from gambling. My goal was to see if my enjoyment diminished when I didn't have money riding on games. In fact, I find it much easier to get engrossed in one game without worrying about what is going on in every other game on the slate. I fully expect to be back to my degenerate ways next season but so far this year it's been nice to just sit back and take a deep breath.

2. Poorly timed epidemics - This past Saturday was my 20 year high school reunion. Wow that reminds me, when I was 20 and my boss was going to his 20 year reunion and all I could think was "this dude is old." Anyway, We had plans to take the kids to the BBQ during the day then drop them off with my parents so we could go to the dinner party that evening. However, fate had another plan. On Thursday Denise came down with a sinus infection, both kids already had colds and then Friday night I was hit with a stomach bug. You know the kind, you're up all night spending a lot of intimate time with your best friend Johnny. My stomach bug lasted well into the next day so I wasn't nearly brave enough to travel, let alone with kids. So, I missed the reunion and a chance to catch up with a bunch of folks I've known since preK but haven't seen in a decade. Thanks to Facebook, it looks like everyone had a great time and I can definitively say I am aging much better than the rest of my classmates. Here's to the 40th reunion when I still look 35 and you all look like Al Davis.

3. Guys in pajama pants - A few years ago I noticed more and more teenage girls wearing pajama pants out in public. I gave this little attention because I assume all teenagers are stupid and these girls probably just didn't realize they hadn't changed clothes yet. Then grown women started to follow suit. Again, I let this slide because women are generally soft and sometimes make me feel special and funny. On Sunday, we went for our traditional weekend breakfast at Harris County Smokehouse (best buttermilk pancakes in Houston) and I see a man in his 30's wearing a t-shirt, flip-flops and pajama pants. My first thought was to figure out the odds of the cops at the next table arresting me if I threw the pot of hot gravy on this guy. I figured 50/50 at best but considering my issues from the previous day I didn't want to spend any time in a dirty jail cell. Even though I had to let this guy walk after committing this atrocity, I want to make it abundantly clear this is never acceptable. I have a long recorded record of my hatred for guys wearing flip flops but to add the pajama pants makes me assume you are either mentally challenged or you want to be hit by a car. I'm all for comfort but keep it classy guys. No body wants to catch an unfortunate encounter with you and a loose piss flap.

4. Restaurants with smoking sections - One of Audrey's classmates had a birthday party on Friday night out in Katy. The party was girls only so we had a few hours to kill before we picked her up. Driving 45 minutes home seemed pointless so we decided to grab a bite to eat in Katy. Since I failed to get a recommendation from a local I decided to support my favorite radio station, 1560 The Game, by eating at one of their sponsors. We settled on Wild Wing Cafe since neither of us had been there before. I can confidently say I won't be going back. The food was your typical fried fare, neither terrible nor spectacular. The problem though was that as soon as you walked through the door you were overwhelmed by smoke. I thought we had settled this long ago. If you have a smoking and non smoking section, what you really have is a smoking and a slightly less smokey area. Thankfully, I noticed just a few people on the patio and none of them smoking. About 15 minutes into our meal a group of guys all dressed like Quin from Dexter sat down at the table next to us and proceeded to chain smoke. I have both a wife and daughter who suffer with asthma as well as 19 month old toddler, so my tolerance for smoking is somewhere between stealing from the elderly and strangling puppies. If I'd known they were a smoking establishment, I never would have gone there in the first place but as anyone with kids will tell you, once the kids are out of the car you've made your decision.

5. Antonio Margarito's Eye - As I previously stated, Margarito is a bad guy. I was glad to see him get pummeled Saturday night. Hell, I would have been fine with a mid fight rule change to extend the beating to 15 rounds. He deserves every bit of that ass whooping but for those who didn't see it, take a look at that eye. The slab of meat they glued to Rocky's face at the end of Rocky I didn't look that gnarly. Manny pounded that eye round after round and Margarito was too slow and too blind to do anything about it.

ApeDonkey Power Rankings 11/1/10

Top 5

1. Halloween - I hate Halloween. I'm not a fan of strangers knocking on my door. I loathe the grown idiots who think it's either ironic or cool to still trick or treat. I don't support our national day of taking our kids out to work on their pan handling skills. However, I do love the costumes my wife comes up with. Except for the year she was pregnant with Cash, she always makes the kid's costumes and this year was no different. Last year the kids went as the Hiphopopotamus and Rhymenoceros but there just weren't enough Flight of the Conchords fans in our neighborhood to get it. This year Audrey went as the Tooth Fairy and Cash was her Quarter. They looked great and had a lot of fun but I still don't like the day.
 

