Are you ready for some TV? pt. 3

On average, I lend about 95 minutes of my television watching attention to FOX per week. That's an hour of Glee, 33 minutes to watch the actual American Idol performances, fast forwarding through Ryan Seacrest and all judges comments and 2 minutes for the AI results show.

By all accounts, there are some pretty good shows on FOX; House, Lie to Me, Fringe. I've just never been interested enough to give them a shot. Not even the network stalwarts like The Simpsons or Family Guy have been able catch my eye. In the twenty or so years The Simpsons has been on the air,  I've only ever watched one full episode. I don't know what it's called but it involves pirates and a monkey named Furious George. Strangely, I've seen this same episode about five times. I never needed to check out Family Guy because when I worked at HP every fourth person there could and would quote entire episodes whether you wanted them to or not.


Let's see if Fox has anything worth me upping my viewing time to at least 2 hours a week.


Fall Roster

American Idol - ? - This isn't a fall show but it will make my viewing rotation when it comes back in January. I don't start watching until they get to Hollywood. I love a good train wreck but only when it's real. The audition rounds are just a bunch of goofs trying to get famous by being bad. No thanks.


Veterans trying to avoid being cut


Glee - Tue 7c - Glee was a lot like the Houston Texans last year. A great half followed by a terrible half. It came out of the gate dominating. It even looked like the show would run away with best new show of the season. The characters were good the songs were great and Sue Sylvester, was well, Sue. Then the holiday halftime came and it all fell apart. I guess once the show became a hit labels behind music artists became interested in getting their music featured on the show. The show started with the theme episodes, special guests and terrible musical numbers including Quinn's pregnant dance fiasco. The two special guests were the exception. Kristen Chenoweth and Neil Patrick Harris were both outstanding adding depth to Will's back story instead of being a distraction like the other guest stars. The story lines they had created and cultivated the first half of the season were derailed and the new story lines lacked the authenticity of the originals.  Even though Glee stumbled in the second half, it closed strong with an excellent finale.  I have high hopes for Glee this season but if the rumors of Britney and Justin Bieber episodes turn out to be true, I may be gone before Thanksgiving.

Rookies trying to make it
 
Lonestar - Mon 8c - I'm seriously considering suing the producers of this show for using my life's story without my consent. Lonestar revolves around a guy living in Houston married to a wealthy oil man's daughter, who leads a double life in Midland with a girlfriend and cons people out of their life savings. Now if that isn't me what is? If the premise isn't enough to get you to watch then maybe this will Adrianne Palicki. 

Running Wilde - Tue 8:30c - I can only think of two successful 30 minute sitcoms on FOX ever, Married with Children and Arrested Development. And the success of Arrested Development at least ratings wise is debatable. However, I can't resist Will Arnett. Whether he's playing Gob or Devon Banks on 30 Rock, Will Arnett kills. Honestly, I think he'd be the perfect replacement for Steve Carell on  The Office. I'll give it a shot but I'm not holding out hope for it to make a long run.

I love Texas but not HEB

Recently I decided that I wanted my grocery dollars to stay in the state of Texas rather than go to a company based in Ohio like Kroger. With this in mind, I decided to give HEB a chance. Central Market down on Westheimer is a great place to shop and the few times I've been to our new HEB out here in the sticks, they seemed to have excellent selection in the produce and seafood departments. The latter being an important factor to a person on a pretty strict diet plan. The following is the GOOD and BAD of my HEB experience.

The Good

• You won't ever have to worry about finding a cart. There are about 12,000 on hand.
• Produce is the first stop upon entering. Makes sense to me.
• I don't have to use a customer card to get the lowest possible price.
• Everything I've had from their On the Go cafe has been quite good.
• Large selection of seafood and butcher items.
• Very nice cheese selection.

The Bad

•  Off the top of my head, I don't know what I pay for apples at Kroger but $14 for 10 apples seemed a bit out of whack.
• Placing the butcher and seafood counters as the second places in the store is ridiculous. Who wants to pick up their flounder fillet and carry it around in a shopping cart for an hour. Personally, I don't like giving salmonella a head start on me.
• The self weigh & label stations are a fine idea unless only a third of them are operational to speeding up the shopping experience. Plus any decent, well trained checker can ring this stuff up much faster than I can.
• Why can't I buy fresh non packaged chicken in your butcher shop? Do you mean to tell me I can buy some nice veal and a bison steak but can't buy some fresh chicken breast?
• As I made my way past the butcher and in to the main aisles, my first thought was "this place was organized by a drunk chimp." I'm sure he used a scientific customer study in making his decisions but a drunk chimp none the less.
• I'm sure if I needed one, I would appreciate the 15 shopping larks but when I'm stuck in a shopping traffic jam. Not so much.
• Bread in the middle aisle? I blame the chimp.
• So after going up and down each aisle three times I determined that HEB doesn't sell tomato paste or Melba Toast. At this point, I'm not sure whether to blame the chimp again or if this is HEB's way to telling the Brits and Italians to F@#$ Off. 
• My checker Boris was simply a delight. Remember my comment about a decent and well trained checker? He didn't meet either qualification. He was quite adept at playing grab ass with the sacker Brittany though. 
• Ah Brittany, what can I say about Brittany? Not only did she appear to not want to be there sacking groceries, she said it and then proved it. Between rounds of grab ass with Boris, Brittany liked to spend her time opening my bottles of baby shampoo, smelling them and then shoving them in Boris' face so he could smell them too. Once Boris finished ringing me up and our transaction complete, I then got to stand there a full three minutes while Brittany found the will to finish sacking my groceries. 

