Spreading Christmas Cheer ApeDonkey Style

I want to do my part and put everyone in the Christmas spirit before that cookie stealing fat fucker shows up tomorrow. Here's a few nuggets I've been thinking about today.

• Is there a law I'm unaware of which requires you to dress your son in a sweater vest in order to have his picture made? I swear every Christmas card I've received this year with a boy aged 2-10 years old had him all spiffed up in a sweater vest. I blame this on Friends and every woman's secret desire to be with Chandler Bing. There's no other explanation.
• If I put a tee pee up in my yard during the months of April and May, the home owners association would crawl up my ass and start laying eggs. Yet, it's perfectly acceptable for my neighbor to have a giant artificial Christmas tree and a 12 foot Santa Claus taking up residence in his yard for 2 months a year.
• Bad Santa is the finest Christmas movie ever made. Period.
• I believe Santa was created so that parents wouldn't have to take the heat when their kids didn't like their gifts. 
• Santa praying over the baby Jesus is still the creepiest yard ornament I've ever seen. And it was in my mom's yard. 
• I've never seen Miracle on 34th Street and at this age I don't see the point.
• Lowes is the most pleasant place on Earth on Christmas Eve.
• My wife got her Christmas freak out out of the way early today, so at least I don't have to worry about that now.
• Any parking lot is the worst place to be during the Christmas Season.
• My one year old hates Santa's face.
• Wholesale baking should not be relegated to Christmas. I'm fat and I love cookies.

Merry Christmas. Be back Monday.