2. Peter Pan - I took Audrey to see Peter Pan at the Alley on Saturday. It was an excellent production and I think they won over a new theater fan in Audrey. Big thanks to Barry Stagg (@bcstagg) for the tickets and back stage tour. Audrey was a little anxious to leave during the first act but once I let he know we weren't leaving, she settled in and loved it. She spent the rest of the day telling her mom everything about the play and especially about getting to meet the actor that played Peter.

3. Thursday Night TV - This past Thursday was the best day of television so far this season. The League and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia have been killing it for five weeks now. The Office finally produced an episode that reminded us why we continue to watch every week. Even Grey's Anatomy has been pretty good this season. I'm just eagerly waiting the penultimate Christina and Meredith murder/suicide episode we all so desperately want.

4. Walking Dead - Great, Great premiere episode. There's only six episodes in season one so get on this while it's still fresh.

5. Election Day - I hope everyone eligible got out and exercised their right to vote. I don't know how this is going to go and I'm neither a Democrat nor Republican but I'm all for anything that means I don't have to see Nancy Pelosi's disgusting face on my television.


Bottom 5

1. Longhorn Football - I would ask "what was that?" but unfortunately I know what that was. That was a Greg Davis special. The Longhorn offense has been pathetic all season but they keep finding ways to knock out the barrel's false bottom and find a new low. Of course, the past few games have been complete team meltdowns including muffed punts, missed tackles, dropped passes and overall poor game planning. I've never been a "Fire Greg Davis" guy up until this year but it is becoming painfully obvious a change is desperately needed. Then again I was Chris Simms over Major Applewhite guy so what the hell do I know. This is the last time the Horns will be in the power rankings. You can't be a failure or disappointment if there is no expectation of success.

2. My Netflix account - I need to apologize to my netflix account. I've had the same movies at home for six weeks now. I may consider canceling my account at the start of the football/fall tv seasons next year.

3. Youth soccer coaches - This is my daughter's second season playing soccer and we've been pretty lucky as far as coaches go. Her coaches so far have been very nice upbeat people that truly care about the kids having fun. Unfortunately, not all the coaches are like this. This week they played a team coached by That Guy. You know the guy. Under Armour pants, hat turned backwards, John Kreese type. He never actually said it but he came awfully close to screaming "finish him" at one point. Before the game he was out there bragging to the coach of our team how he had "one of those Indian kids and he can turn the ball real well. And I have two Spanish kids. They're my powerhouses." Nice dip shit. This is freaking FFPS. They don't even keep score and the kids are six. I'm sure there's a Dynamo call in show that's had a call or forty from this guy offering his "experienced coaching" advice to the Dynamo staff.

4. Gary Kubiak - You had two weeks and that's what you came up with? You decided the best way to attack a team with two of the best pass rushers in the league was to drop back snap after snap. I'm not a coach. Hell, I haven't even played football since junior high but I do know that strategy reeked of stupidity. You have the best receiver in the league and one of the best running games so of course you decide to eliminate them from the game. Go look at the schedule the rest of the way. This is an 8-8 team.

5. The World Series - I can not remember a World Series with less buzz that this one had. They played 45 innings and I think I watched 8 of them. I like baseball. I don't love baseball like I do football but I do enjoy watching the game. The FOX broadcast, extended commercial breaks and overall presentation has rendered the product unwatchable for me.

ApeDonkey Power Rankings 10/18/10

Top 5

1. FX - This past week's Sons of Anarchy not withstanding, no one has been on a hotter streak than FX. SOA, Terriers, Sunny and The League have all been hitting it on the screws for a solid month now. Donal Logue is one of those actors I've always liked but wished he was on better show (The Knights of Prosperity the lone exception) and it appears he's finally found it with Terriers. Following a slow two week start, both Sunny and The League are in mid season form as the funniest shows on TV. SOA is well SOA. They came out of the gate blasting and have kept it going all season. If you're not up on original FX programming then you hate entertainment.

2. Death to the BCS - If you're a college football fan or just someone who hates fat cat corruption, I can't recommend this book more. The authors Dan Wetzel, Josh Peter and Jeff Passan expose the BCS for the self serving, corrupt and borderline illegal cartel it is. The hypocrisy and obvious double talk coming from the BCS is astounding. Read this book and you'll find yourself pissed every time a new college football poll comes out.