 The final score, I love Texas and I want to do my part to keep my local economy and that of my state growing and strong. What I don't love is an inefficient, unpleasant shopping experience and that's what I had at HEB. Looks like I'll be putting the Kroger shopping card back in wallet.

Are you ready for some TV? pt. 2

The baddest man on the planet

A decade or so ago, CBS was the preferred network of anyone over the age of 60. They provided such geriatric pleasers as Murder, She Wrote, JAG, Touched by an Angel, Diagnosis Murder and Walker Texas Ranger. Then in 2000, they came out with a little show called CSI. Now with three franchises, CBS is THE network for the amateur forensic scientist and potential murderers. In fact, up until about a year ago, I thought there were five franchises. Then I noticed two of them were something call NCIS. I assume this is CSI for the functioning dyslexic.

In the ten years of the CSI, I have seen exactly one episode. I was having dinner at a date's house, cheese tortellini. She was a fanatic of the show, so we watched. A few hours later I left her house disappointed. I never saw the girl or CSI again.

This was a long way of telling you I'm not watching any CSI, NCIS or any other show like Criminal Minds, The Mentalist or Medium.

Fall Roster

I hope they have beer on the Island

Survivor - Wed 7c - I've watched Survivor since the beginning. I still remember wishing Rudy would win season 1 by cutting the throats of all the other competitors. Such a let down. These days I usually watch it after it's been recorded so I can fast forward through most of the fluff and watch the challenges and tribal councils. This year I may watch a little more of scheming just to see how Jimmy Johnson does. There's also the question of on which day of not bathing and swimming in the ocean will his hair finally start to lose its shape. My hope is that someone who deserves to win does. That's a rarity on this show.


Veterans Trying to avoid being cut

Big Bang Theory - Thur 7c - This is a new day and time for BBT. This show is still one of the better written 30 minute sitcoms but after three full seasons, I think the joke of two scientists living across the hall from a supposedly hot waitress may have run its course. I'll likely give it an episode or two to prove itself but the odds are against it.

How I Met Your Mother - Mon 7c - I'm still a fan of Jason Segel and Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) is good for a laugh or two but I've grown tired of the rest of the cast. If my dad had tried to tell us a story that lasted this long, we would have turned off the DVD and put on MTV after the first episode. During football season MNF rules this time slot so I'm not sure I'll ever find out how Bob Saget met those kids mother.

Rookies Trying to Make it

All the reason you need

Hawaii Five-O - Mon 9c - This show looks to have a lot going for it. By a lot I mean Grace Park as a local surfer who I assume will be running around in a skimpy bikini at some point. Scott Caan and Danial Dae Kim are nice to have on the cast but mostly this trial is about Grace Park.

S#*! My Dad Says - Thur 7:30c - This is based of one of the first great follows I found when I joined Twitter. I'm more than a little skeptical of how it will translate to prime time television though. I would be much more excited about the show, especially with William Shatner on board, if it were on a cable network like FX. Unlike most broadcast networks, they are willing to push the envelope on language and subject manner over there.

As for the rest of the CBS lineup...

I'm not sure what amazes me more. The fact that someone at CBS gave Jim Belushi a show or that they expect anyone to believe he could be a lawyer. Either way, I'm not going to insult your taste by listing the name of the show.

Mike & Molly - A fat, blue collar couple trying to make it through the beginning of their relationship. No thanks, I lived it, I don't need to relive it. And by the way, I'm pretty sure the eight years my ex and I made it is about seven and a half years longer than Mike & Molly will.

Up next FOX or as I like to call it, Joe Buck, Animation and Dead Air....

Weightloss Wednesday - 8/11

This was not a good week for me. I held true to my word and started walking and wouldn't you know it by Monday's weigh in I had gained a pound. In the spirit of full disclosure I will admit that Monday for lunch I went to Barry's Pizza for my niece's birthday. Yeah, I could have had just a side salad and some chicken but I WAS AT BARRY'S PIZZA. So I had a side salad and one slice of pizza. Do I feel guilty about this? Not really. I've only cheated a couple times on the plan so far and each time it wasn't a total pig out but a cheat in moderation (if there is such a thing).

I have been fighting this nasty plateau for the past week though. Gain a pound, lose a pound. Finally, they started me on a plateau buster this morning. Maybe by this time next week I'll really be out of the Tub of Goo level.

The QWL "advisers" and I have been in a bit of a struggle of late though. I've been trying to convince them they have me on the wrong plan. Since I've had lap-band surgery before, I believe the QWL plan 4 isn't restrictive enough for me. I don't get hungry and actually have difficult time eating all the food on the plan because of the banding. Half the staff has agreed with me and told me they would talk to their supervisor about moving me while the other half has stuck to their manual and won't listen to such nonsense until I'm under 300lbs. At this point, I guess I'm just going to have to wait out getting down under 300 because that call from the "supervisor" doesn't seem to be coming.

Then yesterday, one of the staff was out sick so someone from the Willowbrook store was filling in for her. As luck would have it I drew her. I had lost a pound from Monday to Tuesday but that's not she wanted to talk about. She saw that I had had grilled catfish for lunch. Holy S*#@ you would have thought I had eaten a Texas sized chicken fried steak. She continued to remind me that catfish was not one of the approved types of fish according to the plan.  I thought I had done pretty well by eating a fish fillet and side salad and not touching the free biscuits and butter on the table. If I'd known I was going to be admonished anyway, I would've just ordered a stack of pancakes and extra butter. Needless to say I won't be weighing in at the Willowbrook store anytime soon.


