Here is what Californication is about. It's about Hank, Becca, Charlie and Marcy and if we must include her Karen. It's not about Eddie Nero, Dean Koons, Lew Ashby or even Mia. Too often the writers get caught up in these ancillary characters they've created, fallen in love with on paper and end up wasting entire episodes because they really want us to see how great these characters are. This was one of those episodes.
"Lawyers, Guns and Money" spent way too much time on that wild and crazy guy Eddie Nero. First of all, Rob Lowe is terrible in the role. So terrible that he even did the finger point thing his character Chris does on Parks and Recreation. Beyond how Lowe's awful acting as Eddie, the fake beard is so poorly done it has become distracting. I thankfully missed quite a few of Eddie's lines because I just kept thinking "that is the worst fake beard and mustache I've ever seen." Worst of all, he's not even funny. The whole story about taking a man in his mouth fell completely flat on both Hank and the audience.
OK so you get past how horrid Rob Lowe is and his even more awful beard. You can't get past his revelation that Hank's book is really about "a man trying to keep it together while falling apart." Here's why. We already knew what Californication was really about. We didn't need a forced epiphany by a fictional actor to reaffirm it. I don't ask much but I would like for the writers to give me credit for being smart enough to figure that much out.
Very little else that happened in the episode really matters. Not that the Eddie stuff mattered either. I don't know what they're doing with the Stu and Marcy stuff. I think they just needed to fill six minutes of screen time.
Hank and Abby sleeping together was an inevitability. There are freight trains with more stealth coming down the tracks. Although if the episode had focused on their relationship and Hank trying to convince her to take him back as a client, it would have been a whole hell of a lot more interesting.
As a side note, I'm pretty sure the only reason Sasha was in tonight's episode at all was so that we could see Addison Timlin's tits one last time. I'm not complaining. Just making an observation. That's how Californication rolls.
Basically, at the end of the episode we were right back where we started. Just a little more irritated.
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