3. Sunday Night Television - While Boardwalk Empire and Dexter continue to do their thing, Mad Men and Rubicon both wrapped up their seasons this week. Mad Men once again delivered as the best drama on television. It was a strange transition season for Don Draper. Of course he continued to plow through women like Rex Ryan through a family size bag of M&Ms but we also got to see him become more introspective and looking for more than just the next great line or lay. Peggy finally shed the little girl in a man's world act and really came into her own. By mid season she was clearly Drapers right hand and second in command of the creative department.

Rubicon had a solid if not spectacular rookie season. As long as you had the patience to let things develop, you were paid off by the writing and acting by season's end. The finale moved at a pace inconsistent with the rest of the season and was sorely lacking in Kale. The whole episode seemed to speed along trying to tie loose ends just in case they don't get a second season. I have no idea if AMC is going to bring it back but I'm all in if they do.

4. MLB Playoffs - Slow down before you start pumping your fist and waxing poetic about the beauty and pageantry of the baseball playoffs, I've watched maybe three innings total. I mean come on it's football season. I'm just so happy that since the MLB playoffs are here Joe Buck won't be fucking up any football games for 3 weeks or so. There are only two types of people who enjoy Joe Buck. People who watch a game with a score book on their lap and people who hate football.

5. Travis Rodgers Now - Travis has been on the air for a couple months now and is easily the best mid day show in the Houston market. It will take you about five minutes to realize where the best parts of the Jim Rome Show came from. Here's a hint, you can hear him from1-3 on 1560am. The truth is 1560 now has the three best sports radio shows on the air. The one anomaly is between 10-1 when some guy name Rogers Hampton laughs for three straight hours at some Rush Limbaugh impersonator. Back to Travis, unless you're one of those strange people who have a job during the day and can't listen to the radio, Travis Rodgers Now is better than anything else on the radio or television at that time. Believe me, I know.

Bottom 5

1. :01 - Maybe Nebraska should have worried less about the :01 of last year's game and more about the 60:00 of this season's. Bo Pelini had his cry baby act in full effect on Saturday so Will Muschamp and the Texas defense gave him plenty to cry about. And yes an Omaha steak taste much better when seasoned with the salty tears of a Pelini brother. The UT defense completely shut down "Heisman candidate" Taylor Martinez, to the point he was pulled from the game in the second half. Yeah, the Nebraska hopes and dreams were dashed Saturday but at least they have classy fans. You know, the classy fans that booed when Curtis Brown went down with an injury. Is Lincoln a popular retirement destination for Philly residents?

2. Women - This was a bad week for women and sports. Florida Gators head coach Urban Meyer allowed Chris "Time to Die" Rainy to rejoin the team. Coincidentally, the Gators were in the midst of a two game (now three) losing streak. Baylor's basketball coach Scott Drew has decided that punching women and breaking their jaw is no longer an egregious enough offense to keep LaceDarius Dunn off the team. Finally, The original fifteen second man Rick Pitino has decided that being 6'10" is penance enough for punching the mother of your one year old son and fracturing her spine. Wake Forest transfer Tony Woods is looking to join Louisville. Way to set an example you makers of men.

3. Texans defense - Terrible. They can't cover. They no longer can stop the run. I've got an idea. How about Bob McNair take a break from trying to break the players union. Rick Smith take a break from looking slick and trying to win every negotiation and Gary Kubiak take a break from hiring defensive coordinators without interviewing candidates and calling grown men kids. How about these guys get together and figure out how to fix this defense. Look, I know it's outside the box to make trades during the season, but aren't you doing your franchise and your fans a disservice if you don't at least call the crypt keeper to see how many souls Nnamdi Asomugha or Richard Seymour will cost. A baby soul like Amobi's has to fetch a decent price doesn't it?

4. Steve Tasker - Tasker is completely over matched being paired with Gus Johnson. In fact, Tasker is completely over matched being asked to offer analysis on football. Once you've caught his act it becomes perfectly clear that he was a special teams guy mainly because grasping an offense was well beyond his mental capacity.

5. Me - Last week I moved Nebraska up to #2. Down they go. I put Antonio Gates in the power rankings top 5. Down he goes. I put Rubicon in the power rankings top 5. Disappointing finale. Old 97's make the power rankings top 5. I can't get a ticket to the sold out show. I also lost 6 of 7 fantasy football games, stubbed my toe in the bath and had a large section of fence torn down by one of my dogs. This week's gotta be better.