Starting weight: 333
Current weight: 309
pounds lost: 24
weeks: 5

Netflix Tuesday - 8/10

Have I mentioned yet that football is coming? I want to go on record that football season should be a national holiday. Yes, the whole season.

Keeping with the football theme, this week's Netflix viewing was like a 125 yard, 2 touchdown Andre Johnson receiving day. Let's get started with the goodness.

A Prophet (Un Prophète) - See it - Maybe I should type that a few more times, See it, See it, See it. I know I can already hear you "I don't want to watch a movie with subtitles. I don't want to read a movie. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." Get over it and start wearing big boy pants. This is a terrific movie. I heard Lance Zierlein talking about this movie one morning on 1560 The Game. Lance usually gives pretty good movie recommendations, so I checked it out. I was not disappointed. The story follows Malik during a 6 year stretch in a French prison. Malik (an Arab) finds himself caught in the delicate balance between the Corsican mafia, Italian mafia and the Muslims. For those of you who can't think beyond the lower 48, just think Mexican Mafia, Crips and Aryan Brotherhood. The story is riveting, acting superb and wonderfully shot frame by gritty frame. One of the benefits of watching a foreign film is that you usually don't know the actors involved and therefore don't identify them with characters they've played before. If someone were to tell me this film was shot using real prisoners, I wouldn't have an argument against it.  See this movie. 


Kick-Ass - See it - This is the first movie Nicolas Cage has been in that I've loved since Vampire's Kiss in 1988. That's 22 long years of crap movies but Big Daddy makes all those hours of horrible accents and Jerry Bruckheimer abominations almost worth it. Like I've said before, I'm a sucker for superheroes. Even when the superhero is just your everyday ordinary high school geek whose fed up with the local bullies taking his comic money. Now, if you're going to be an ordinary guy trying to be a superhero, it helps when a couple of extraordinary BadAsses like Big Daddy and Hit Girl have your back. Hit Girl is the cutest little killing machine since Natalie Portman in The Professional. Christopher Mintz-Plasse plays the perfectly bumbling, ineffective villain to balance Kick-Ass's superhero. This movie touches all the bases, comedy, action, bloody, teen outcasts, underdog vs. the world.


The Art of the Steal - See it - Albert C. Barnes was an early pharmaceutical millionaire and collector of art. In the early 20th century he became friends with such artists as Henri Matisse and Pablo Picasso. Barnes had a keen eye for art and collected the works of many of the impressionist, and post-impressionist artists. A collection that is now estimated to be worth about $25 billion. However, this documentary is less about the art in the Barnes Collection and more about the lengths to which politicians and power brokers will go to consume and wield as much money and power as they can. The documentary shares the story of how Pennsylvania's politicians have taken it upon themselves to completely disregard the clear wishes of Albert Barnes will and move the collection to Philadelphia for the increased revenue. This movie will piss you off. If it doesn't piss you off then you're probably a Democrat and believe government should control everything anyway or you're a Republican and believe wealthy power brokers should be in control. Either way, the real loser here is individual rights and public trust.


Rollergirls disc 2 - ? - I am loving me some Lunatic, Punky Bruiser, Venis Envy and Jail Bait.

Are you ready for some TV?

The NFL's preseason started tonight so I thought it was time I finally got off my butt and started my own preseason camp. It's time to get the DVR ready for the fall season. Just like an NFL team I've got more shows on the roster in the preseason than I can take into the regular season. I've got my sure fire starters, my solid pros, the vets that slipped last season and need to win a their job back and I've got the rookies looking to push these slipping vets right off the depth chart.

I'm going to run through the schedule network by network. Why? Well it's my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want with it. On that note, ABC seems like the most logical place to start.

Fall Roster

Modern Family - Wed 8c - Last year Modern Family narrowly edged Community for Rookie of the Year honors. They come back this season ready to anchor Wednesday night. It was a can't miss last year and we expect nothing less from Phil, Cam and company this season. If Fisbo happens to make another appearance, all the better.

Grey's Anatomy - Thurs 8c - Ok this was the other reason I wanted start with ABC. I wanted to just go ahead and get this out of way. Yes, I watch Grey's Anatomy. I'm not particularly proud of it but I've watched it since it's first episode and have found it very hard to stop. There now you know. As far as the show goes, it has been slipping for some time now. Grey's has spent the past two seasons tip toeing the cut line, only to escape each time. The show made three adjustments that has kept it on my active roster. Getting rid of George was a great first step in redeeming the show. Letting Izzy walk was another great move. Those two moves alone probably keep them on the roster another season or two but just to make sure they added Kevin McKidd to the cast.  I'm not going to lie, I have a big man crush on the guy formerly known as Lucious Vorenus. Now if they let Meredith die in some horrible fashion they may be in for Pro Bowl contention.

Saturday Night College Football - Sat 7c - Yes please, may I have some more. I'm not going to be DVRing the games but I'll definitely be watching them.

Veterans Trying to avoid being cut

There are no veterans fighting for a spot from ABC.  ABC's program is down from it's heyday and is no longer producing a lot of top talent.  

Rookies Trying to Make it

No Ordinary Family - Tues 7c - Lot's of people are suckers for any kind of superhero show and I'm no different. It will good to see Vic Mackey uh I mean Michael Chiklis make a run at being a good guy again. Superheros, Michael Chiklis, Julie Benz that's enough to earn it at least a few episodes try out on this team. 

The rest of ABC is pretty much garbage

DWTS - No thank you, I don't think I've watched a dance show since Solid Gold and Dance Fever were tearing up the airwaves when I was a kid. Besides, if I really need my Cheryl Burke fix, I can just go the the Internet and download pictures while watching Sunny reruns.

Americas Funniest Hove Videos - Really? The fact that this show is still on may be the best argument for the Taliban in their fight against westernization.

Weightloss Wednesday - 8/4

I've been on the Quick Weight Loss system for a month now and it is going pretty well. I'm continuing to lose about 4-5 lbs a week. I'm even starting to see the difference in my face. Even though I'm doing OK, I know I can do better.

This week I added walking to my routine. I know this is going to help my continued weight loss as well as be good for my dogs, Neko, The Dude and Ghostbuster. These are some big dogs and when they get bored and restless, they can do some serious damage.

The thing I'm most excited about is possibly dropping below the 300 lbs mark. For those of you that don't know that is the point where you get downgraded from being a "Giant Tub of Goo" to "Fat Tub of Lard." I'm definitely ready to leave my "Giant Tub of Goo" days behind me.

Starting weight: 333
Current weight: 311
pounds lost: 22
weeks: 4

Netflix Tuesday - 8/3

First off, no I still haven't seen Inception but I did add it to my Netflix queue. So expect to see what I thought of it about 9 months from now.

I was a pretty slow week on the Netflix front. With the in-laws visiting this past weekend and the kid without a camp to keep her busy, there just wasn't much time to squeeze in 2 glorious hours of escapism.

Anyhow, I did work in 3 discs. 2 movies and disc one of Rollergirls.



Hot Tub Time Machine - See - My initial thought when I first saw the previews for this movie "probably the dumbest movie title ever." Now this movie isn't on the same comedic level as The Hangover but it's worth a watch. There's more than a couple laugh out loud moments as well as a few gags that fall flat. The lead cast is solid with Craig Robinson, Rob Corddry and Clark Duke. Surprisingly, John Cusack does and adequate job of playing John Cusack. He's like the Harlem Globetrotters of playing John Cusack. I still don't know why Lizzy Caplan or her character was in this movie. Overall, a few good laughs and a little T&A make it all right in my book.



Trust the Man - Don't See - This movie is terrible. I mean I have insomnia, it's on the only channel that comes in and I still wouldn't watch this movie again, bad. Look at the timer 15 times to see how much more I have to endure, bad. It had a promising cast of Billy Crudup, Maggie Gyllenhaal (crush), David Duchovny and Julliane Moore (meh). None of them however could overcome the terrible writing. I can't imagine Billy Crudup ever giving a worse performance. The only thing worse than Crudup's performance was the movie's ending. The ending of this movie rocketed into the pantheon of terrible movie endings. It's right up there with A League of their Own. Do Not See This Movie.



Rollergirls - ??? - I can't give an honest opinion on this yet. I've only seen the first 3 episodes. I will say that I am enjoying it so far but I can't tell if the show is good or if it's just my rollergirl fetish.






I'm very excited about this week's movies. I received Kick-Ass in the mail today and A Prophet arrives tomorrow. Thanks Netflix for getting me something at the top of my queue for once.

The week that was but I wish wasn't.

Anyone that has followed me on Twitter or Facebook knows the battle I've been having with my swimming pool this summer. The pool and I are in a vicious cycle of hatred and destruction. As soon as I get it swim ready something else goes wrong. A few weeks ago I finally had everything perfect and we actually got some good swimming in. Then the rains came and effed the levels up again. Early last week, I shocked the pool and left the pump running over night as directed. The next morning, I noticed the pool didn't look any better except for the small area where I had put the shock. I check out the equipment and find there's something wrong with the pump. Of course there is. Advantage pool gremlins.

Two days ago, Cash got his hands on Audrey's laptop and started pulling keyboard keys off of it. Advantage 16 mos old gremlin.

This weekend, My in-laws came to stay a couple of days. Now, I like my in-laws well enough but no matter how much you like your in-laws, no one looks forward to having them stay with you. This visit ended being nice and pleasant though. The kids love playing with their Grammy and I love when they have a distraction from their daily routine of destroying me and the house. I also got this little nugget of comedy gold. D was trying to help her mom install some software on her dad's computer. D tells her mom to google where to get the software. Her mom's reply "I can't he doesn't have google installed on his computer." Getting old is a bitch. Advantage Me.

Then at about 9 o'clock last night, our A/C stopped cooling. I got the joy of a sleeping in the comfort of a humid 85 degree house only to be slightly cooled off by the puddle of sweat I woke up in. The A/C repair guy showed up about 10:30 this morning. After looking at the system for a few minutes he comes in to tell me my flux capacitor is rusted out. At this point, I'm starting to freak out a bit. I don't know how much a flux capacitor costs but I do know that Doc Brown had to use Uranium or Plutonium to power his. This is not good. The A/C is back up and running now but it was quite a frightful morning. Advantage comfort gremlins.

Netflix Tuesday

OK it's not Tuesday anymore but the first movie on my list zapped my will to live last night and I had to sleep it off.

Based on word of mouth from people I respect, it seems that I may need to go out and see Inception. Actually, it seems I need to go see it twice. The worst opinion I've heard is that it was OK but for the most part the word is that it is outstanding.

In the mean time I've been busy knocking out movies on Netflix. I'll keep it simple and just rate the movies See and Don't See.

Whip It - Don't See - After seeing the documentary Blood on the Flat Track, I was pumped to see this movie. It failed to deliver on those expectations. My first mistake was not noticing that Drew Barrymore was the director. I wouldn't trust her to direct my kids birthday party video, much less a major motion picture.

Ellen Page. I've liked her less and less in every performance since Juno. Even with Juno, I thought Thora Birch did a better job with that character in Ghost World. Watching Page skate is brutal. It is obvious she lacks any coordination and is completely unbelievable as the fastest girl on the track. As far as her acting, she gives her typical "I'm too cool for my surroundings" performance or as I like to call it a Bizarro Cera. I'm not sure what she's going to to once she's too old to play angsty teenagers and twenty somethings. But I also don't care.

Jimmy Fallon. Note to producers and casting directors everywhere. Jimmy Fallon has never made a movie better. Don't believe me. I challenge you to try to make it through all the movies on his IMDB resume.

I can't completely kill the casting though. It was great to see Alia Shawkat (Maeby Funke) all grown up. Has Marcia Gay Harden ever given a bad performance? Kristen Wiig is always a treat but she should fire whoever is recommending scripts to her.

Ultimately, the story is weak even for a girl power/chick flick. The love story is underdeveloped and beyond pointless. I'm pretty sure it was added just because someone had an idea to shoot an underwater love scene. If you want to see a great movie about roller derby watch "Blood on the Flat Track." Leave this POS on the shelf.

Green Street Hooligans - See - Here's a tip for everyone. Say you're wondering whether you should watch a certain movie or TV show. If you look through the cast credits and see someone from The Wire or Band of Brothers on the list, it's usually a pretty good bet it's worth a view. I was glad to see this movie had both Liebgot and Blithe from Band of Brothers in it. Unlike the previous movie, I went into this movie with little to no expectations. In fact, I had moved it down my queue a few times because I had Elijah Woods face and some genius decided to put it right there on the cover for this film.

The story follows Matt (Wood) a Journalism major who has been recently kicked out of Harvard. Matt travels to England to live with his sister and try to escape the wrath of his absentee journalist father. Matt is quickly swept up in the soccer hooligan scene that is destined to threaten and change his life forever.

I loved this movie. This is how you use a quality cast to tell a great story. A cast that includes Charlie Hunnam (Jax from Sons of Anarchy) as the leader of the Green Street Elite firm and Claire Forlani, whom I've had a thing for ever since she was dumping T.S. before he could propose too her at Universal Studios just before Jaws pops out of the water. If you're looking for something to watch definitely give this one a view.

The Boys From Brazil - See - I watched this as part of the 70's classics series I'm doing right now. @steveintheKT recommended this one to me and it did not disappoint.

Mystery Team - See? - Only see this if you're a fan of Troy from Community. Donald Glover plays a character very similar to Troy. But it's as if instead of playing football, Troy hung out with his equally naive, geeky friends and solved neighborhood mysteries. The movie isn't very good but has some very funny scenes. So I'd only recommend it to hard core Community fans and people like me that will watch just about anything with Aubrey Plaza.

Adam - Don't See - Poor overdone performances.

A Serious Man - Don't See - The Coen Brothers turd in a pile of gems.

Papillon - See - Another on the 70's classics list. Steve McQueen. Enough Said.

A Single Man - See - Great. Great performance by Colin Firth.

Bass Ackwards - See - Nice little indie flick.

The Most Dangerous Man in America - See - Good documentary with lots of archive footage about the man that leaked the Pentagon Papers.


Next week I'm going to try to get on on a mid week schedule of Netflix Tuesdays, Weightloss Wednesdays and My DVR Thursdays.

I Kroger. Do you?

I have a question for all the married guys out there. Do you do the grocery shopping? If not why?

I've been the primary grocery shopper for our family since D and I have been married. Early in our marriage she tried the "let's go shopping together" move and I had to quickly squash that. This should be a lesson for everyone, grocery shopping is not a team sport. Anyone that has worked in the corporate world can tell you the best way to inefficiently do anything is to assign it to a committee. Whenever I breeze by a couple shopping together, I always get the same jealous/kill me stare back at me from the husband.

I find that the hour or so I spend in the grocery store is some of the most peaceful time I'll have all week. I put in my headphones, call up a good shopping playlist (last week was The White Stripes) and go to work. I can generally drown out the whole world this way. There was one instance where one of the bus stop moms was standing 6 feet from me waving, her mouth agape like a retarded kid on the bus. Of course, then she went and reported to D that she saw me in the grocery store listening to my ipod as if she'd seen me checking into a hotel with the neighbor. Alas, that's a story for another time.

Aside from the hour of peace let me share some of the other benefits of being the grocery shopper:

• Remember before you had kids, when you could take something to read and spend some good quality time in the bathroom without a 4 year old standing in front of you whining? This is that time again.
• You now own the power of the statement "if you don't like what I got then you do the shopping"
• You can now pick the brands you like, the cut of meat you want, that ice cream your wife never buys.
• You never again have to deal with your wife coming home with the groceries during the 4th quarter of a 3 point football game and wanting your help bringing them in. You now set the shopping schedule.
  
• When your wife's friends find out you do the shopping, they'll think you're a better husband than you really are.
• You get to enjoy all that music your Justin Bieber addicted 8 year old never let's you listen to.
• You get to enjoy those Tupac songs your wife won't let you listen to around the kids.
• There's always at least a few attractive women doing their shopping.
• Samples.

Maybe I'm different but these things are more than enough reasons to get me to the grocery store. But whether you're a man or a woman, I just ask that we all follow three simple rules that will make the shopping experience more enjoyable for us all.

1. Only one person at a time - No couples clogging up the lanes, please.
2. No kids allowed - There should be a law that kids too big to ride in the cart or too young to drive are banned from grocery stores. I'll campaign for any candidate that gets behind this.
3. No cell phones - if you need to talk on your phone, go find a space park and get out of the way. I don't want to hear what Madison did at cheer camp and stop swerving back and forth making it impossible to pass.
   

Two Weeks Down

Today is the end of my second week with Quick Weight Loss. I breezed through the first week but then hit a plateau in week two. I'm on day two of what they call a plateau buster. Which is basically an all protein diet. Based on my weight today the plateau buster seems to have worked. Here's the score card so far broken down into What's Easy and What's Difficult.

What's Easy

• No soft drinks, this is easy because I haven't had a soft drink in nearly 5 yeas anyway. Although, I do get the occasional craving for an ice cold Dr. Pepper.
• No Beer, another easy one for me because, well, I don't drink beer. I took a drink of one beer when I was 21. It tasted like shit so I never tried it again.
• Eating 3 servings of fruit/day. Fruit is one of those things that I never think about how much I like it unless I'm actively eating it. Late at night, I never think "an apple would really hit the spot" instead I'd always grab the keys and head to Wendy's for a frosty. Now I look forward to a nice tart Granny Smith.
• Mostly eating chicken, this is easy because first,I've never been that big of a beef eater anyway. Now a steak or some pot roast is a nice change of pace. Secondly, I don't really get tired of eating the same thing. I once spent an entire year eating a Chick-fil-A sandwich for lunch and a Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich for dinner everyday and I never tired of it.
• The protein snack bars are pretty good. They satisfy my chocolate craving and that's a good thing.
• Mrs. Dash, this lady will save your life. You can't use real salt or marinate what you're cooking so Mrs. Dash has become my best friend. I don't really miss salt because I never used that much anyway but not being able to marinate or cook in olive oil are on the What's Difficult list.

What's Difficult

• Milk, I hate milk. All milk tastes and smells sour to me. I'm not allergic to it or lactose intolerant. I just can't stand milk. I won't drink a milk shake because I can taste the milk through it. Now I'm supposed to drink 6-8 oz daily. I've tried to overcome this by mixing my protein drink with it. Which brings me to....
• Protein drinks, the flavor choices suck. So far I've tried pineapple-orange and wild berry and both suck. I try to just down them as fast as possible but it's a struggle, especially when made with milk. They're a little more tolerable with water but not much.
• Vegetables, I like very few vegetables cooked but will eat almost any raw. Right now I eat a lot of salads with lettuce, cabbage and broccoli. If I want a hot vegetable I pretty much have to eat green beans. I was really disappointed to find that onions, corn and carrots weren't allowed on the plan. I love onions and not being able to cook with them is killing me.

I know along the way I'm gonna run into many more difficulties but so far, I can' complain.

Starting weight: 333
Current weight: 318
pounds lost: 15
weeks: 2

The Kings Decision: How LeBron's free agency is affecting me

I don't really care one way or another. Wake me when it's football season.

Wanna watch me melt?

A few years ago, I had to make a tough decision for the betterment of myself, my family and every other relationship in my life. I had struggled for years with depression and anxiety. Even though I had been advised by doctors, psychologists and family members to seek help, my ego never found enough evidence to believe them. Then one day when my daughter was three, I realized how short and relatively mean I was being with her. The next day I made an appointment with a psychiatrist and have been under his care since. Seeking help for this shortcoming has been one of the best things I've ever done.

Well, that time have come again. Four years ago, I lost about 120lbs. However, after I started taking antidepressants, I started to gain weight again. Since then I have gained nearly all the weight I had lost back. I know if I continue down this path, I won't be able to enjoy all the pleasures in life the way I would like.

I knew that once again I needed help. This week I signed up at Quick Weight Loss Center. I had been very skeptical of this place because of their terrible name. Through testimonials and an aggressive radio ad campaign, I decided to check them out for myself. I have been very happy with the program and staff to this point and I'm very confident I will see results very soon.

I am looking to lost 130lbs and I know I can do it. I'm going to document my journey here on this blog. My struggles and my triumphs will both be here as public record. Feel free to ask questions or make comments. As I shed the pounds and get my sexy back, I only ask two things of you. Don't fall in love with me and don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
Here's pictures of where I was and where I am today.

Audrey's Six and Michael Symon isn't happy with me

Watch out world this one is now six. Audrey and her alter ego Aubrey both turned six this past Friday.

Her choices for birthday activities were to eat lunch at Barry’s Pizza and then hit Dave & Busters. Even though it was pouring rain and flooding all over town we decided to brave the weather and head in to town. Barry’s delivered as always. We had our usual deep dish and our waitress was on point with a complimentary brownie a la mode for Audrey’s birthday. Denise did see my tweet about my future affair with the Barry’s bartender. That got me a few sideways looks and comments but she’s a good sport. In case you didn’t already know, I married up.

The trip to D&B was a success and by success, I mean we didn’t come home with a giant pink unicorn again. As per usual D&B was a mixed bag of good and bad.

· Good – The large breasted woman in a thin dress shooting jump shots at the basketball shooting game.

· Bad – Audrey once again proved she is one of the most uncoordinated kids on earth. She is still waiting to score her first Ski Ball point.

· Good – I still dominate at the ball drop.

· Bad – 12 year olds bending over to reveal they are wearing a thong.

· Good – The lesbian mafia moving in a herd from game to game. Then playing against each other with the intensity of MJ at a pick up basketball game. At one point, I witnessed the air hockey loser throwing her paddle at the winner.

· Bad – Someone crop dusting the entrance into the game room and having to pass through it twice.

· Good – Having an awesome wife that escorted Audrey into the prize area by herself. Prize selection irritates me to no end. Thank god for good women.

· Bad – The parents that use D&B as a de facto day care for their 11 & 12 year olds. These were some of the rudest kids I’ve ever encountered. They trolled around looking for orphaned tickets. Audrey dropped a token under her stool while playing a game. One of those kids went under her stool picked up the token then started doing a celebratory “I found a token” dance.

Tweet of the Week

I posted a tweet asking Food Network to please show an Iron Chef that didn’t involve Michael Symon. Not long after, I received a reply from Chef Michael Symon telling me not to be a hater. I haven’t decided if it’s cool that he replied or kind of pathetic that he or someone that works for him searches twitter for his name to pop up.

Netflix

None at home right now. I mailed back 3 discs today.

American Drug War: The Last White Hope - ★★★★

Young @ Heart - ★★★★

The Last Station - ★★★★

Pirate Radio - ★★★

Invictus - ★★★

This Boy’s Life - ★★★

The Conversation - ★★★★

Five Minutes of Heaven - ★★★

Taking Woodstock - ★★

Art & Copy - ★★★★

Books

Control Your Cash by Greg McFarlane & Betty Kincaid

World Cup-World Cup-World Cup

• If you haven't caught the World Cup fever then you probably just aren't a sports fan. I can't get into the MLS but I also don't watch swim meets unless it's during the Olympics.

• Pulling for Team USA during international competitions always stokes the competitive fires. Pulling for Team USA when they are playing well and are the underdog takes it to a whole new level. That's why USA vs. Canada in hockey and USA Soccer matches have produced 10x the excitement of any game the Redeem Team played during the Summer Olympics.

• Is there anything that makes you feel more like an ignorant American than calling World Cup matches "soccer games?" When Team USA or any other country's team is involved, I'm perfectly fine with referring to them at "International Futbol (or football) Matches." Soccer is played by your 10 year old on saturdays. Futbol is played by grown men for international pride and glory.

• I don't know if ESPN has done something or if there are more fans from the countries playing but we're finally able to hear the fans and some chanting over the vuvuzelas.

• Outside of the US, I have been a fan of the Netherlands for over a decade now. Besides being one of the favorites to win it all, their orange unis are also one of the two or three strongest left in the tourney.

• The only benefit of the US being eliminated is that I can now go back to hating Landon Donovan.

• Lastly, You never know how loud you life is until you enjoy the quiet of your house after you ship your 6 year old off to her grandparents.

Tubing the Okkervil River

Since I'm a stay at home dad and I'm not in the typical target demographic for daytime television, I spend a good portion of my day listening to music. In fact, unless I'm watching a movie or something like the World Cup, I've got itunes on and music playing constantly. It helps that my one year old, Cash, loves when I play music too. His favorite right now is Panda Bear and MIA.


Yesterday I was cleaning the kitchen and listening to Okkervil River while Cash picked away on a ukulele. While I was cleaning, I kept coming back to the same question. "Why would someone not be a fan of Okkervil River?" They have beautiful melodies wrapped around smart interesting lyrics. They even have a song where a guy gets his balls cut out. Singer/songwriter Will Sheff can be found guesting on several artists records including The Mendoza Line and The New Pornographers. The band also recently played on Roky Erickson's new album.



With all this considered, these are the only reasons I could come up with why someone wouldn't be a fan of this band.

• You're an idiot. This is my first assumption and probably right more than not.
• You bought a Ford truck because Toby Keith is a Ford truck man.
• You were raised on a farm and a donkey kicked you in the head. So now you only listen to Natalie Cole.
• The title of their cd "Black Sheep Boy" hits a little too close to home.
• Thin Lizzy's "Cowboy Song" doesn't pierce your heart with truth.
• You're still mourning the death of Michael Jackson.
• You're still mourning the death of Madonna's talent.
• You're a strip club DJ and you can't get Buck Cherry out of your head.
• You're too old to figure out how to find this blog.
• You don't know why a mouse would be modest or danger.
  
• You think the most talented singers won the last two American Idol seasons.
• You voted on American Idol
• You know what a Snookie is but not a Tweedy.
• You really are a Kid In Satans Service.
• You prefer The Black Eye Peas to The Black Keys.
• You're a midday national sports radio host and you just can't get enough of the O'Jays.
• You don't think the US got jobbed on two goals this week.
• You're still stuck in an "Empire State of Mind"

Don't be one of those people. Get with the program.

I need to hit a few things from this week such as that series finale from last night before I post my 2009-2010 television season in review.

- The Lost finale was good. Really good even. I had a few problems with it though.

• The network didn’t do the show any favors with the way they scheduled the commercials. The episode never seemed to build any real momentum because the breaks seemed to come every seven minutes. Look I know this was you’re night to cash in but I would have preferred fewer even if longer breaks.
• I felt like there was an argument between ABC and the writers. The writers kept arguing “we really need three hours to do this right” “look we gave you an extra 30 minutes you can’t have anymore, the affiliates won’t let us push the news back anymore” “fine, ok guys let’s go with the 15 minute white light wrap up”
• I’m glad I was able to get through the series and catch up in a few weeks to see the final four episodes live.
• I’m equally glad I didn’t watch it from the beginning. The long layoffs between fall and spring probably would have driven me away.

- If you’re a Friday Night Lights fan be sure to catch Friday’s episode. Zach Gilford who plays Matt Saracen is tremendous.

- Perfect episode on Breaking Bad, At some point, now that he's in remission, we had to see the toll Walt's choices are taking on his conscience.

- I’m not a casting director but Owen Wilson is terrible choice to voice Marmaduke.

- RIP Lima Time – Great Lima memorial show today on 1560 by John & Lance

- Finally saw Avatar. Meh. It looked good but I thought the story was better when it was called Dances with Wolves. I gave it 3 stars but that was mostly because I figure something has to be at least 3 stars for me to sit through it for 2.5+ hours. This is another instance when Netflix really needs half star ratings.

- The ratio of Stanley Cup playoff games to NBA playoff games I’ve watched this year is somewhere around 15 to 0

- Just 4 more days til school is out and I start earning my money as a stay at home dad.

- I found out the hard way if you want to blow up your email, post something in the free section of craigslist. The vultures are always circling.


Netflix this week
Avatar - ★★★
Another State of Mind - ★★★★
We Are Wizards - ★★★
The Messenger - ★★★

Books
Falconer by John Cheever

Goodbye Old Friend

461 months.

That’s how old I was when I finally outgrew MTV. Or maybe I should say that’s how old I was when then last show I watched on MTV reached a level of suckness I could no longer tolerate.

Yes, I’m old enough to remember when MTV still played videos. In fact, I can remember when 120 minutes was essential viewing because there wasn’t a radio station here in Houston that played good music out of the mainstream. What? Oh well, I guess some things haven’t changed.

Anyway, for the past decade my last bastion of MTV refuge has been The Real World/Road Rules Challenges. Let’s be clear, I love this show. Especially in the beginning when it was people close to my own age and not what you’d call world-class athletes competing in crazy events to earn money. The show also benefited from the fact that the contestants were all former cast members of the RW or RR. I was in the prime target demographic when RW premiered in 1992. Twenty years old and addicted to television.

In my opinion the challenges had more than a couple legs up on similar shows like Survivor and Big Brother. The winners actually had to compete to win. Where as it seems like at least half the time Survivor is won by the person that pisses the fewest people off because they didn’t actually do anything. The challenges were made up of a whole cast of young attractive individuals that didn’t whither away from a lack of food. The challenges also could boast some of the best train wrecks on television. Tanya Cooley anyone? Lastly, it was pretty obvious all the guys were on steroids and you know what? No one cared, it only made the competition and train wrecks better. There’s a lesson there MLB and NFL.

At some point in the past decade, the people in charge of casting for RW decided they were only going to draw from the cesspool of douche bags and douche hags. Ultimately, this has killed the challenges for me. The endless parade of the most reprehensible individuals you can imagine and a black hole of contestants worth rooting for has finally taken its toll. Someone should point out to the casting directors that there’s a reason car wrecks are much more exciting at a NASCAR event than they are at a destruction derby.

So, I’ve lost a good friend this year and it won’t be easy to replace them. Hey maybe the Astros will get on a hot strea….ahh there I go talking about train wrecks again.

On a related note, I also gave up on the last VH1 show I watch, Celebrity Fit Club. I like watching celebrities struggle and I’m fat so I really like fat celebs. However, the producers seem unaware that the show doesn’t work if a) the contestants aren't celebrities or b) they’re not fat. I’m almost certain that Bobby Brown was actually cast to be on Celebrity Rehab but somehow wandered onto the wrong set.

New Music

The Black Keys – Brothers

Recent Netflix

44 inch Chest - ★★★

Mean Streets - ★★★★

Good Hair - ★★★

Up in the Air - ★★★★

Crazy Heart - ★★★★

Zombieland - ★★★★

Herb & Dorothy – ★★★★

The Machinist - ★★★

Netflix at Home

The Messenger

Another State of Mind

Avatar

Coming up next time, a review of this past season of TV.

- So let me get this straight SNL, you find it easier to write good material for Betty White that Zach Galifiniakas. I can't figure out why you've become culturally irrelevant.

- Yep the girl who checked me out at Best Buy was named Cachet.

- Disneyland may be the happiest place on earth but as I've said before San Antonio is the saddest. Why does everyone there appear to be 10-20 years older than their actual age?

- Let's get on with it college football. We all know where we're headed. Four 16 team conferences that break away from the NCAA to form the "We're Better Than The Rest Of You Turds Association". You can split you billions of dollars equitably. Teams will only be able to play other teams from the WBTTROYTA. If this finally paves the way for a playoff and I never haver to pay for another UT v. FIU ticket again, I'm all in.

- Sonic if I pull through at 8am for an iced tea, let's just assume I don't want any chili cheese tater tots to go with that.

- How did your weekend go? Mine started off with my kids tag teaming to turn my macbook into a shiny paper weight by knocking it off the kitchen counter. It will cost a minimum of $280 to fix. Then we drove to the previously mentioned San Antonio with the 5 year old screaming stuff like "my computer is being mean to me".

- Went to a friends wedding in Burnet, Tx that was UnBeWeaveable. Congrats to Keri and Brian.

New Music This Week

The Hold Steady - Heaven is Whenever

The New Pornographers - Together

Netflix last week

Finished catching up on Lost

Netflix at home

Good Hair

44 inch Chest

Mean Streets

If you need me this week, I'll be hating life surfing the net on a crappy PC.